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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/07/2025 01:19

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:11

No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save

Show quote history

Dump him

Life is much too short

cherish123 · 14/07/2025 01:03

I agree, if you live with a boyfriend or girlfriend, everything should be split equally. However, it's a bit tight with the loo roll!

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 01:00

Mmhmmn · 14/07/2025 00:46

If this is a serious post, get out of this relationship right now.

if it’s a joke, it’s not a funny one.

I agree with you and am sort of hoping it’s a joke bc it doesn’t seem to be something that anyone would put up with. It’s bizarre

Mmhmmn · 14/07/2025 00:46

If this is a serious post, get out of this relationship right now.

if it’s a joke, it’s not a funny one.

Tahlbias · 14/07/2025 00:44

Do u you share all the household chores, cooking etc? If not and you do the majority, charge him for it!

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 00:35

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 13/07/2025 21:23

I'd flat out tell him you will not put up with such controlling, mean behaviour and are putting him on notice that your relationship will end if it doesn't stop immediately.

Why bother, just go and when your leaving laugh in his face.

Anyahyacinth · 14/07/2025 00:34

His brain would explode then in a split based on ability to pay, in proportion to what you earn. He is feeble...reminds me of a US man who said pregnancy costs were her healthcare and thereby not for him to fund. A mind like his, processing in that feeble way is not evolved for love or a partnership. Yuck

Pallisers · 14/07/2025 00:33

And while you mull on the advice on here to run a mile, buy a copy of Last Chance Saloon by Marian Keyes and see a fictional depiction of your boyfriend.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:30

Run. A. Mile.

caringcarer · 14/07/2025 00:28

I just told my DH he makes you pay for a few sheets of extra toilet paper and he just choked on his coffee. He thought I'd made it up it was so stupid.🚩

LurkyMcLurkinson · 14/07/2025 00:27

This is exactly the type of man who would suggest you should use your savings to pay your way during maternity leave or who would forever make you feel indebted if he contributed more than you while you were on maternity. The stinginess and selfishness is surely the most unattractive thing you’ve ever come across? imagine being so stingy you start monitoring toilet roll. Thank god you moved in with him and didn’t buy so now it’s easier to escape. You dodged a bullet there.

Edited to add if this is his starting point imagine how much worse it would get with time.

Pallisers · 14/07/2025 00:24

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

This was worth posting multiple times.

Get away from this man OP.

BlueRin5eBrigade · 14/07/2025 00:23

Run forest. Run

Forrest Gump Running GIF
caringcarer · 14/07/2025 00:19

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

Is this a joke post? No one can be so stingy as to begrudge a few sheets of toilet paper. I can promise you he'll never make you happy or feel loved or cherished. Bin him off and look for a keeper.

FrodoBiggins · 14/07/2025 00:19

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:11

No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save

Show quote history

He sounds like a prick. I earn more than my partner (about 6x as much) so I pay much more of the bills in a similar proportion. Imo this is the only fair way.

Half and half is not really fair but I think you could live with it, especially early in a relationship. He's being stingy and selfish, such a turn off and a horrible sign for the future.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:16

Run. A. Mile.

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 14/07/2025 00:05

If you have children with this man OP, he will count every cost they incur as part of 'your share' of the bill.

He'll probably be fine with being a father as long as it doesn't cost him anything emotionally or financially.

He'll never count the cost of childcare as his responsibility, or take a day off work when he'll see it as your job as you had the children.

He'll even consider himself a good father, while expecting you to do all the work of raising them and pay all the costs of keeping them alive.

He is not marriage material.

Other than a calculator, what is he bringing into this relationship?

DiscoBob · 14/07/2025 00:04

That sounds madly unreasonable.
Counting sheets of toilet roll and squirts of hand soap...
Ridiculous.

MumWifeOther · 14/07/2025 00:04

Run as fast as you can. You shouldn’t build a life with a “man” like this. Definitely a new ick unlocked.

76evie · 13/07/2025 23:59

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 21:48

We were together nearly two years before moving in to his house, we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair. The plan has always been to buy together but we both said we’d want to live together first. I’m not aware of any debt issues etc.

Why do you pay a contribution on top? Surely if you spilt all bills and food in halve, except for the mortgage, you shouldn’t be paying anything on top.

Do not have children with this man, he is never going to support you financially when on maternity leave and help make up any pension shortfalls.

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