Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

Reddist of red flags.

Unbelievable!

Crikey, whatever you do, don't have a baby with this one.

Cheap with money, cheap with love. You know he's shit in bed too.

End it

Red flags.

Get out while you can.

You have different approaches to money. He is not someone you want to waste spend your life with.

Picture this, you stay together. In 5 years time you become unwell and can't work, or decide to have children. You end up claiming PIP, UC or relying on mat pay.

Is he going to make you pay exactly 50%? Pay him back because you had an extra slice of pizza? Do you really think he will go from counting up the toilet rolls to stepping up and supporting you?

If he isn't happy covering you for a fraction more food or TP, then what will he do when you think the kids need new shoes, or want to go to a toddler group on mat leave?

Put him back. He is being ridiculous and clearly he isn't ready for the push and pull of a committed relationship.

Surely you already use twice as much loo roll due to being a woman? Or is this just utter bullshit.

Massive ick 🚩

Well you must be much more laid back than me because you describe his behaviour as 'making you uneasy'. I think his behaviour is repulsive!

Do you want to live like this @Amber991?

that’s what you need to ask yourself

he sounds dreadful by the way

apart from the controlling tosser part - going through a receipt and working out your exact fraction of a multipack of crisps, taking leftovers into account, can you not see how fucking insane, and tear numbing tedious this is?

What’s next? Weighing dirty laundry and proportioning out detergent?

Or before you leave, and you are going to leave surely, why not be as fucking petty and pedantic as this tossend, I washed up your cup and plate yesterday, which took 25 seconds, billed at my usual rate that is 18.3pence about the same price as a packet of multipack crisps.
Last Thursday I carried back 4 cans of lager for you making the shopping bag 46% heavier so my muscles did more work so I am owed half a boiled egg in calories and protein.

He wants to count loo roll sheets then let the Oh Fucking Yes This Is Petty begin!

Also regarding the loo roll business the childish part of my brain wanted to argue that actually he should pay more for bog roll because he uses more of it because he’s clearly a wanker.

Do you eat the same amount at every meal? I find men in general eat a lot more than women. Does he account for that, or is it just where he can find ways to charge you more?
Anyway, its no way to live at all, and could possibly get a whole lot worse (coercive control territory). Nip it in the bud completely, or leave, do not go along with it.

Why not open a new bank account and deposit the same amount each Into it each month. You must have an idea of your household spend in an a stage month. Use this account for household bills, and keep your personal spend is deodorants, etc separate. If that doesn't resolve the issue you need to decide if you want to live with that level of anal retention. Just a thought though is he dealing with a money crises that he can't tell you about?

Run. He is a loon. Count his peas/beans next time you cook dinner and see how he reacts. You deserve better.

Also is all housework and the mental load evenly split? Not everything has an itemised receipt.

I'd run

You’re right it’s totally over the top. You can’t live like that!

He's weighing stuff?

He's controlling and nuts and cheap.

Move out. This will not improve.

How long did you date this tightwad before moving in?

Well that sounds utterly miserable.

Id be moving back out

My fanny clamped shut, possibly forever reading that. How unattractive.

Seriously though, you need to rethink this relationship. He’s already controlling you in this way he will get worse and his behaviour will spread into other areas of your life. Don’t hang about for that to happen.

Splitting finances in any way you deem reasonable is fine. I can imagine if your gruvery shop includes a multitude of hair and body products for you and a bar if soap for him that'd feel unfair - and similar if he wanted steak for every meal and you were veggie.

But this is excessive. He obviously believes he's paying more than his fair share so is he? Is it significantly more? Is there any area he spends more than you?

He shouldn't be excessively worse off living with you so it may be necessary to have a different split but not down to checking the receipt and who are the leftovers.

If you have a baby together is he going to bill the baby for nappies and wet wipes?

Get rid of this prick.

Just, wow. What a turn off.

Op while dh doesn’t do that he absolutely lives by how much the food shop costs,how much is spent etc. I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to have conversations about whether things are needed, or surely you can wait and get it next month etc. I don’t know if you plan on having kids but it gets worse with that. Even better is that he thinks most people are too frivolous and people need to keep tightly within their means (why would lower income people buy concert tickets if they can’t afford them. I am lower income btw, mw!) I don’t know that I’d break up now but I would have the ‘how would you feel?’ And ‘do you know I’m not spending the rest of my life having things worked out and approved?’ chat.

This reminds me of a book, The Joy Luck Club where he splits grocery bills but won't cover the cost of her tampons.

I could not live like this. Left overs and toilet roll counting. This is insane.