Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

Sorry this is happening. Depending how you feel about the rest of the relationship, which is presumably good, it is worth trying to really talk about how you work it out together and what you longer term plans are. If you are considering buying together it sounds long term. You are a team now and not a flatshare, and presumably you'd help each out of either of you have a difficult time like one lost a job.

Maybe he is oblivious to how many couples do it, but we like many put both our salaries into a joint account, and get equal pocket money each month . All bills, house stuff, car stuff and groceries come from joint account. For a while he has been the bigger earner, but now I am.
This might feel too big step yet, but some sort of step in that direction, that feels right for both of you. I think its very important to be on same page as each about finances and be open and able to talk about them.

100% agree. Also people like these get worse with age and their earning power is nothing to do with it. Behaviour like this is an illness. OP has invested 2 years in this relationship and may be unwilling to heed the giant red flags.

Run.

How has your vagina not completely sealed shut at his receipt dissection? Making you pay more for loo roll because you've been unwell? What the actual fuck?

This makes me so sad, that you are doubting yourself, this behaviour isn't normal or fair. I really hope you move back out.

Red flag galore ⛳️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Oh, how miserable.
I had a miserly boyfriend & it was a relief to split up with him, and start going out with normal people who weren't penny-pinching scrooges.

Its ok to say CUNT on MN!

My friends SIL is married to a man like this & after 39+ years of marriage he still deducts any personal items she bought (used to be San pro) & things like tomatoes (which he doesn't eat) 2 (niw adult) kids later I thought he might have grown up. But apparently not.

id move out.

This would give me the major ick. Dump! You'll end up being one of those couples who has a kid and you have to use your savings to cover maternity leave.

Do you pay extra for sanitary towels or if you need paracetamol if you are ill- what about if you have children are maternity clothes your responsibility and maternity towels after birth. This is total madness. Women pay more than men for everything eg hair cuts - he earns more than you. Surely you pay a % based on earnings? No? Wtaf

Yep. Run run run!

Come on. You are in a relationship with someone who charges you more for toilet roll when you have a dodgy stomach. Wft. Get a grip. This guy needs binned. How on earth can you find this in any way acceptable. Jesus wept. 🤦‍♀️

Well now that you've lived together you can see what a miserly controlling arse he is. Is this how you want to live, with him poring over receipts trying to find a way to shift the costs onto your shoulders?

"No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save"
"Struggles with spending" - well that's a 'nice' way to say he's a Scrooge. But however you say it, he is a tight-fisted, miserly, mean, penny-pinching man. And he always will be.

Consider some hypotheticals -

1. You are made redundant and struggle to find another job. You have no money to meet your 50:50 share. Ho does he react?
2. You become ill and cannot work. How does he react?
3. You decide to have a family and maternity leave is paid at statutory minimum. Does he insist you still 'pay your share'?
4. Having started a family you are burned out working full time and raising a child, you consider going part-time. Does he insist you still 'pay your share', even if that involves dipping into your savings (his are ring-fenced, you cannot touch his savings)?

The fact that he "struggles with spending and prefers to save" is, in combination with his poring over supermarket receipts, a bit of a red flag. A big bit. You are right to feel uneasy, because it demonstrates that at heart, he is mean. He will always seek to make you pay, so that he can 'save'.

Move back out. Reconsider if this man is one you want to tie yourself to financially, because his meanness will not change.

That's just ridiculous. He's being unreasonable and it's not likely to get better.He obviously has a very warped idea of what a relationship is. Think hard about what you want for the future.

Run, run, run, it will only get worse, a leopard never changes his spots.

By the by, you moved into his place, does he rent or buying?
Are you paying for his mortgage or his rent at the moment?

You need to stop feeling 'uneasy' you know this level of pettiness is plain wrong. You need to start being angry and making plans to exit. It's been 2 years too long.

OP, you have everyone's support on this. Now what are you going to actually do?

This is insane behaviour. Very controlling. I would be out before it goes any further sorry op

OMG just no.
Counting toilet paper is the most batshit thing I have ever heard. Is this even a real post.
Sorry but I would be moving back out unless you want a lifetime of absolute misery.

This man resents you. That’s all you need to know here.

Sigh.

These blokes are never equally concerned about monitoring chores to make sure that they do not ever do less than their fair share do they?

You're uneasy for a reason OP. Start making plans to exit the flat and exit the relationship.

This is the easiest leave the relationship thread I've ever seen on Mumsnet. The mentality from him towards money and a partnership is just unfathomable to me. He is making your life miserable and it will get worse and worse. How can anyone live like this?!

you have "used more loo roll" - weighted the division for you to pay more !

That alone is enough reason for you to leave this relationship forever

I would rather stay single, than put up with this XXXX
Who does he think he is ?

Throw this one back OP, counting crisps and monitoring toilet roll is not normal. It's given me the ick just thinking about it.