To think this was a d!ck move

Marry him and then divorce him

I think he is worried to be seen to be 'simping'

I would not stand to be with someone who used this word in any seriousness. He's been reading/watching mens' rights shit, hasn't he?

He sounds absolutely awful.

And worried to be seen by whom?

His kids and their mother should be the only people who he should be worried about what they think of him, everyone else is second tier.

You have willingly placed yourself in a stupid and vulnerable position. He is not the type of man You become a sahm to. I can also guarantee that he was a very poor dad with your toddler and yet you had another baby. You need to make better and smarter choices. You’re an adult.
you’re not doing yourself anything good by being a sahm. When he’s business takes off he is the type to leave you high and dry. Please really think about what you’re doing

What the fuck is simping?

May I suggest dh stands for dick head in this case?
But seriously when he isn't there you absolutely must manage making food one handed. Stop being a martyr in that regard...
You need to tell him calmly and into his face he needs to step up. Or move out. Claim cms. And accept you are a lone parent. You literally are anyway..

Right ok, you need to safeguard yourself and your children. Now.

For now, I suggest you stop trying to have any relationship defining chats. Stop complaining however hard it is. Just do what you need to do. Care for your children as best you can and make sure he marries you.

Once he's married you, you're legally entitled to half of what he's got.So you can worry about it in the future.

This is why women should never have children without being married unless, they are an equal earner, and have a decent career that they can go back to.

At this stage of parenting it’s so easy to play the “who’s more tired”/“who’s doing more” game... I was so snippy with my OH when I was on maternity leave. If he’d have come home and noticed I’d hoovered or cleaned the bathroom it would have made it much better! Just more acknowledgment of what I was having to do at home would have helped.

What was the agreement when you became pregnant and it was decided that you would not earn money and support him in his building up his business?

You must have talked about it.

I was, still am I guess a SAHM, but as we have teens and H is looking towards early retirement, there is little point in my reentering the workforce. So have some experience with this balance of life work.

We were married before our first came along, we were also renting, when we got a mortgage it was his salary and my deposit, teamwork, neither could have done this alone.

They are our assets, our pensions and our kids.

My H might now earn almost all the cash money, but he wouldn't be where he is now without my support. He can spend whatever time he needs on his work because he doesn't have to wash and dry his clothes, sort anything out for school or medical issues for the kids, he might pay the mortgage but I keep the house mould free, clean, no dust, healthy, he might be the one at work but he doesn't need to spend a couple of hours cooking healthy food to keep him alive and well. He never had to take a day off for child sickness or juggle pick up and childcare, all his free time at home was his to be a dad and husband.

But this was all thrashed out before we had our first child. What was expected from the both of us.

So what was the agreement to you giving up work, with no marriage certificate, supporting not actually yet H into building up HIS, should be our, business?

Do you get shares in the business? Are you going to be a named inactive partner with access to bank accounts or an employee? In time with your NI stamp paid (not necessary until youngest is 12 but something to aim for).

Does he understand the luxury of you at home, how that makes his life easy.

Are you on any legal documents, mortgage/deeds of the house? Has he done a will, just in case, you are not married any money assets he has would not come to you right now unless it's legally written down.

You have brought two children into this world, and taking wills and death is hard, emotionally, but as you are parents you need to start acting like grown ups now and talk these things through. You are in a precarious position financially, unless of course you have already thrashed these things out.

And this is before you get onto the emotional side of being upset of not getting a takeaway drink, because it's not about the drink, it's about not being able to have a shower, feeling alone with your parenting, his seemingly dismissal of any of your needs or anything you do for him.

So you should be able to talk about anything, you have made two people who need you both to be a team.

If nothing else you OP, need to thrash out your financial and legal position, you need to know now if he intends on keeping all that HE builds up for himself and make your decisions accordingly. If you need to go back to work you should do it sooner rather than later, once baby is off breast, able to go to childcare. Childcare you pay percentage wise according to income. Sick days, school pick ups they will need to be 50/50 if you are both working.

If he wants the luxury of spending all the time he needs working building up a business he has to understand he doesn't get that for free, he has to support you supporting him and he has to make sure you are financially covered as well, he should want to, being the mother of his children.

Look at the fact he didn't get you a drink as a catalyst to have a reset of how you are going to proceed going forward. Once you all know where you stand and legalities are put in place you can move forward enjoying being a family, because you are going to be a family now for years and years however that looks, the children dictate that. So how's it going to be going forward?

We have had plenty of couples therapy in the past and our counsellor did state this.

You have had two different but big warnings that this is not a good relationship and hasn't been for a long while, and yet you carried on and had at least one more baby. Wake up OP, at best you are in an extremely vulnerable position, at worst you are being emotionally and mentally abused. Go look up the definitions on Relate, Refuge, Women's Aid, UK.gov websites. Abuse can start in pregnancy/post partum due to the woman being financially trapped. Which you are.

"Cave" to your requests?! What so you can eat to fuel you for yourself as well as breastfeeding his child?! He sounds like a dick and he needs to step up. So what if he is working?! You appear to be working 24/7

You had 2 babies, plenty of couples therapy but you never married or asked him if he was the type to have a wife and kids or to be an involved father, and your relationship is unsurprisingly going down the drain?
OP, get your priorities straight, marry him NOW, you ll give a fuck about feelings later

I think he is worried to be seen to be 'simping' because his dad dotes on his mum and he can't stand the fact that he does everything she asks.

If you can't dote on a post partum woman who's borne two of your children, then who can you dote on? What a shitty attitude. He's being a dick.

You're in a really vulnerable time right now, you're feeling shit and what you need is support and care, not someone teaching you a lesson and putting you in your place.

Yes it was a dick move to neglect your baby and you, in order to make a weak point, like the revolting spineless worm he is.

I couldn't live with someone so emotionally unavailable, to the point of abuse.

Having children without being married and giving up work wasn’t a smart move.

Are you at least a joint owner of your home?

Frankly, you two sound incompatible and I very much doubt this will ever work. Consider taking steps to get back to work and leave.

State pension contributions for children are only up until they’re 12. That won’t get you a full state pension.

”just going back to work” isn’t that easy. A long break makes you harder to employ and often you’ll need to step back to the bottom of the ladder or retrain.

”living outside of wedlock” financially entitles you to nothing but child support if you split.
if you can show you’ve contributed financially to the mortgage and house maintenance you may be able to claim something, but o/p isn’t working so won’t be financially contributing. His house, she gets nothing.

No it doesn't entitle them to sell the home and get some of it unless she's jointly contributed to it financially. She is not his wife. A wife would be entitled to half the house, even if they hadn't paid a penny towards the cost of it. She's not even his next of kin. It's surprising the women that don't know this.

It really doesn’t unless there was another legal agreement re the house purchase. She’d be entitled to child maintenance but that’s about it.

Oh and you can say dick.

no need for the exclamation mark.

Yanbu. You’ve recently had a major op and had a baby which has a massive physical and emotional effect, plus you have all the difficulties of a new baby and a toddler to deal with. He should be doing everything possible to support you especially during this difficult period, you’ve birthed and are raising children which are jointly his, plus you’re meant to be his partner in life who he takes care of (just as you would take care of him, it’s what true partners do). You need to make it clear that he really needs to step up and support you.

This is irrelevant. You will still be entitled to a state pension as you’re bringing up children, as long as you are claiming child benefit.
OP can also return to work at some point if she wishes.
Living with someone outside of wedlock, and raising their children also financially entitles you, for example, if you were to split up and sell your home.