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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
ButtonMoonBlanketSky · 13/07/2025 20:49

alwayslearning789 · 13/07/2025 20:12

Run.

My thoughts exactly.

Pleasealexa · 13/07/2025 20:49

I'm not sure any student house sharers would even do this, let alone a couple who are supposed to be sharing a life...how can you possibly have a future together when he won't share a few sheets of loo roll??

What happens when you go out to eat for dinner, is the bill split 50)50 or does he calculate what you have eaten?

Such an unattractive personality trait and absolutely not someone who would be easy to live with.

TomatoSandwiches · 13/07/2025 20:47

How is he when it comes to squaring equal orgasms?

Mrsttcno1 · 13/07/2025 20:47

Personally I think it’s really OTT but I know I do have a friend who does this with her partner. Not quite down to the toilet roll but I know they go item by item on the shopping receipt and work it out that way rather than just splitting it- it works for them so none of my business but it just doesn’t feel like much of a relationship to me.

The only time I could sort of see where splitting like this would make sense is if you had one person eating a full English for breakfast & steak for dinner every day while the other person is having a slice of toast for breakfast & jacket potato for dinner. Or if one was a much bigger eater and so was eating 90% of the biscuits/crisps/sweets every week then I can see where it would be more fair for that person to pay a bigger % of the cost but if we’re literally talking about an extra 1 pack of crisps that must genuinely be about 20p extra of a multipack it feels really petty.

JMSA · 13/07/2025 20:47

Noooooo. This is wholly unattractive.

OurBeautifulBaby · 13/07/2025 20:47

I would want to move back out.

Floranan · 13/07/2025 20:46

If you were my daughter I would be helping you pack

Monty27 · 13/07/2025 20:46

Omg what an utter price. Leave right now.

Jellyslothbridge · 13/07/2025 20:46

This is not a healthy way to function. I would however find it hard to resist being as petty and looking at portion sizes, number of drinks, length of showers, size and member of towels used, amount of dirt on clothing, housework, cooking and chores, admin undertaken and calculating a cost to that.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/07/2025 20:44

It's a bit concerning that you have to ask if this behaviour is OTT, I'm not sure what your past relationships have been like but this is mad! You're meant to be a couple, a team etc, and he's acting like this?!!

Shoxfordian · 13/07/2025 20:44

Huge red flag
Move back out - he sounds petty and controlling

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 13/07/2025 20:43

Massive ick

Jeschara · 13/07/2025 20:43

I would move out, but not before I told him how his tightness, and fussiness, especially over toilet paper, when you have a health condition are both off putting and unattractive.
I really detest men like this. In fact it makes me shudder.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/07/2025 20:42

That is ridiculously controlling, and in no way a partnership. Get out. And for the love of god don't have children with him.

Woodworm2020 · 13/07/2025 20:42

Run for the hills

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 13/07/2025 20:42

For the second time tonight I'm putting a post in my top 5 batshit things ive read on MN!! @Amber991 this is seriously not normal and I wouldn't be entertaining this, im all for being fair but this is just ridiculous

AgnesX · 13/07/2025 20:41

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:11

No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save

Show quote history

He sounds downright mean. It's not being careful it's being tight.

I'd start to rethink your relationship. Have the conversation but make it clear that it's unattractive and just not in. Personally I wouldn't bother with the conversation, I'd just make my plans to go. Or better, get him to go.

Testerical · 13/07/2025 20:41

is he good and generous in bed? I have never met a tightwad who is sexually competent.

that aside, I mean, come on! How ridiculous. I’d tell him no thanks, that approach won’t work for me. Why does he get to choose how the money situation works? It should be a mutually agreed solution and this is clearly batshit.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 13/07/2025 20:40

Sounds like the type of crap we did as students when every penny counted, not a partnership!

onehorserace · 13/07/2025 20:40

I knew a couple like this. They divorced !

IesuGrist1975 · 13/07/2025 20:39

chicke09 · 13/07/2025 20:30

Massive ick 🚩

This, this level of financial tightness would give me the instant ick.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 13/07/2025 20:38

My ex husband was like this. We had to shop with separate baskets at the supermarket as he lived on pot noodles and frozen breaded chicken and said he wasn't paying half the cost of 'my' food which was fresh salmon and vegetables, despite the fact that i was happy to cook for both of us. If he bought a loaf of bread on the way home from work and it was £1.40, he'd stand there with hand stretched out asking for 70p. I couldn't get rid of him quick enough. He's a Director in the Civil service would you believe?

I look back on that time and realise what a crazy way to live it was. I also feel very sorry for his new wife.

I8toys · 13/07/2025 20:38

Absolutely not. What a miserable way to live.

MoveOnTheCards · 13/07/2025 20:36

Ick.

There’s being careful with money then there’s being a stingy bastard. How is that a partnership?

I would dump and move on.

Steelworks · 13/07/2025 20:35

Not normal . He should supporting you when poorly, not penalising you. This is stingyness to the highest degree. Not good news. Sorry, (actually not sorry) but ditch him.