To not shout at my child to go back to bed in the middle of the night

It is at least emotionally if not physically abusive. He needs to leave if he insists he is right.

If the lights weren't blazing through the night, he wouldn't be wide awake trying to block out the light under a blanket.

However, kicking doors and shouting is fucking pointless as that ensures that everybody's wide awake (including the neighbours).

he shouts at him to get back to bed. pushes him back into his room. slams our door shut etc etc

Your son is right to be scared. It's the correct, natural response to being terrorised by a man in his home. Lying traumatised, sweating in fear, cortisol flooding his developing brain.

Please read up on what cortisol does to a child. I live with the impact of it every day thanks to my own mother failing me.
Safeguard your child from this man. It is not borderline.

Absolutely vile behaviour. Parents are supposed to comfort and reassure their kids not terrify them. That poor little boy. Doesn’t sound like your dh is cut out for family life and he probably doesn’t realise he is damaging his relationship with his son.

No your partner is not being kind

Your husband is a cunt.

Horrible. Just horrible

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but have you tried leaving his light on?

If he gets to sleep and stays asleep with it on there's no reason to turn it off surely? And it might help him when he wakes.

My 11 yo dd sleeps with a very bright lamp on - it makes her happy and comfortable.

To answer your original question, your partner is absolutely in the wrong here. No child should be left scared in their own bed. He should be ashamed of himself

That is terrible.
My own son is ND, and we had years of night wakings, tears, bad dreams, seeing patterns in the door, the ceiling etc. I get that it's exhausting, and that you can be at the end of your tether. However, on the odd occasion that I even snapped at my child, I came to realise how unhelpful that is in the long run.
Your son needs reassurance, and compassion, both of which your partner isn't helping with. My son is now 14 and still sleeps with a lamp on.
Your partner is an arsehole.

I went to sleep alone and scared every night because I learned from an angry father not to ask for comfort. It was terrifying and damaging. What your partner is doing is abusive and will have life long consequences for your son if you don’t step in and stop him now. Six is so young. He needs love, care and support to feel confident to sleep alone, not bullying aggressive door slamming and shouting.

For comparison, when DD was 9 she was badly bullied resulting in a very distressing incident that left her afraid to sleep alone for over a year. During that year she slept with us every night or with me while DH slept in the spare room. There was no question from him. He understood she needed to feel safe, secure and loved. We gradually worked on her feeling safe alone in her room when she was emotionally strong enough. At one point that included DH sleeping on her floor, reading to her until she fell asleep or just sitting with her. He would do anything to help her at any time, then and now, because he’s a loving supportive dad who prioritises his child’s wellbeing.

YANBU. I’m a believer in meet the need and the need goes away, within reason with gentle boundaries.

My oldest was diagnosed with ASD and SPD at 8 and needs melatonin to get to sleep so we’ve had our share of sleep disturbance. My youngest was extremely clingy and often needed a cuddle at night, she was still coming in at about 5.00 for a snooze and a cuddle at age 6. She’s now on the ASD pathway and has dyslexia and dyspraxia. I’m certainly not a perfect parent or even close but they are both content, well attached but independent teens now.

I didn't think from what you wrote that this man could be your son's father.

I don't understand how a father could treat he son so awfully. Why doesn't he get up in the night and look after you son? As someone who suffers with eczema, my heart breaks for your little boy.

There are quite a few shades of gray between your approach and that of your partner. What he’s doing is unacceptable and it must be having an effect on the other children in the house. You will say ‘oh, they sleep through it’ - they very probably don’t and to hear their sibling being treated like that must be terrifying.
I reckon the best case scenario if I were you would be that I’d refuse to sleep in the same room as my partner and instead share with my child until no longer needed, my worst would be LTB. No child will live in fear in my house. I spent too much time as a youngster listening to. Abusive behaviour and hiding under my duvet.

I'd say your instinct - to care for your son - is the right one.

I hope you are ok also. The situation with your partner doesn't sound pleasant.

Your partner, not your child’s dad? No way should he be getting involved. I would be pushing him out of the house if he treated my child like that.

Can’t you just agree that you will deal with him in the night? I know it’s tiring but better than having a distressed child and a bloke who sounds like he can’t control his temper.

Why is this awful man still in your lives? Honestly, your instincts are spot on here, please don't let this selfish bully force you to override them.

Dd2 was a great sleeper as a baby and thenas a toddler it went to pot. She would often wake in the night and I would get in bed with her sometimes as she clearly needed that reassurance. I think it was stopping by six but she still needed me to sit with her for a bit when she got back into bed, and like your ds she would fall back asleep and be fine. She is 8 now and unless she is ill or had a bad dream she doesn't wake up and if she does to have a wee just gets back into bed. It's ridiculous but I almost miss being needed!

They are still young and need comfort and reassurance. I agree with you that 20 mins out of your night to reassure him is better than listening to him cry and then being tired the next day because he has been awake for so long. Could you leave his big light on though? He might feel better about a light room than seeing that he I'd in dark but the landing is light?

Sorry but no way could I allow my Husband to treat my child like that, it's abusive and awful. It's not unusual for a 6 year old to need comfort, but even if it was, your child needs it. Yelling at him, pushing him and slamming doors is disgusting behavior and will only make him more unsettled. He needs to figure out a way to cope with his anger because it's unacceptable.

He is being totally unreasonable to shout, push and slam doors. That's not parenting at all, it's just bullying and you could argue an abuse of power.

Is he like that during the day as well? Is it just the general way that he is?

If it is out of character, is he open to discussion about how to tackle nights?

This can't continue anyway. You're right it's not going to solve the problem, it will just exacerbate it.

I don't think your way is making things worse but I would expect if my husband had different ideas about how we should handle something that we can talk about it and come up with a plan together.

Looks like it is his dad as op says 'our son'.

Ok so it is his dad. Are you honestly happy being with a man who leaves his son to cry for 15 minutes at night? Why didn’t you go earlier? Are you scared of him?