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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

489 replies

LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 19:05

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

OP posts:
ShallinloveDelight · 13/07/2025 20:38

He's either a moron or a liar, you're probably best to judge which.

Stopbitingyourhands · 13/07/2025 20:38

Genuinely, if he won't back down I would be backing as far away from your husband as possible before he becomes the talk of the town, plastered over newspapers and you the wife that 'must have known'.

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 20:35

Is she just well out of you son's League so she must be dodgy?😂

Starlight7080 · 13/07/2025 20:34

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 19:42

Given the update, DH sounds racist.

This 100 % definitely him being narrow minded judgemental and racist

Probably hoping he can warm his son off her

MyDeftDuck · 13/07/2025 20:34

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 19:09

A private investigator? For a 17 year old? That’s insane.

This
And stand by for the pre-nup 🤪🤪

Original poster
LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 20:33

Honestly I don’t even know what to say anymore. This has gone from me thinking DH was just being a bit OTT to full-on questioning if I’m living with an actual lunatic.

I’ve just sat him down and tried to get him to actually explain why he feels so strongly about this. And you lot are right - he still couldn’t give me anything concrete. Just kept saying things like “something’s not right” and “I’ve got a gut feeling”. I pushed and asked if it was about her race or background and he got all defensive and accused me of turning it into something it’s not. But still gave no reason. Just more vague vibes.

I even said, “Are you sure this isn’t something to do with you recognising her from somewhere?” and he properly flipped. Said I was being disgusting and that I was trying to twist things. Wouldn’t even entertain the idea.

So… yeah. I’m really not ok with this. It does feel racist or obsessive or something equally disturbing, and I can’t believe I’m saying this about my own husband. The thought that he might actually go ahead and try to hire someone to follow this poor girl makes me feel sick.

I told him flat out, if he contacts anyone I will tell DS and I’ll be the one calling her parents myself. I also said he needs to either tell me what this is really about or go talk to someone professionally, because this isn’t normal.

DS is still in the dark for now but I honestly don’t know how long I can sit on this. DH has completely lost perspective and it’s like trying to reason with someone who’s halfway through writing a conspiracy blog.

Thank you all so much for your comments - I think I needed the full chorus of “this is bonkers” to really hit home that this isn’t just a bad parenting moment. It’s something bigger and possibly darker. I’m honestly a bit scared of where this goes next.

OP posts:
abracadabra1980 · 13/07/2025 20:32

Is he smoking too much weed?

Cheeseplantandcrackers · 13/07/2025 20:30

I wouldn’t be letting her come over at all when your Dh is there to protect her from him.

Tiswa · 13/07/2025 20:27

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 19:42

Given the update, DH sounds racist.

Yep totally racist and paranoid - is his online stuff alt right

Beachtastic · 13/07/2025 20:26

Has he been listening to The Archers? Amber Gordon's character might have put the willies up him, so to speak.

Hellovation · 13/07/2025 20:25

First thoughts of probability

  • he’s realised he knows her from somewhere and HE is hiding something he doesn’t want exposed
  • he’s secretly racist
  • he’s turned full conspiracy theorist/is tipping into mentally unwell after too much internet exposure.

either way nothing about this feels good and it’s got, likely, nothing to actually do with her.

141mum · 13/07/2025 20:25

Maybe it’s his love child ????

itsgettingweird · 13/07/2025 20:25

That’s crazy.

He should be talking to him about consent and contraception and making sure he keeps him safe in an appropriate manner.

TherapyFrog · 13/07/2025 20:23

Hmmm, this is bizarre and you must be worried. As above:
porn
attraction
racist
mental health decline/psychosis symptoms
knows her somehow?

Aposterhasnoname · 13/07/2025 20:23

FrenchandSaunders · 13/07/2025 19:07

He’s spotted her on his onlyfans account …

I think this poster has it.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 13/07/2025 20:23

What the actual fuck, he is absurd.

If I were you I'd be seriously worried about him.

MyMahoosivePenis · 13/07/2025 20:22

Is it legal for an adult to stalk a teenager?

pppaper · 13/07/2025 20:21

He fancies her so this is a way to spy on her legitimately.

Mctm · 13/07/2025 20:19

He sounds like he could be unwell? Schizophrenia perhaps?

Dontbeme · 13/07/2025 20:19

For everyone saying he viewed her content on only fans, as she's 17 is that not child sexual abuse images OP's husband would be accessing?

So best case scenario is he's a racist 🤷

Annalouisa · 13/07/2025 20:18

On one hand, the OP says, "they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc".

On the other hand, OP has only met her twice. Can it be both? Who's enforcing the open-door-rule if the OP and her DH aren't around when the GF is visiting a lot of times...?

And now the 17-year old who accepts the open-door-rule is asking for his GF to stay over. Will the door to his bedroom stay open over night? Or will she be staying in a different room from DS, possibly with the door locked?

Someone ought to get a PI to look into this contradictory story...

Tulipvase · 13/07/2025 20:17

SunsetCocktails · 13/07/2025 19:48

As if a PI would investigate a child….

i Came to say this. But not really the issue I guess.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/07/2025 20:14

🤔PI

Brendahollowayreconsider · 13/07/2025 20:12

bumblecoach · 13/07/2025 19:18

he probably fancies her

Or possibly his daughter from a ons.

2024onwardsandup · 13/07/2025 20:11

He’s even her in porn. Awful for her. Grim of him.