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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
Middlechild3 · 13/07/2025 22:09

Far from normal and you don't have to agree to it. Tell him he is being utterly ridiculous.

CalicoPusscat · 13/07/2025 22:08

Abnormal. Get out whilst you can.

gamerchick · 13/07/2025 22:08

You're not compatible living together. What happens if you decide the breed with him? It'll get into Twilight zone territory.

You dont have to split up. You just will probably be happier living apart I think.

OnTheBoardwalk · 13/07/2025 22:04

Keepingoin · 13/07/2025 21:48

Again I haven't read all the responses. I have read posters who say they split everything financially 50/50. I haven't read enough to consider if this includes within marriage. Thankfully I'm married to a man who has always earned more than me. He wouldn't dream of accusing me of him contributing more financially to our relationship especially when I contribute more in other ways.

@Keepingoin i get that you don’t read the hundreds of responses before you post, that’s up to you

do you read any of the OPs updates in a thread?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/07/2025 22:03

@Amber991 bad choice!!

magpie234 · 13/07/2025 22:03

Comedycook · 13/07/2025 20:13

I'd tell him to go fuck himself, split up and try to find a man who's not going to police my toilet roll use.

This.

MissHollysDolly · 13/07/2025 22:02

this is not normal. Stop eating / using “joint” food for the week and when you eat at home keep it to beans on toast. See if he’s willing to pay more if he’s eating more.

PruthePrune · 13/07/2025 22:01

This relationship is doomed. What a tightarse. Make sure your contraception is rock solide, better still, get out now.

TheSilentScreamInYourHead · 13/07/2025 22:01

He will only get worse, mean and petty people always get worse.
Ditch, you deserve better.

doneandone · 13/07/2025 21:59

Omg op, I could not live like that!!!
Are you planning on having children with him? If so.......DONT!!

Revival75 · 13/07/2025 21:59

For the love of god! You don’t even have to ask…,,

revels1 · 13/07/2025 21:58

RUN 🏃‍♀️

Fleur405 · 13/07/2025 21:58

He needs some therapy (which he should meet 100% of the cost of).

Very very bizarre and if you don’t put a stop to it now it will only get worse.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/07/2025 21:58

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 21:48

We were together nearly two years before moving in to his house, we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair. The plan has always been to buy together but we both said we’d want to live together first. I’m not aware of any debt issues etc.

So this is when you find out if you want to commit to a lifetime of living this way.

Have a discussion on how he sees finances being split once you're married/have kids.
Two years is a long time, so should have had an idea of his spending.

Does he treat you OP?
Are you wasteful? (Not the loo roll).

Nothing more unattractive than a stingy man, but equally someone who's wasteful.

Isthisit22 · 13/07/2025 21:57

This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever read on here.
How can you even contemplate continuing to live with this nasty, petty little man?

Devianinc · 13/07/2025 21:57

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 13/07/2025 21:22

Dump him and text his parents that you've exited the relationship because he's charging you for the number of loo rolls you use. Grass him up before he tells people a different version of the story, arseholes like him usually do.

Yes, do this bc she’s right.

MeridaBrave · 13/07/2025 21:57

That’s just not normal. I could understand each person paying for say own shampoo / conditioner but not split food / cleaning products / toilet paper 50:50 is insane. I mean maybe ok if say one person
really liked to eat a lot of raspberries in the winter and they were expensive perhaps. Does he weigh portion sizes at dinner?

You might use more toilet paper. He might eat more. It evens out and even if it doesn’t that’s the cost of living together.

I think it’s a massive red flag.

Serencwtch · 13/07/2025 21:53

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 21:48

We were together nearly two years before moving in to his house, we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair. The plan has always been to buy together but we both said we’d want to live together first. I’m not aware of any debt issues etc.

I think the trial living together has shown you what he is like. This won't improve.

Do not buy a house with this man.

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/07/2025 21:53

He sounds awful.

Why not get him to look at all his receipts and bills before you moved in? I bet you are paying more than any increases, so he's actually making money off you.

Two people living together cost less than living separately. Shared expenses should be split in proportion to income, I think. Although, moving out would be the best decision.

PurpleThistle7 · 13/07/2025 21:52

Nope. This is not normal or something I’d be interested in being a part of at all. I’d have run far away already

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2025 21:50

What on earth! I thought this would be about fancy toiletries, we tend to get the basics with the food shop; shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant etc but if I want something fancier (loccitane shower oil at £30 a pop) I buy it from my disposable income, same with DH and beers I'll get some brewdog etc with the food shop but he wants to go to the fancy artisan microbrewery the other side of town and pay £6/7 a can (or buy stuff in weird metal containers that he has to take back) that's a him spend.
This man sounds controlling and judgemental!

ETA the grocery shop comes out of the joint account

Keepingoin · 13/07/2025 21:48

Again I haven't read all the responses. I have read posters who say they split everything financially 50/50. I haven't read enough to consider if this includes within marriage. Thankfully I'm married to a man who has always earned more than me. He wouldn't dream of accusing me of him contributing more financially to our relationship especially when I contribute more in other ways.

Original poster
Amber991 · 13/07/2025 21:48

We were together nearly two years before moving in to his house, we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair. The plan has always been to buy together but we both said we’d want to live together first. I’m not aware of any debt issues etc.

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 13/07/2025 21:47

If you want more of this stay with him. He’s telling you/showing you how he really is, believe him! This will not get any better, but he’ll tighten the screws in other ways. A controller - heck yes!

LakieLady · 13/07/2025 21:46

Bibbitybobbity70 · 13/07/2025 20:16

He's already financially controlling you. Huge red flags, it won't be long before he tries to control other aspects of you life
B

This.

My ex started off by going through the supermarket receipts and griping about stuff that I'd bought. He ended up being very controlling, which is why I dumped the fucker.

Any man who can seriously consider apportioning bog roll usage is not one to be sharing your life with.