To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

I was thinking this too! it wouldn't be the first time ive heard of situations like this happening.
Read a story in a magazine once where a man in his 30s had started a relationship with a much younger woman in her late teens, they'd been together for months before being invited to meet her family. Had the shock of his life when he met her mother and realised he'd had a brief sexual relationship with her many years before and had no idea he'd got her pregnant. His girlfriend turned out to be his daughter and both of them had had no idea. Can you imagine the shock.

This made me laugh.
maybe its true though 🤔

Is there a schedule for when you’re allowed to sleep with someone?

They have only been seeing each other a few weeks and she's spending the night already?

If DH can't tell you why, besides saying 'something's off', then it would be horrible to go and hire a PI.
If DH doesn't want to say what happened, then he has to learn to share with you, his life partner!

Either way, I'd only go through with this in extreme cases with founded suspicion!

My apologies. I know that it wasn't you who called me a racist, it was the pp who initially highlighted my post.
PP said I was a racist like OP's DH.
I'm sorry that I wasn't clear in my reply highlighting your response.
I was upset about it because I truly battle against racism whenever I see it and I genuinely wasn't connecting race to class as that would be extremely stupid.
There is rich and poor across the whole of society.
I'll shut up now. 🩷

Thank you for proving my point regarding people becoming defensive. I never said you were racist just that the assumption you made was based on a racist schema.

If my husband was police or social services I might listen but @LittleMarmiteQueen has not indicated that

I've met a few overprotective parents but this is far and away the most bonkers idea I've heard from any of them. Save him from himself! The only possible way it makes sense is if he secretly knows there's dirt already but doesn't want to say how.

The angle that he knows the family from nefarious dealings in the past is intriguing, and the PI suggestion is completely nuts, but just from my own experience (and echoing some PPs)...

My BIL's first serious girlfriend was stunning, tall, and mixed race. My FIL absolutely could NOT handle his teenage son having a sexual relationship with her, under his roof, at a time when he was having a bit of a crisis about being older (which also manifested in an affair, he isn't a good guy). It didn't quite get to this levels of paranoia but FIL was very disruptive and angry about the relationship, it was all very, very weird – and quite obviously a combination of jealously (I think men sometimes find the idea of their sons being more virile, sexually active and attractive than them challenging) and racism. They didn't stay together for that long, but the jokes on FIL now as he ended up with five mixed-race grandchildren.

This 💯

I think this is nothing to do with the girl but actually all about your husband and whatever secret he's trying to hide

Or just a racist bigot!

This!! If someone did
this to my daughter I’d be telling her to dump him and that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and she doesn’t want to date such a paranoid delusional family!

If I was your son and found out your husband was doing this I’d move out and never ever bring a girl to meet you again even one I was marrying and having kids with!

Pretty grim that a child is being considered through the lens of sex work. The focus should be wholly on OP's husband. The fact that he has embarked on a solo, secretive trawl through this child's life, without discussing it with OP, or asking what she thinks about doing some background research based on genuine, shared concerns is, at the very least, peculiar.

Dh and I randomly chatting last night and I asked his opinion on this and he said if he had to guess, DH has an OF acc, has realised he knows her from it and that’s why he’s doing the whole PI thing because how else can he uncover her secret without exposing himself.

It really does sound like racism.

This is all levels of bonkers.

he’s the one who needs the pi on him, why do t you suggest that?

Possibly the girls mum?!

I reckon it's projection. This is how he handles his inappropriate attraction to his son's girlfriend. He blames her.

I explained twice, how I made the errors and it was nothing to do with race.

It wasn't racist to assume that she was working class, you can believe what you like.

There is nothing wrong with being WC or mixed race.

Firing the accusation at me being racist was wrong in this case. I'm working class as are my family and friends.

I'm floored people suggesting she could be is a prostitute or porn actress, or her mother was having affairs with married men but suggesting she is working class is racist?? I'd rather be accused of being working class rather than an OF prostitute.

I was thinking this too. I think he knows her mum and eother there was some bullying one way or another or he thinks he could be her father.

I think it's your DH who needs the help- it sounds as if he's finding his life a little dull and some paranoia will spice it up, get him some therapy, and cancel Netflix!

Sounds like a bit of snobbery. Does he think she’s “beneath” you and hangs out with drug dealers or something?

@LittleMarmiteQueen how is he behaving aside from this? If its mental health related it will be more evident as he'll be consumed with it (paranoia etc) but If he is being logical, acting normally and calm 90% of the time and about other things it is unlikely as you cannot shut those thoughts on and off at will. If he's talking about this non stop (the midnight thing was a red flag) it could well be a mental health crisis. Either that or he's very very worried about something I.e past interactions with her or her mum