MIL made me feel unwelcome.

I hate it when posters say ‘everyone would be saying x’. No, some people would. Some people would say something completely different. That’s the nature of an online forum, with a variety of opinions.

This thread is funny. If it was the wife staying with his family everyone would be saying and why shouldn’t she stay and have fun if that’s what they agreed 😂 I certainly would tell my husband to stay if I just wanted to go back and be cool, gees and relax.

Stop press! Man wants to stay out drinking and partying leaving his pregnant wife and toddler to drive home alone. And he's shocked and indignant that his wife's family take a dim view of him. OP, whether your wife was cool with it or not, it was very far from a good look. Surely you can get your male ego around that?

If it's a holiday cottage near her family she probably knows the roads better than her husband and if she didn't know the way there's road signs that would have helped.

Still think it's weird that the husband wanted to stay though.

In the moment you asked the question ‘I assume I’m welcome to stay’ do you think that maybe your MIL couod have seen right through you and it confirmed everything she already thought about you which is that her DD does most of the parenting and you are happier to stay and drink rather than help her with your child and keep her company and support her whilst driving for an hour ?
And furthermore, that you have some audacity to disrespect your wife’s hard work openly in front of her nearest and dearest instead of at least trying to show them you are capable of making an effort ?

You feel there was an ‘underlying meaning behind the incident’.
Yes congratulations, I think you might be right, there was indeed a meaning.
What your MIL really wanted to say was … step up and help our struggling daughter and start acting like you are part of a team because none of us here like your lazy ass ways.

You were stupid (or blinded by alcohol) not to read the room and you were confrontational, petulant and rude to have turned it all round to you being their victim. Very transparent.
A real poor show from you OP.

Look op you couldn't put the baby to bed, fine. You could not drink and do the driving so your pregnant wife could sleep in the car though. That's what my husband would have done

So, this car you helpfully packed "for" your wife, who helpfully unpacked it for her at the other end?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting to stay and your wife go home, especially in these circumstances but I do think you might have over reacted to the comment from your MIL.

I think YABU

If I had a young child and was pregnant, I would be expecting that my DP would come home with me to provide some support for the night.

This is probably what your in laws were expecting also.

I get along with my in laws, but at one of my DPs family events, I dont think I would stay alone, if he went home with the kids, for example.

We arrive as a family, and we leave as a family.

Just my opinion.

The fact that it's a man inserting himself on a website specifically for women says it all. Obviously thinks his presence out weighs women's.

Yes, this is my point. Especially when the relationship hasn't even been good in the past.

When I visit my friends with babies, I'm not interested in the babies. I'm interested in whether their partner is looking after them well. I can only judge on the slices of information I have, and this was, from the family's point of view, a shit show.

(My sister's husband is a bit of a prick, so I'm always on the lookout that he's treating his family well, which my sister knows even though I try to be positive.)

MIL's comment sounds a little unusual, but was probably out of surprise that he was staying and cadging a lift without uneven politely asking if that was ok.

I imagine that this relationship has only "improved" since the child has arrived, because children are very diverting and all-consuming and there's no need to have normal conversations, it all revolves around the baby.

But your SIL still wouldn't want you there in your own right (which is fine even if there were no arguments, me and BIL rub along nicely enough but we wouldn't invite each other to stuff independently).

So this BIL, who she's never liked, announces he's staying, presumes a lift is available and is apparently leaving her pregnant sister to sort out their toddler alone in the heat, whilst her beloved sister has to leave the family celebration, then he makes a stink about a slightly off colour hint from her mum.

You really fucked this one. Back to square one with family relations, except now you've included all of them - PILs, SIL and BIL too.

You sound selfish and emotionally out of tune. Of course you should have gone with your wife and child.

I wonder why you wanted to stay- my instinct would always be to go home with my family.
I agree your MIL didn't sound very welcoming, but I think it's more surprising you wanted to stay.
Also inviting yourself to stay and get a lift, without asking anybody is very rude- so I'm not surprised at the reaction you got.

Your MIL felt you should be going home looking after your pregnant tired wife.
She was right. Going home to support your wife was what a good husband would do. It wasn't your family wedding.

The baby is 18 months. And it absolutely does not bring on a miscarriage - the only time it MAY be of concern is if a mother is high risk for preterm birth and then it's just something to discuss with the doctor.

Your DW might genuinely not have minded, but as the responses here show it looks like bizarre behaviour from the outside.

Also, if you hadn't actually asked the people you wanted to get a lift with, and just assumed, that's incredibly rude and no wonder mil looked surprised (and the 'I don't know' may have her because she wasn't the one driving so not up to her?) 5 adults can be quite cramped in a car and it wasn't only a 10 minute drive.

It's totally natural your in laws assumed you'd go with your wife and child and were surprised when you didn't. It's an hour away, needing lifts from other people, not her just nipping upstairs/ next door without you!

You were bang out of order. And rude

Reading your 3 posts it appears that you're the perfect husband, Son-IL and BIL. What's not to like? 🙄

I'm guessing, however, that reality is very different to your perception of yourself

Your hot and tired PREGNANT wife was happy to drive an hour with a small tired child, on her own, put small tired child to bed on her own......?? Whilst you stayed at the gathering getting a bit drunk and having fun?

I'd suggest that SIL and MIL know what your wife really thinks and why she really agrees to do these things with zero help.

But you crack on telling us how superb you are

I too would have judged you for staying behind. If your pregnant DW was hot and had an hour's drive back to a cottage in a holiday location, I'd have expected you to accompany her to make sure she got back safely and helped wherever possible (eg unloading car, carrying toddler inside).

To just assume you could cadge a lift with the in-laws without actually asking them sounds a bit entitled, and would have made the hour's journey in their car cramped with five of you in the vehicle.

Put yourself in your MIL shoes - how does the situation look to her?

You massively overreacted. And should have gone home with your wife - especially as it was her family.

Presuming others will drive you home was rude - you should have checked with them. They could have had their own plans.

I understand that it is your wife wanting to keep the bed schedule, but perhaps you should have gone with her?

Ps your comment to MIL was petty in the extreme. You’ve got some apologising to do - buy MIL some flowers and blame your poor behaviour on the drink.

I love my son-In-law but would be stunned if he didn’t go home with his pregnant wife and child.
It’s bizarre - why on earth would you not go with her?

If you were my SIL I’d think “why are you not helping DD”. Even if you can’t put the little one to bed, you can unpack the car, carry the little one in, get their bed ready etc, spare your pregnant wife some physical labour.

I’d think badly of you tbh. My own husband wouldn’t have behaved so selfishly. If he were your FIL he would have asked you what you thought you were doing and ordered you into the car with DD. You are lucky you just got a look.