Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

This isn't just mean and petty, this is actively nasty. Nastiness directed personally at you, your needs and vulnerabilities. It will escalate.

Jesus. That is a crazy level of pettiness and tightness and he’s not even financially struggling! Have you ever said you think it’s ott? Is it his way of pushing you away? Is he just struggling with living with anyone, full stop?

Thank god you didn’t buy with him or marry. I’m sorry, but this is a huge red flag and I do think you probably are best off moving out and moving on.

100%

What a sad situation but I think you have enough comments to know what to do. Reading your OP made my stomach turn.

Just don’t fucking to this to yourself.
No wonder you have stomach issues.

I will give you the TLDR version of your future.

You will live with you paying more as you use more even though you earn less.
He wont get married as its "just a piece of of paper and a waste of money"
You will have a baby but have to save for your half (plus extra) of the bills during maternity leave as he wont support you
You will buy everything for the baby
You will pay for everything child related including childcare when you want to go back to work
You will leave him when you realise that he has £100,000 in savings and you cant afford a new coat
You will get nothing and have to start from scratch.
He will do anything to avoid paying child support

Run and don't look back. When you have kids, you'll be buying everything as it's your baby.
This has more red flags than Red Square

Ickity ick 🚩

you have two options:
1: completely separate finances down to having separate toilet rolls in the bathroom and timed showers.

2: run like fuck and don’t ever look back and do not have a child with this man

My ex husband used to share 'share' bags of sweets into two bowls so l didn't get one more than he did. And he once cut the 'extra' (we had 13 in the packet rather than the usual 12) jaffa cake in half.
But quite often l'd do a big shop then go to work on a late shift. More than once l came home to find he'd eaten seven bags of crisps out of a pack of ten. Five of which were meant to be mine. And I earned more money than he did.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this, OP?
Trust me, he's not going to change, and it'll likely get worse.

He's not good at sharing, you don't want to live with someone who doesn't share nicely.

I know so many mums who struggle with tight partners, don't do it to yourself!

Why do you pay extra on top if you split utility bills 50/50?
Being a tightwad and control freak is very unattractive. Move back out.

I would move back out

NOT A KEEPER OP, you can’t seriously stay with someone like this. Make your plans to move back out. Warn others about him.
And what does this mean? we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair.
you split the bills..: and then you pay more to make it fair? Why does it need making fair? Your shower is 2 mins longer? ‘Woman tax’ he’s a stingy miser, and financially abusive. He’s penalising you for being unwell and living with him, bet he’s not saying I had a slightly larger meal Sunday so that’s 80p extra for me. You can’t reason with this, you can only plan your exit.

If this is actually real, it's a summer fête full of red flags.

That he even thought this was OK to think and say out loud, speaks volumes. He won't change. Imagine adding maternity leave, formula, nappies, clothes, nursery fees so "you" can go back to work, school uniforms, clothes and fees for activities he doesn't want the kids to go to into the mix.

Fuck. That.

Run.

Total red flag. You’re a burden to him not a respected partner. I’m sorry.

This is a red flag the size of a circus tent. Get out now. Making you pay more for loo roll because you have stomach issues?! This is the kind of attitude that will make your life miserable and it sounds like it already is. There is no amount of good stuff that can make up for this.

Some people are a bit on the stingy side of sensible with things like always buying cheap versions of stuff or never having coffee out - this isn't that. It's a life where you're always monitored and never feel free to do what you want. Get out now and don't look back.

Sorry OP, that was hard to read, as just so cringe worthy 😱

Absolutely, this IS NOT NORMAL, smacks of a severe personality flaw and is just gross to boot. He professes to love you, yet monitors your toilet paper use - could you imagine doing that? With someone you loved, like your mum or best friend? Or even an acquaintance?

It also shows he doesn't see you as a "give and take" partnership - you might have used £2.40 more toilet paper than him (🤢) but maybe you spent 20 minutes longer that week cooking? Or bore more of the emotional load of the relationship? Or when you watched tv, it was something he chose, so the tv electric was really more for his benefit?? Where does it end? Madness. Weird, gross madness. Bin him off.

Run. Now.

Be thankful you had the sense to live together before having kids.

Been in a similar situation. It will get worse rather than better as he will always find something that is unfair and the rules will multiply. When he finds out you buy sanitary products in the weekly shop you will get billed....and more for cleaning of you leak ever. Holidays will involve owing him for an expensive cocktail or a sunbed. Jumping ahead, if you have children with him just imagine the arguments re mat leave, child costs,.maternity clothes etc.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

So he earns more but you are paying more for food, toiletries and utilities according to a weighting system he has invented to make things fair? Going through the shopping receipt item by item is so undignified for someone who earns a decent wage. You can't stop him humiliating himself but you don't have to let him do it to you too.

Please, please leave this awful man. If you decide you can put up with his tight fisted behaviour then please do not have children with him. Children should never have to go without because a parent is too stingy to pay for what they need.

Actually, I think he'll make OP pay extra as she'll be at home more, so using more utilities. And if he buys a multipack of crisps, he'll assume she'll be eating for two and charge her 2/3 of the cost...

Bloomin eck what have I just read ! Charges you more for loo roll jeez ! Get rid pronto

🤣🤣🤣

Has someone put it in his head that you're after his money, if he earns more and has a house / savings...or that you're getting the better deal somehow? Has he got a friend or family member who is very money oriented?