To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

Hmm...seen her in skimpy outfits on Instagram and now he's having impure thoughts?

Or yes something related to her ethnicity so he's othering her, or fetishising, or worried about how he'll fit in with her family.

If he was concerned she was being controlling or coercive or your son was neglecting his studies or friends,bunking off work and acting out of character or saddle had lots of extensive new things he couldn't account for or thing gone missing, your husband might have cause to say he was getting vibes. But a PI wouldn't uncover most of that. If he'd seen her with another lad, or seen something in the paper or social media about her or her family surely he'd just say?

Sorry OP, it's just next level nuts and not at all OK. I'm usually one to say trust your gut but he's taking it too far. I don't know how you can easily gave her round now without it being awkward for you but I really hope he snaps out of it soon and wonders WTF he was thinking.

I'd say that if he does this, you'll be booking a PI to forensically investigate him. That'll stop him in his tracks.

Telling your son isn't a good move right now as it will break their relationship. It may need to happen later but fight back first.

He's a weirdo and no mistake.

Exactly what I thought.

Any chance she's his daughter? I know that sounds incredibly unlikely but I personally know of one situation where exactly that happened. The girls mother came clean when she met the boy but the boys father (who knew earlier) said nothing.

How long have you been together? Could she be his daughter?

This is actually quite disturbing and I'm not sure the girl is safe to be around your dh, he sounds absolutely mental.

This is absolutely bonkers.

Translation - I’m attracted to her and I need to find some dirt to prevent her from coming to stay.

It's basic racism.

I'd be telling him to get over himself or leave, OP.

Could he be worried that he is her father?

Do you think he might have seen her, or someone who looks like her on OnlyFans or some such?

I am wondering if she is his daughter from an illicit relationship.

Yes, next level mad.
I get a bad vibe about your DH.

Can you check his history online?

It might show where he might know her from if it is that. Secondly, and more concerning to me, it might show if he is searching things that are indicative of him having a psychotic episode. I’m not saying it is, but when I have psychosis I get really obsessive about certain people, think they are a danger etc.

"I even said, “Are you sure this isn’t something to do with you recognising her from somewhere?” and he properly flipped. Said I was being disgusting and that I was trying to twist things. Wouldn’t even entertain the idea."

Ah, well there's your answer....

My first thought too. He's seen her somewhere he shouldn't but can't tell anybody, so needs to hire somebody else to "discover" her secret and spill the beans...

None of these options are good news for the OP, but I agree.

My guess that this is a little bit of racial prejudice (he may not even be able to put his finger on it being that, this is why racism is so insidious) and a little bit he’s gone down some misogynistic incel rabbit hole online about women being out to scam men. I bet he’s worried she has falsely accused another boy of rape or assault or is involved in some scheming online about how to trap a man in something nefarious. And yes, he sounds bonkers. I bet his internet search history would be enlightening.

All that being said, a PI is not going to stalk a girl under 18 on behalf of some creepy obsessive adult man.

OK so 3 options:

1. He thinks he recognises her from some only fans site/escort service he has used/other
2. He is racist.
3. He's going mad.

Of course I’m supposed to say your DH is a psycho, but then I’m also a nosey cow and want the PI to investigate just so you can come back OP and tell us all that she’s got OnlyFans and your DH is subscribed to it! (Or whatever other salacious reason your DH has for being so suspicious of this girl)

This (or similar)

I once went out with a boy whose family home had a ha-ha. I was from deepest, darkest South London. They were fine with <ahem> mixing, but not with mixing-mixing IYSWIM.

Are you billionaires?

He is a racist I reckon , I had a long relationship with a guy who was black and some of the things that white people would come out with really shocked me at first. He was used to it as sadly that sort of crap is what black people have to contend with all their lives. Here is one example that I will always remember that happened when we were in a club. A white man came up to us and said "Hey, I am not being rasict or anything, but have you got any drugs, you guys always have drugs on you" . There are plenty more that spring to mind but this one stands out as it has the classic preface of " I am not being racist..." I thing OP's husband has seen a non white person and his "gut feeling" is actually his racisim

This is intriguing. I don’t think it’s anything to do with race because what will a PI uncover about her , her race is already visible in her skin tone. I’m thinking what an OP said about her socials that DH has found out but don’t want to let on . Otherwise maybe he’s suffering from Paranoia which is grim.