Unexpected visitors - rude or not?

You'd despair of my family, OP... they all have keys for each other's houses, so they just all wander in and put the kettle on!

To be fair, I was not a fan of relatives turning up when I was still in bed, or in my pyjamas, and expecting me to host them as a teenager. Thankfully, I now live sufficiently far away that they do let me know beforehand, as it's a long trip there and back in a day, let alone if I'm not in.

No i don't think unannounced visitors are rude. I think its bizarre people want notice for a visitor...

Calling ahead or arranging a visit Is something i've only heard of on here, i don't know anyone IRL who behaves like this.

It's very presumptuous to just arrive without asking first. It's like saying I'm just going to fit you in when it's convenient to me regardless of your plans. If people turn up without arranging it in advance they carnt come in, just a quick chat on the doorstep. Just because I'm home it dosrnt mean you can invite my privacy and boundaries.

My brother contacted me earlier and asked if it was OK to come round this afternoon as he's in the area. And that was all it took was a simple phone call just to ask if i was in! I wish more people were like that. Also, I need to hide a family photo of him with his ex partner in it, away from his new partner. She knows the picture is an old one, but all the same it's awkward!

As a child we’d have so many of my parents friends turned up unannounced, I had no choice as it was my parents house but as an adult I do like to have notice, a lovely friend of mine always turns up unexpectedly and as much as I love seeing her it’s always at a time when I’m making or serving dinner or about to have a lie down, it knocks me out of sync.
it is mildly annoying

I dont think theres anything wrong with turning up on the off chance. As long as youre OK with it not being convenient to be invited in.

If I knew I wanted to pop and see someone, id just ask. But if I was in the area and thought oh ill knock see if they're free, and they weren't, even if that was putting their shopping away, id not think anything of it because I showed up without notice.

However I also think theres nothing wrong in not liking that catching you unexpectedly.

I know theres talk of "boundaries" on this thread, but is it a boundary or preference? If DD was dressed and the shopping was away would you have let them in? The truth is if you feel so strongly that it impacts your friendship, you're so annoyed they showed up unannounced you might have to say that. "Oh we're out, if youd called first id have told you and saved you the trip". I think you're expecting them to mind read a bit there, and at best were passive aggressive.

Just say, I dont like it when you show up unannounced, it riles the dogs and sometimes I already have plans. Could you call ahead and check please? Or something similar so they know

I hate it! This thread is making me want to permanently close my curtains and blinds and take the battery out of the doorbell!

I have been on the end of unexpected visitors and it does place you in a very awkward position. I used to be friends with someone who used to live in the area I still live in. She moved away. Didn't hear from her in absolutely years, then one day she just turned up, without any warning. After that first visit, I gave her my phone number again and said "call me", thinking she might have lost my number. After all it had been several years. But she kept doing it. The final time she did it, I finally lost my patience with her, and I said to her I was going out! I had to get my Dad to take me round the block in the car just to make it look like I was going out. I never saw or heard from her from that day to this. I have never confessed what I really did. A five minute phone call is all it takes to make a huge difference. That visitee could be off to work, picking up the kids, off on holiday, or a concert or maybe they're just not well. All we ask for is a little courtesy and consideration.

To me a five minute phone call can make all the difference just to check if someone is available. They could be at work, have visitors, going out, anything.

Disagree. She sounded positively bonkers to me, it did make me laugh though.😅😂

Bit much!

Take a chill pill you absolutely unhinged loon 😅😆😂

You've just denied my whole childhood!

Because it didn't happen to you in your childhood where you lived, doesn't make it untrue! It was absolutely standard in mine and in many other posters lives back then. Calling us liars is beyond the pale.

And in the OPs case her daughter was hanging out in her pyjamas, she was busy unpacking food and it was a Sunday morning, she didn't mention the house not being clean, she just didn't want to be hassled in her own home by uninvited people who'd already been told to call first. I'm so glad she didn't let them in, we need more of this, women who know how to enforce their boundaries.

it's not true, anyway. Nobody did this when I was young, decades ago, living in a working class environment.

I remember the one and only time a relative turned up unexpectedly, he was welcomed as he had cycled quite a distance and we hadn't seen him in a couple of years, but it caused a bit of a kerfuffle and my mum was quite stressed rushing around trying to get biscuits and tidy up, it stands out because it was literally the only time any relative had ever just shown up unannounced, and I was a teenager at the time. To be clear, he'd have been welcomed anyway as we were polite and he was family - but at least in his case it was sort of a welcome drop in, though it caused some rushing around.

There was always a pre determined time and date decided upon on a previous occasion, or they phoned first. I had one friend whose dad got her phone disconnected, so sometimes I would show up and knock at her door, but that was the only reason - she had no phone.

Family and ONLY family turned up very rarely uninvited, it was not standard at all.

Maybe before phones were invtented this was standard, but nobody here is old enough to remember that.

Yep, you're right, they're wrong. Very clear cut in this case.

I do get it because our house is not close at all to visitor ready most of the time, but at the same time we don’t have many visitors and I miss it (we live far away from my friends and I suppose everyone doesn’t want to just drop by without notifying so none of dh’s friends come either - pre Covid they’d have said we’re on a drive etc). I miss the old days

Unless there’s some kind of emergency there is absolutely no need for anyone to turn up unannounced ever because it is the worst 🤷‍♀️😂

I personally don't like it if people show up unannounced. It partly also depends on how long they are expecting to stay - if its a quick 10 minutes to drop something off for example, that's a bit different but if they're expecting a cup of tea or a long chat it is strange.

Some people are very laid back though and they wouldn't care, but I would try and gauge how the other person would react first. It also depends on the closeness of the relationship.

100%.

I agree with you OP and also agree with PPs who say things were different when we were kids however what matters is that you've told them you would like them to call first in future and they've ignored you so that is rude. Just keep saying no.

My in laws have done it a few times, and I bloody hate it.
It’s always when I’m busy, so, I have to stop what I’m doing and entertain them.

And like a PP, i like to run the hoover round before people come over.

My BIL and SIL do this. In fact once the front door wasn’t locked and they just sauntered into our kitchen. I had to get dh to speak to them.

I miss having friends in my house.

Invite them! You don’t have to wait for them to just turn up.

I am with you on this.
There is nothing I detest more than people just turning up.

Absolutely nobody did it until we had our first baby. Suddenly every man and their dog thought they could just turn up whenever they liked. MIL was the worst. Turned up every single day without fail. Partner asked her nicely to message first in case I was sleeping etc. She kept doing it, so I just stopped answering the door. I once caught her peeking through the living room window because I hadn’t answered the door 🙈. No one does it anymore thank god.