DH expects me to seduce him

But you're posting that on a thread when one partner is not fully consenting. And the other is trying to circumvent his requests for how he wishes to have sex.

Id say it's pretty clear on the post we are on that OP is pretty fucking desperate for this baby.

Im sterilised after successfully naturally conceiving 3 outstanding children in my extremely loving and very sexuallu active (thus the sterilising) marrige.
All of my children were very very enthusiastically conceived FYI....even during the TTC drudgery.

I simultaneously want @HarkerandBarker to be deleted and also kept on here as an example of how truly shit a human being can be without actually being arrestable…..

Half the people on this thread are though IMO

I think women with pcos are fertile for longer (as in older) and hit menopause a few years later than the average woman. That was my understanding anyway.

Grow up, that is nothing to do with lack of consent and do not try to imply it is. Two consenting adults can have fully consensual sex because they are both trying for a baby that if they weren’t trying for a baby they probably wouldn’t be having.

You seem to be working on the assumption that it is only women that want children. I get that you and several others on this thread won’t be probably be in the position of ttc within a loving relationship. It’s a shame for you but you need to work on dealing with your jealousy and bitterness.

Err, no, it's not normal to have no interest or empathy whatsoever and leave your wife/ partner to navigate fertility treatment alone, absolving yourself of any responsibility or involvement. That's fucked up.

(and yes I have been through IVF - 5 years of it - with a supportive and involved DH).

YANBU, like someone else said he is absolving himself of responsibility. Sure, knowing ‘you are fertile’ may affect things slightly, but you shouldn’t have to bear all responsibility alone. Perhaps you can gently explain this and how it makes you feel?

There are A LOT of very strange and unsupportive replies on this thread, especially people that have posted multiple times.

I hope you are ok, I understand how you feel xx

OP you sound so incredibly resentful of him (with good reason, but that doesn't change the fact)... I am absolutely not judging as my DH and I have been through years of fertility treatments and I understand the stress... but if I'm honest, from your posts, your relationship really doesn't sound like it's in the strongest place for parenting right now.

I'm not getting the feeling that he really wants a child, I might be wrong, but from your post he sounds utterly uninterested.

Why hasn't he had any tests done and why is all of the responsibility for this on you? You simply cannot navigate the minefield of fertility treatment in that way, it will completely burn you out. It's a very, very hard thing - it was one of the most difficult times in my life. You need to both be invested and support each other or you will not make it through.

And you sound irritated and fed up with him to the point where it is impacting your mental health and your relationship.

Please consider whether a child is a sensible thing to add into this mix. Babies don't fix things - they require even more commitment, patience, communication - and on top of that you will both be exhausted. It's hard and it can break couples.

Children need an incredibly strong foundation to feel stable and secure - that involves good communication, love, and empathy with/ between parents.

I'm not saying this to scare you but have you thought about trying to see a couples therapist before you TTC? It just sounds like there are some issues to iron out here OP.

You said

sometimes you will have to do it when neither of you are in the mood

And no, she doesn't get to unilaterally decide that he is just going to have to have sex when he isn't in the mood. Thats wrong. She either sucks up that he isn't going to have sex. The right choice imo, I'm team not bringing children into shit show marriges.
Or listen to his needs to meet them in order for him to want to have sex.

What are you talking about?

Yeah so the thing is people actually dont have to have sex when they dont want to. And there's actual words in the English language for those who try and force people to do it when they dont want to.
Not just by physical force but by verbal...

What the fuck are you on about? Half of what you’re saying doesn’t even make sense. No woman writes comments like you do.

Sorry haven't RTFT, but fair enough. I'm guessing he just means do whatever you normally do when you're up for it 😉

OP, post this again in the day time. You’ll get more balanced replies.

We had a a longer time than we would have liked ttc number 2. It is helpful to both of you to try and keep the sex enjoyable and spontaneous but reality is, sometimes you will have to do it when neither of you are in the mood and it will take a bit to get going for both od you. If he’s not on board with this, does he even want a child or is he just going along with you? Fwiw, when we eventually conceived dc2, I’m confident that it was one of the ‘needs must cos of ovulation’ times.

Whilst it’s nice to keep some of the spontaneity, Asking you to put on a performance each and every time and asking to be kept completely in the dark about when you are fertile is pretty pathetic. TTC is a team effort, or should be, why should you bear all the emotional burden? I hope he at least reciprocates in making sure you enjoy it, something tells me he won’t.

You sound really miserable and unhappy with him OP so I don't know why you're trying. Why not get a divorce instead? That's what it sounds like you'd prefer.

You're being selfish and unrealistic. Google the pressure on men of trying to conceive. It is a real thing. And has broken marriages. Men are not robots. They can't just 'get it up and go' on command. Same as women can't. Women need foreplay and to be in the mood. Why is it you think men are any different? How would you feel if your husband entered the room and said I'm ready for sex, turn over, brace yourself. That's it. Nothing. No foreplay, nothing.

That's what you're doing to your husband. He is not going to be able to 'perform', so you won't get what you want. You're being self-defeating in the way you're treating him like shit. You're treating him like a robot and a means to get what you want....pregnant. You're not even treating him like a human being! It's not right when men treat women like that. It's not right either when women treat men like that. Either stop using him as an object for your goal and start seeing him as a human being, or divorce him and let him find a woman who sees him as a human and treats him like one. He'd be better off without you tbh, you sound horrible and nasty and selfish.

Trans?

And the misandry on this thread is equally rampant. Yet more examples of total hypocrisy and double standards when it comes to demanding sex. No one, regardless of the reason, has any right to demand sex whenever they want it and if you think that’s misogynistic then I suggest you look up the proper definition. The op does not appear to like her partner very much and is coming across to me as using him for one thing.

I agree. No way this is a woman unless they’re around 90-100 years old and were a stereotypical 1950s housewife…

He no doubt could have worded it better but is he actually trying to tell you he’s nervous about not being able to perform?

I’m not going to lie, when I was ttc I went full clinical, ovulation sticks, vitamins for both of us etc. Imagine my shock to find out that yelling “I have a faint line on an ovulation stick” did not result in immediate sex but instead my normally totally reliable DH found that a total turn off…! (And yes he was desperate for a baby and is a fab Dad).

I think ttc can be really hard for everyone. Maybe work together to see how you can increase your chances of having good sex at the right moments? If he needs a bit of lingerie every now and then I’d do it if that’s going to help!

On what basis can you actually say that.l? Just because he doesn’t want sex whenever the op demands it? TTC doesn’t give any woman the right to cohesively control their partner and I guarantee if the sexes were reversed he would be called manipulative and abusive.