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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH expects me to seduce him

216 replies

Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 03:15

DH and I are trying for a baby (40's so will be almost impossible). I have blood tests, scans, fertility appointments etc...he doesn't even have to wank into a pot. I have PCOS so realise I'm up against it and won't likely succeed. He knows all this. My AIBU is that he doesn't want ANY pressure about having sex with me during my most fertile days. I've gently tried to explain some days are better than others for getting pregnant but he responded by accusing me of putting pressure on him. When asked how I should go about it he said I should 'come and seduce him' when I'm at my most fertile and that he didn't want to know when that was!!
I'm so shocked I can't even articulate a response so am worried I'm being hysterical. But I'm so fucking angry I doubt I'll sleep with the twat again.

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 14/07/2025 04:59

Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 04:31

Yes I have some issues to get checked. Am OK with that and if its not possible then will have to accept it. What I'm not OK with is him dumping all the stress, worry and responsibility on me then expect me to go crawling to him for some of his precious spunk. Which he struggles to produce at the best of times....fuck that.

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Are you both ready to be parents? He doesn’t sound fully on board and you sound like an angry potty mouth

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 04:58

Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 03:50

Why the fuck should I have to seduce him??? He's taking on zero mental load/responsibility! But whinges about pressure. And loves to boast how he'll 'knock me up'... yet is pretty much incapable.

Yuck

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:55

beAsensible1 · 14/07/2025 04:50

You are speaking in such a derogatory way about someone you want to have a baby with?

And rude to people who are trying to give her some good advice

beAsensible1 · 14/07/2025 04:50

You are speaking in such a derogatory way about someone you want to have a baby with?

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:49

Dinosaurshoebox · 14/07/2025 04:48

I'd say this is also a eyeppener for what hes dealing with....

Sometimes infertility is a blessing thay saves a child from a bad situation.
Like a shit home life..

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Tell it like it is 👊

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:49

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Dinosaurshoebox · 14/07/2025 04:48

Newnamehiwhodis · 14/07/2025 04:33

This is your hint about what it would be like to have children with this man child. He’s not going to change. He’ll sit back and whine while you do all the work. Sorry.

I'd say this is also a eyeppener for what hes dealing with....

Sometimes infertility is a blessing thay saves a child from a bad situation.
Like a shit home life..

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:47

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beAsensible1 · 14/07/2025 04:46

Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 04:31

Yes I have some issues to get checked. Am OK with that and if its not possible then will have to accept it. What I'm not OK with is him dumping all the stress, worry and responsibility on me then expect me to go crawling to him for some of his precious spunk. Which he struggles to produce at the best of times....fuck that.

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So he struggles at the best of times and the pressure of ttc is only making it worse ?

he is your life partner not a random why is coming onto him a little some sort of offence?

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:45

TheIceBear · 14/07/2025 04:44

monitoring ovulation gets pretty tiresome after a while . Then there is all the waiting around monitoring for pms vs pregnancy symptoms, praying your period doesn’t arrive and being upset when it does . Men have it easy they don’t have all that to deal with at least, though I’m sure it is stressful for them in its own way.

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It will happen when it's good and ready. Can't force it. That's all I'm saying. Bullying just doesn't work. Patience.

TheIceBear · 14/07/2025 04:44

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monitoring ovulation gets pretty tiresome after a while . Then there is all the waiting around monitoring for pms vs pregnancy symptoms, praying your period doesn’t arrive and being upset when it does . Men have it easy they don’t have all that to deal with at least, though I’m sure it is stressful for them in its own way.

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:43

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Yazzi · 14/07/2025 04:42

partygate · 14/07/2025 04:10

He hasn’t said can we make sure it doesn’t become perfunctory, what he’s said is I don’t want to know anything at all about trying to conceive - he won’t get tested, he doesn’t want to know. He then says she has to seduce him not that they’ll both step up to try to ensure it’s romantic. He has completely absolved himself of responsibility and has taken no interest in how she finds it. Read her post properly.

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This is pretty normal. It's because they can feel the pressure of performance as such and it can lead to them failing to get an erection or ejaculate.

My husband said similar in IVF. He's a lovely man, very unselfish and an equal parent to our now children in all respects. IVF is emotionally hard on both parties. A competition of "well it's worse for the woman" can lead to lack of empathy between two people who are going through something differently but together.

OP I know you're feeling awful over all this but it really doesn't sound like you like your partner or that you think well of him. Maybe that's reasonable and maybe that's not. But either way I don't think you should be actively trying to have kids with someone you think quite badly of.

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:42

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HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:40

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Hedgehogbrown · 14/07/2025 04:39

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You are not a woman. You can't be. Your rampant misogyny is giving you away.

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:39

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TheIceBear · 14/07/2025 04:35

If he is struggling to produce it maybe he is concerned he won’t perform under pressure. I was ttc for years and it really took all the joy out of sex telling my dh when ovulation sticks were positive etc. he never has issues but found it really stressful . It was horrible looking back on it. Just because you have pcos doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be checked out too if you are ttc by the way.

Hedgehogbrown · 14/07/2025 04:35

Well he needs to wank in a cup then and you can inseminated yourself. Most men would be happy to just do it when asked. He is hindering this process, are you sure he'll be a good Dad? Do you want to consider getting a sperm bank baby? It might be easier.

Also he should get his sperm checked so you know you aren't wasting your time. If he says he won't, then you know he doesn't give a shit about having a baby. Mens fertility drops after forty so get him on the vitamins as quickly as possible, and get him to exercise. If he is a slob then you have no chance as his sperm will be shit.

Newnamehiwhodis · 14/07/2025 04:35

No idea why people are piling on you, op. YANBU to want a partner in every sense of the word. He’s not even trying, is he.

DeepRubySwan · 14/07/2025 04:34

Does he ever try and seduce you?

Newnamehiwhodis · 14/07/2025 04:33

This is your hint about what it would be like to have children with this man child. He’s not going to change. He’ll sit back and whine while you do all the work. Sorry.

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:33

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Original poster
Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 04:31

simsbustinoutmimi · 14/07/2025 04:19

Presumably as he doesn’t even have to wank into a pot, his sperm is fine and they’re trying to work out OP’s issues with conceiving. She didn’t say anywhere that he’d refused..tf is it with some women on here making up stuff.

Yes I have some issues to get checked. Am OK with that and if its not possible then will have to accept it. What I'm not OK with is him dumping all the stress, worry and responsibility on me then expect me to go crawling to him for some of his precious spunk. Which he struggles to produce at the best of times....fuck that.

OP posts:
HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 04:31

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