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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
StJamesInfirmary · 13/07/2025 21:24

EternalSunshine19 · 13/07/2025 20:18

This is such a big red flag. Run!!
The fact that he isn't poor or struggling, tells you this isn't about money. This is about control and it's only going to get worse

This this this. Very alarming behaviour OP.

Bestfootforward11 · 13/07/2025 21:24

Gosh no, that’s not a partnership. Loo roll?? I think you should speak directly to him about how you feel. If he doesn’t get it, then move on. This is minimal level stuff and I don’t think you should have to argue/negotiate. Don’t waste your time.

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 13/07/2025 21:23

I'd flat out tell him you will not put up with such controlling, mean behaviour and are putting him on notice that your relationship will end if it doesn't stop immediately.

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 13/07/2025 21:22

Dump him and text his parents that you've exited the relationship because he's charging you for the number of loo rolls you use. Grass him up before he tells people a different version of the story, arseholes like him usually do.

TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 13/07/2025 21:22

He sounds a boring miserable miser. Not how I would want to live my life and depressing that he considers focussing on this a constructive use of his time. I doubt he’ll change and it’ll only get worse if you get pregnant or are ever in a situation where you need to depend on him. Not a keeper.

Devianinc · 13/07/2025 21:21

Just ,eave, he’s a disgusting penny pinching miser. Leave him be to count his pennies by himself. That cheap shit trait is probably one of the worst. I can’t believe he actually started to count the toilet paper. He’s a troll. Get out.

Internaut · 13/07/2025 21:20

Does this weighting of the bill split ever work in your favour rather than his - e.g if he has a headache will he acknowledge that he's been using more paracetamol than you; if he has left overs does he charge himself more?

Okbyethen · 13/07/2025 21:19

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

HazelHedgehog · 13/07/2025 21:19

Run !! This is mad way to live and so so boring. Who has time to mark supermarket shop line by line

Busybeemumm · 13/07/2025 21:19

Think long term. What happens when you go on maternity and can't work as having a child. What happens if you get sick long term and can't work. Do you really want to be with someone who bills you for toilet roll! Have a higher standard for yourself and leave this relationship. He is not your person. Being tight is so unattractive and major ick.

BoarBrush · 13/07/2025 21:19

My husband has colitis (well had, as he has a stoma now), we go through shit tonnes of toilet roll. I'd be a millionaire if I asked him to pay me half.

Your boyfriends a cunt.

BeachPossum · 13/07/2025 21:19

The way I would dump him so fast for this

Zov · 13/07/2025 21:18

Never marry a tight fisted man! Dump him @Amber991 If you have children, he will do fuck-all in the house, or to 'help' with the children. Men like this are selfish as fuck, and usually selfish in bed. Urgh! I hate a stingy man. 😖

Mumofsoontobe3 · 13/07/2025 21:16

Sounds v stingy and strange. Sorry OP, is he financially controlling in other ways? I understand paying your way with household bills but 50/50 right down to who uses more toilet paper pays extra? How long have you been together, has he always been this way?

LBFseBrom · 13/07/2025 21:16

It's very strange indeed, I've never before come across it. Is he worried about money at the moment, does he have debt? It could be his way of saying you need to tighten your belts but doesn't want to spell it out. If not it's just plain mean imo.

WanderleyWagon · 13/07/2025 21:16

He is being wildly, wildly unreasonable. This is not in the same universe, let along parish, as reasonable.

This isn't being frugal and sensible. This is being an outrageous skinflint and a selfish, unsupportive asshole. Already I see you go halves, despite the fact that he earns more than you. That is not outrageous, but sounds like what you're experiencing now is him testing the waters and showing you what he's really like.

I'd be having an absolutely come to jesus talk with him to explain that this is in no way acceptable - but privately I'd be developing a plan B to leave, because I don't think meanness with money is a personality trait that is likely to change.

Meggy123 · 13/07/2025 21:16

The sort of partner you need is one that when you have a poorly tummy comes home with extra quilted toilet paper without you asking.

BedtimeWorries889 · 13/07/2025 21:14

Move out.

Bikergran · 13/07/2025 21:13

He's weird and controlling. Get out now, and be thankful he won't be your problem any more.

DreamTheMoors · 13/07/2025 21:13

Imagine celebrating your golden wedding anniversary.

That’s the next fifty years of him dividing up every teensy tiny Little petty ridiculous thing in your life.
Cereal
Lunch meat
Cheese
Oatmeal
Laundry detergent
Cutting your sheets in half down the middle
Labeling every single towel
Marking the dishes
His and hers tea & coffee
Will he count the bread slices?

I wish you luck, @Amber991— you are certainly gonna need it. ❤️

PiggieWig · 13/07/2025 21:12

Mean with money, mean with love…

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 13/07/2025 21:12

Vaxtable · 13/07/2025 20:12

I would be moving back out, pronto

Me too…PDQ !!!

beadystar · 13/07/2025 21:11

He’s quibbling about toilet roll? It’s not like you’re throwing back the finest champagne when he makes do with own-brand coke! Get rid of him omg.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 13/07/2025 21:10

Unanimous vote...?
You move out.

JLou08 · 13/07/2025 21:09

I couldn't live like that. I'd be reconsidering the relationship.