Can we please stop the "be the bigger person" narrative

Yabu life's unfair, you cant always get what you want. Saying be the bigger person means accepting something, being mature, being civil and moving on. Teaching children to be petty, vindictive, hateful, jealous and to always say it as it is are not good traits in human.

Nope. Your daughter doesn’t have to have someone at her party who is horrible to her and you don’t need to feel guilty for that. She can have who she wants there. To me, being the bigger person isn’t synonymous with being kind, but being dignified. Tell anyone disagreeing to get lost, politely 😂

No it was leaving primary school party, mean girl had invited a mixed group of boys and girls including the Ops daughter 8 kids I total one of the boys the mean girl invited fancied the Op,s daughter so the Ops daughter waa uninvited confirmed by the mean girls mum ,saying you know what girls are like
The Op has a big house and swimming pool and was proposing to have another party for her dd some of the replies though were just plain nasty..

Fwiw I agree that it shouldn't be a victims responsibility to teach anyone to be kind, and I am also sick of that narrative on everything. Rarely see a little boys t shirt with be kind written on it it's usually adventure is out there or something.

So yes in general in the world less of that narrative would be healthy. Not that everyone should stop being kind, but when it's at your own detriment most could have better boundaries

If this is a taat, it won't last long.

Was the child told in that scenario that they couldn't invite the bully? Or was it that both she and the mother didn't want someone in their home who had been name calling and ostrocizing them? I felt it was the latter, the mother was teaching her DD that you don't have to put up with people treating you like that. So we'll have our own end of term celebration, separate to the other and do something fun together during the other party. Because you don't have to be nice to a bully. If anything at several moments that thread was very little to do with being the bigger person,but think it got that way in the end. Or at least when I switched off.

Agree

This, have read the thread that assume this is about, and absolutely agree ops dd should have a party and not invite this girl to her party. The other girl sees no problem with having a party without mini @Dinosaurshoebox why would she be upset about not going to her party?

But it is it wss very obvious what thread you were referring to.

It does if you teach them to be petty and obsessive about what other people think

Well this is a taat,I can forgive the 10 year old for being mean becsuse they are 10,but some of the replies on the thread from presumably adult women are just plain nasty .

Yes, but that’s what I’ve always taken ‘’be the bigger person’’ to mean. As in don’t react, just ignore and move on, rather than make up with your bully or react aggressively. I haven’t read your other updates yet.

The OP was going to hold a party on a different day to the one her dd had been uninvited from (and was the only girl not invited, all because the party holder liked a boy who liked OP's dd) so people weren't saying she should ruin another party. Only that it was OK to hold her own party now she'd been uninvited and didn't have to invite the girl who uninvited her. Teaching girls to be doormats does them no favours.

But you're suggesting to basically make your plans all around another person. That is getting upset, worse it's getting obsessive. That's why they say the best revenge is being happy

You either teach your child to rise above conflict for inner peace or to fight for every right they perceive to be theirs and face a life of conflicts.

So what’s the point in teaching your kids to get upset all the time about other people’s actions that they have no control over? Yes, getting upset over things is normal at times, but if they’re constantly reactionary about things it doesn’t help their emotional development and they end up constantly feeling victimised or inadequate.

It’s much better to build self esteem and confidence so if they do get bullied, they don’t internalise it so much. Teach them that bullying has nothing to do with them, it is to do with the bully full stop and isn’t indicative of their worth. It isn’t their fault so teach them to ignore it/ tell another adult.

It’s not ‘accepting it’, but just not allowing someone to treat you like shit and ending friendships if they do - instead of reacting by punching them in the nose or making the situation worse by arguing back 😂

Obviously, confident kids aren’t usually the ones who get bullied in the first place as bullies tend to choose those who aren’t so self assured.

In the thread in question, though, I think it’s fine to have your own party and not invite the other girl. The other girl invited OP‘s daughter, then uninvited her and bullied her in front of her friends in the playground. To be a bigger person doesn’t mean you have to invite her to your party, it just means you don’t need to behave in the same way as the other person. Thankfully, it doesn’t sound like she would. This be kind narrative is often really damaging to girls particularly when it’s kindness aimed towards somebody that isn’t showing them any at all.

I'm not sure what you're taking about but they both sound like bullies. Also what does misogyny have to do with a child's party??!

Well said 👏
Rising above and not stooping to.

I disagree. Teaching children to let things go is a good thing. Something are not worth fighting for. It is about seeing the bigger picture.

Just because someone challenges you, it don't mean you need to accept it. There are bigger issues to worry about. The ability to de-escalate is a very valuable tool to teach children.

I have no daughters, but I helped my mother massively with my youngest sister who is 17 years younger than me. I tell her and my dc to let's thing go.

How is misogynistic?

being the bigger person isn’t about being a pushover.
it’s about Rising above bullshit in my opinion