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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
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SALaw · 16/07/2025 06:36

I’d be moving back out again. He isn’t the one.

Zanatdy · 16/07/2025 05:18

Wow, this is madness.

whynotmereally · 16/07/2025 05:15

Tell him you are unhappy with the itemisation of groceries and want to do 50:50 split.

if he refuses you have to consider if this is what you want long term. If you chose to have kids and he refused to contribute to toys/outings as they are not deemed necessary

IDontHateRainbows · 16/07/2025 04:38

If you put a lump of coal up his arse would a diamond fall out 2 weeks later?

BBQmuncher · 16/07/2025 04:36

This won't get better. Do you plan to have DC together? If so, don't. This will not end well. Imagine mat leave, nursery fees etc. Just dump the guy. This is not saving/being careful with money but it's control on a different level.

FreddysFingers · 16/07/2025 04:29

OMG I wouldn't put up with this!

YANBU

Rewis · 15/07/2025 21:26

If this is new behaviour, talk to him. Tell him that this is ridiculous and even roommates are not this strict. What is going on? At this rate it would be easier to boy everything separate and cook everything separate. Does he want this type of relationship?

If there has been signs. Run. If he cant give proper answers or thinks this is normal. Run.

FinallyHere · 15/07/2025 21:19

if he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi-pack, he will weight that

wait, what?

Do you get a credit if you then do not have the extra packet of crisps ? Thought not.

@Amber991 this is insane. As PP spotted, be glad he had shown you who he is. When he shows you this, believe him. This is who he is. Is this what you want your life to be?

run. Seriously run like the wind and don’t look back. All the best.

CurlewKate · 15/07/2025 20:24

Dump.

gamerchick · 15/07/2025 20:05

I don't think the OP is coming back

BeenThereBackThen · 14/07/2025 23:44

The worst thing is, his behaviour tells you he is not willing to take care of and look after you like a normal loving person would. Number of toilet sheets you used is at the forefront of his mind not the fact that you are ill.

He sounds quite cold and calculated, like you are a factor affecting his balance sheet, not a person to love and share life with.

This would be the death of any feelings if i were you.

BeenThereBackThen · 14/07/2025 23:39

Trully ick inducing

DirtyBird · 14/07/2025 19:39

How do you even manage to have sex with this tight fisted prick? Sorry, I couldn't even look at him without feeling resentful over this. I don't care if he was the "nicest" man in the world, I would run far and fast away from him - I'd rather be single (and have been for over ten years) than deal with someone like this.

AgeingGreycefully · 14/07/2025 18:56

Red flags waving all over the place here! A healthy relationship is a partnership of equals. So you each pay an equal proportion of your net salary towards the outgoings. Whoever earns more will pay more, but the proportion of your net salary will be equal. This is what my husband and I did when we first moved in together and it worked perfectly. You cannot be quibbling over bags of crisps and loo roll. There’s no future for any relationship if you sweat the small stuff! Here endeth the lesson of someone who has been with their other half for nearly 35 years! Good luck.

Wethers121 · 14/07/2025 18:49

Please do not buy a house or have children with this man. I have so many friends financially abused by their husbands when they leave for maternity, go part time to care for their children etc. I am certain he would do this!

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 14/07/2025 17:52

He’s not your partner. Stop kidding yourself. He’s a flatmate that you are having sex with.

You have two options. Either you enjoy having sex with your flatmate and you continue this arrangement but start buying your own individual groceries, etc like flatmates do. Or you want to have a boyfriend, and this man is not your boyfriend so you need to move on and find someone else.

Does he time your showers or count how many times you flush the toilet to divide the water bill? Does he time how long you use your hairdryer? If he doesn’t already do that, that’s the next step. Your choice if you want to live like that or not.

whistlesandbells · 14/07/2025 17:43

How trapped are you with this parasite? Terrible partner. Can you move out?

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 14/07/2025 17:41

Run. Really far and really fast.

Needtodietnow · 14/07/2025 17:37

Hi Jade

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/07/2025 17:31

@Amber991 gtf out! This is batshit
wonder what he will control next .
How much washing powder you use as you have a bra and he doesn’t.

AffableApple · 14/07/2025 17:12

Bananalanacake · 14/07/2025 06:33

Two years is way too soon to move in with someone if they are stingy, can you move out again and date him, taking turns to pay on dates.

Surely you date to figure things out. He's a twat. Job done.

Littleredraincoat · 14/07/2025 16:59

Sal17690 · 14/07/2025 07:43

There's no way I could have sex with someone like this.

and it's a real worry that you needed to ask if this is normal or not.

run for the hills before you have a mortgage and kids!

Yeah cos he'll probably start negotiating over who pays for the condoms.

Tennislives · 14/07/2025 16:49

Move out.
This is your life with a mean ugly man.
This is who he really is.

Zempy · 14/07/2025 16:46

Move back out. As soon as you can.

JudgeJ · 14/07/2025 16:20

AlloaintheMiddle · 13/07/2025 20:11

OMG Toilet paper counting?! How humiliating. 😱
Probably time to reconsider the relationship.

Memories of telling the school caretaker that we needed loo roll in the women's toilet and he said 'I don't know what you women do with it, you go through so much!'. We offered to tell him, as well as saying that we tend not to have stained zip areas in our trousers!