To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

Is she going to be safe if she’s staying over? Is he going to start going through her stuff or spying on them?

Gosh sorry OP but indeed something seems really off with this.

Charming! 🤣👎😇😈😉

Incorrect: the racist twat is all three!

This is totally unhinged. Your DH is definitely masking something - previous knowledge of the girl and her Mum or a mental crisis. Or he’s developed a deep, intense crush on her himself and he’s trying to deflect

Or could he be a downright snob, by researching her background and what type of school she went to???

i personally think the mixed race element is a red herring. No sane person researches that about a person.

I think it’s more helpful if people start to realise why they assume things and question their assumptions. A lot of our racism is due to schemas that we are taught from a young age. They aren’t necessarily based on malice, the bigger issue is people get defensive when these things are brought to their attention.

How awful OP.
He sounds both unhinged and sinister.
I think you do need to tell your son what is going on.

😬

🤣

Could she be his?

My nephews Dad (no contact with my nephew) had lots of children and I always worried about what would happen if my nephew ended up dating one of his half-siblings without knowing. I always thought it would be the Dad that would need to come clean as he’d be the only one that would really know.

Pretty sure he's had sex with her mother at some point, or he has seen her on a porn or prostitute site, maybe she's an Only Fans prostitute? There's no other reasonable explanation for this that I can think of, he hasn't lost the plot and is perfectly normal except around this one topic.

if it was racism or control he'd have gone off immediately or much, much sooner. He didn't. He's hiding something else.

I commented early on that he possibly recognised her from an only fans or something because
a) it’s op husband and she’s finding this behaviour extremely unusual
b) I didn’t know she was mixed race at that point (I’m not white) so I agree it could totally be racism or unconscious bias

i think OP is a tremendous mum and I’m so sorry @LittleMarmiteQueenthat you’re going through this.
all possible reasons
a) creepiness
b)racism
c) control
are deeply unsettling and worrying and do not bode well for your marriage and or family dynamics. I’m hoping beyond hope your husband will come clean and be honest with you and seek forgiveness and counselling before this gets to anyone else’s ears including your son and the gf.
x

I don't know why so many posters are leaping to the conclusion that this girl must have been involved in some kind of sex work. Far more likely to be about racism. As the mother of a mixed race girl, I can't overstate how much people assume that this means an extended family full of gangsters and drug pushers.

The OP's husband likely doesn't consider himself racist, but the thought of having one in the family is giving him an uncomfortable 'gut feeling' that of course he can't explain.

FIL from Hell. Jesus. Good luck.

Blimey, your DH really has lost the plot.

I think you need to tell your DS what is going on here. You want him to know for sure that you have his back, not worry that that you might be complicit with DH because you continued to keep this from him for any length of time. He needs to know, maybe because he might need to protect his girlfriend by keeping his creepy father well away from her.

Your DH might or might not be racially motivated here (probably is) but it is weird and creepy as fuck. I think it is good that you appear determined to stand up to him for this utter twattery. It's both offensive and intrusive.

The suggestion of The PI is the most telling comment. It what prompted you to post in the first place.
it is either paranoia/ anxiety with your son’s relationship becoming serious or knowing something and wanting it confirmed.
Generally I wouldn’t think it is the first suggestion someone would make if they are hiding something.A PI if it was possible would investigate why you wanted this information

It much more likely to be anxiety over the relationship becoming serious and why that is detrimental to your son in his opinion

He must have found something out about her but doesn't want to divulge it to you.

He obviously doesn’t want them to have sex, whose idea was it to keep the bedroom door open, they should have privacy at 17

Thanks for your comment, we are all doing the best we can to help him. The college they were attending has been very helpful and actually contacted the police as soon as they were aware. The girl is going on to uni in September, her victim though is not, as most of the funds saved for many years for accomodation have disappeared. He's concentrating now on his favorite sport and hopes to do something with that. I wasn't suggesting for a moment that parents should investigate their children's girl/boy friends, but be aware, and don't take anyone at face value - no matter how angelic they look.

I wouldn’t let this poor girl stay over for her own safety.

I said this a while back and no one else has agreed or thinks the same - but is there any possibility he had an affair a while back and he’s freaking out because he thinks she may be related to him? And therefore your son??

His behaviour just seems to extreme for someone who’s never done anything like this before.

@LittleMarmiteQueen Are you going to fill in the blanks??

Please feel free to report any posts that you assume are racist.

This is turning into the new "cancel the cheque" 😄

Maybe he’s worried the GF might be his secret love child?