Unexpected visitors - rude or not?

So clean up, rather than quaking behind your curtains when you hear the doorbell?

My in-laws used to "pop in" without warning even though they lived nearly an hour away. I was studying for accountancy exams and studied in the evening Monday to Thursday (and at the weekend when exams were looming) keeping weekends free for fun and DIY on our doer upper home. They didn't learn until the day they sat outside our house waiting for us to come back for over an hour - we were at a friend's BBQ all afternoon.

How "prepared" do you feel it's necessary to be? It sounds like a very stressful way to live?

I hate people turning up unannounced. There have been times I've been so unprepared that I've just pretended to be out, although that's not so easy if there's a lot of people in the house. Even my most disorganised friend gives me at least an hour's notice.

I honestly think there are many, many worse things than having to extend a little hospitality.

Doesn't sound like they were particular friends of the OP's though. Nothing worse than being hi jacked into making inane conversation with people you barely know, in your own home.

But you understand some of us do care, right?

So what happens if someone wants to make sure they won’t be disturbed that afternoon for whatever reason? Do they lock all their doors, draw the curtains & put a BUSY notice up?

This is me - pls text in advance!!

I too believe it is extremely entitled to assume dropping in to someone will be welcome.

My children wouldn't be impressed either.
Their friends even text when they are calling in.

A person's home is a private place and no one has to apologise for wanting the courtesy of being checked with, if visiting suits.

Anyone who doesn't get that really isn't welcome.

😅 My home isn't ever close to being visitor ready whatever that means. My friends and family know the kids have stuff everywhere, its clean but can be messy. Who cares though? I couldn't give two hoots what anyone else thinks of the way we choose to live.

I also hate being put on the spot when you have a nice evening planned with Dh maybe a film on and a glass of wine poured and then someone turns up out of the blue and blows your plans up and just comes in and sits there for an unknown amount of time.

I hate it when people call unannounced early in the morning because if I opened the door before my shower, my hair would scare the birds away.

Maybe you're one of those people whose home is always "visitor ready" @blackpooolrock , who never spends all day on the sofa in their pjs watching crap on tv, who is never so deep into an enthralling book that they don't want to stop reading for anything, who's never desperate to get the grass cut before it rains or get plants in the soil before they die, and never in the middle of dyeing their hair or bleaching their moustache.

Some of us aren't that perfect, and therefore like notice before guests arrive so that we have time not to look like total slobs and the opportunity to make a tactful excuse in case we really can't be arsed with it.

And it’s so easy to notify or check with people now too. It was more difficult when I was a child - no mobile , WhatsApp or email.

There’s no excuse for just turning up.

No, that poster said your unexpected guests are entitled, not you.

There is no right or wrong overall - each to their own.

You made it clear the first time that you prefer requests, they rudely ignored your boundaries.

Others on here who say you are wrong or strange, FO. Respect others preferences when you are going to THEIR home!

YANBU op! It smacks of them believing that their time and convenience is more important than yours.

Also back then there was a whole generation of sahp who’s lived for visitors as they had not much else going on. Houses were well kept to have people come by, something always cooking to offer people, etc.
Now I think many more women are working, able to get out and about doing actual stuff, instead of unexpectedly hosting someone.

I clearly remember my mum rushing around to shut the curtains on weekends if we heard anyone at our main gate! We even unplugged the house phone too at times. She worked FT and wanted to just relax on weekends with us. It was always all our older relatives who did this though, expecting us to be thrilled at them gracing us with a visit.

Even now friends/family always check with us and we do the same. Isn’t everyone just busy? It’s so utterly rude. I will not open for anyone if they didn’t pre arrange.

Oh yes - the dreaded “But I’ve come to see yoooooo, not your house!” brigade. They think it makes them sound lovely and relaxed, but actually it’s just completely ignoring the preference of the person/people they’re supposed to be so delighted to see. Maybe they DO care if the house is tidy or not.

But literally no one has suggested they need a fortnight’s written notice, have they? People have said, perfectly reasonably, that they prefer a text or call beforehand. This written notice business is all your own (rather childish) hyperbole.

I was bought up being told It was rude not to pop in if you in the area. Yabu. However you told them the first time you didn't like it so they were being rude to fo it the second time.