Page 10 | To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

LittleMarmiteQueen · 2025-07-13T18:05:29+00:00

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc) DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄 He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting. I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately. FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear. AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/07/2025 10:34

I bet he thinks she is after his middle class wealth and his home in a leafy area, probably plotting to murder him with her mixed raced family. 🙄
IMO lower income children show resilience, exceptionally thrive for a successful career once they hit university.
Some judgemental people are fucking horrible. your DH

Yeahno · 14/07/2025 10:31

Its her or her mother. He hasn't said anything racist yet. He is trying to use any excuse to get your son away from her. I'd be inviting mum to a barbecue.

Piggywinks · 14/07/2025 10:31

Goodness your dh sound’s worryingly unhinged.
I am pleased you are putting your foot down on this with him. To be honest I would be looking at him in a whole new light.

I also am hoping that no decent private investigator would take on a case like this especially with someone under the age of 18!

caringcarer · 14/07/2025 10:30

aodirjjd · 13/07/2025 19:14

Oh no. I bet that’s it. He’s seen an onlyfans account or heard something really unsavoury about her but can’t tell you because then he’d have to confess how he knows, so he’s pretending to hire a PI so the PI can “find out” for him. I really hope that’s wrong given how young she is.

its either that or he’s had a bit of a mental break tbh.

Show quote history

This could be an explanation everything else points to your DH having a mental health issue.

Tidekiln · 14/07/2025 10:30

And what is his concern about these certain types of people? Drugs? Trafficking? What is the actual problem that he thinks he has uncovered or has a gut feeling about.

Doyouknowdanieltiger · 14/07/2025 10:28

Haven't read the full thread but I'm going to say it...

Has he had sex with her? Fancies her?

ARichtGoodDram · 14/07/2025 10:27

LittleMarmiteQueen · 14/07/2025 10:22

Morning all - thought I’d come back with a quick (ish) update. Thank you again to everyone who commented yesterday. It was overwhelming in the best way and really helped me feel less like I was being gaslit in my own house.

So. Last night didn’t end well. After I posted, DH basically sulked around all evening. Wouldn’t talk properly but kept making passive-aggressive comments like “I see you’ve made up your mind about me” and “guess I’m not allowed to trust my instincts anymore.” I didn’t rise to it.

Then around midnight - yes, midnight - he came into the bedroom and said he’d “done some digging” (his words) and found the girl’s mum on Facebook. Apparently he’d looked through her profile, gone through likes, friends, tagged pics, and somehow ended up looking at what school she went to. He said something about “certain types of people” all knowing each other. That was the moment I lost it.

I told him flat out that this was beyond weird and that if he made one more move to track this girl or anyone around her, I would not only tell DS but her parents as well. I also told him I’d start looking at legal advice if it came to that. He tried to act all hurt and “how dare you think I’d do something inappropriate” but honestly, it’s like talking to a completely different person.

This morning he’s pretending everything is fine and offering me tea like nothing happened. No apology. No acknowledgement of how invasive and borderline sinister this is. Just back to normal as if he didn’t spend half the night stalking a teenager’s family on social media.

DS has no idea still but I don’t know how long that’ll last. And honestly? I’m starting to wonder what else DH is capable of. Never thought I’d be in this situation over a teenage relationship but here we are.

Will update again if (when?) this blows up. For now I’m just keeping notes, and keeping calm. But I’m done playing along with this “concerned dad” act. It’s not concern - it’s control. And it’s not going to fly.

You need to ask him outright what he means by "certain types".

At this point I'd be telling him outright that his attempts at being coy over what is causing his gut instincts about "certain types" were simply making him sound like an outright racist and unless he could explain otherwise that would be my working assumption.

Rosesonroses · 14/07/2025 10:26

I think he knows her mum OP. Even if he did some digging on FB how could he glean that much info? Sounds like he’s trying to find an excuse for finding out stuff he already knows. I would call his bluff and ask him to show me his profile and spell out BLUNTLY exactly what his issue is.

KateMiskin · 14/07/2025 10:26

Racist. He is surprised that mixed race people probably have mixed race friends.. shock, horror.

Blessthismess2 · 14/07/2025 10:23

LittleMarmiteQueen · 14/07/2025 10:22

Morning all - thought I’d come back with a quick (ish) update. Thank you again to everyone who commented yesterday. It was overwhelming in the best way and really helped me feel less like I was being gaslit in my own house.

So. Last night didn’t end well. After I posted, DH basically sulked around all evening. Wouldn’t talk properly but kept making passive-aggressive comments like “I see you’ve made up your mind about me” and “guess I’m not allowed to trust my instincts anymore.” I didn’t rise to it.

Then around midnight - yes, midnight - he came into the bedroom and said he’d “done some digging” (his words) and found the girl’s mum on Facebook. Apparently he’d looked through her profile, gone through likes, friends, tagged pics, and somehow ended up looking at what school she went to. He said something about “certain types of people” all knowing each other. That was the moment I lost it.

I told him flat out that this was beyond weird and that if he made one more move to track this girl or anyone around her, I would not only tell DS but her parents as well. I also told him I’d start looking at legal advice if it came to that. He tried to act all hurt and “how dare you think I’d do something inappropriate” but honestly, it’s like talking to a completely different person.

This morning he’s pretending everything is fine and offering me tea like nothing happened. No apology. No acknowledgement of how invasive and borderline sinister this is. Just back to normal as if he didn’t spend half the night stalking a teenager’s family on social media.

DS has no idea still but I don’t know how long that’ll last. And honestly? I’m starting to wonder what else DH is capable of. Never thought I’d be in this situation over a teenage relationship but here we are.

Will update again if (when?) this blows up. For now I’m just keeping notes, and keeping calm. But I’m done playing along with this “concerned dad” act. It’s not concern - it’s control. And it’s not going to fly.

What do you think he meant by "certain types of people". Is it a class thing you mean?

Original poster

LittleMarmiteQueen · 14/07/2025 10:22

Morning all - thought I’d come back with a quick (ish) update. Thank you again to everyone who commented yesterday. It was overwhelming in the best way and really helped me feel less like I was being gaslit in my own house.

So. Last night didn’t end well. After I posted, DH basically sulked around all evening. Wouldn’t talk properly but kept making passive-aggressive comments like “I see you’ve made up your mind about me” and “guess I’m not allowed to trust my instincts anymore.” I didn’t rise to it.

Then around midnight - yes, midnight - he came into the bedroom and said he’d “done some digging” (his words) and found the girl’s mum on Facebook. Apparently he’d looked through her profile, gone through likes, friends, tagged pics, and somehow ended up looking at what school she went to. He said something about “certain types of people” all knowing each other. That was the moment I lost it.

I told him flat out that this was beyond weird and that if he made one more move to track this girl or anyone around her, I would not only tell DS but her parents as well. I also told him I’d start looking at legal advice if it came to that. He tried to act all hurt and “how dare you think I’d do something inappropriate” but honestly, it’s like talking to a completely different person.

This morning he’s pretending everything is fine and offering me tea like nothing happened. No apology. No acknowledgement of how invasive and borderline sinister this is. Just back to normal as if he didn’t spend half the night stalking a teenager’s family on social media.

DS has no idea still but I don’t know how long that’ll last. And honestly? I’m starting to wonder what else DH is capable of. Never thought I’d be in this situation over a teenage relationship but here we are.

Will update again if (when?) this blows up. For now I’m just keeping notes, and keeping calm. But I’m done playing along with this “concerned dad” act. It’s not concern - it’s control. And it’s not going to fly.

OP posts:

TwinklyNight · 14/07/2025 10:19

Would an investigator be able to spy on a minor?

BlueandPinkSwan · 14/07/2025 10:13

Don't know about the gf 'being off' but there is something def off about h.
I think he's fallen down a rabbit hole, got in too deep and now believes this nonsense. Or doesn't want to admit it all sounds stupid and is trying to cover for himself.
I would be telling my s if h went ahead with this stupid idea and also the gf's parents. He sounds insane, I would be wary around him too.

Ecstaticmotion · 14/07/2025 10:08

Can you look at your husband’s internet search history in the couple of days before he first raised it and see if there’s anything concrete there which may explain it?

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 10:04

Digdongdoo · 14/07/2025 10:00

It's definitely a possibility though, even if in combination with other factors. Few things make men angrier then fancying someone they are "supposed" to hate...

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Oh, yes. I definitely agree with you. I was thinking in that direction myself until OP posted about his reaction to her asking if he recognised her,

getsomehelp · 14/07/2025 10:02

I don’t as going to say, Maybe its because he has a fetish for nubile colored girls… but he wouldnt need a PI.

Digdongdoo · 14/07/2025 10:00

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 09:48

I haven't worded it well. To clarify, I'm referring to the theory being suggested here, in this scenario, that the husband's reaction is because he is racist.

Show quote history

It's definitely a possibility though, even if in combination with other factors. Few things make men angrier then fancying someone they are "supposed" to hate...

LBFseBrom · 14/07/2025 10:00

We don't know that the op's husband is racist, let's give him the benefit of the doubt on that one until proved otherwise.

It is weird but as long as son and girlfriend don't know she is being investigated, it won't hurt them.

Let's hope he calms down and doesn't make a habit of doing this with, let's face it, very young people, still in education.

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 09:48

Digdongdoo · 14/07/2025 09:37

Yeah, that's the problem with racism.....

Show quote history

I haven't worded it well. To clarify, I'm referring to the theory being suggested here, in this scenario, that the husband's reaction is because he is racist.

DrowningInSyrup · 14/07/2025 09:44

Crazy and creepy

Amiunemployable · 14/07/2025 09:44

This is like the start of a blood novel.

It'll end up with a missing person and a murder!

We'll have OP churning over theories

Secret love child

Only fans

Lunatic DH with lots of secrets

Blimey, OP.

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 09:43

NeedToChangeName · 14/07/2025 07:50

FYI "mixed race" isn't the preferred term nowadays. "Dual heritage" is better

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And today's 'preferred term nowadays' will inevitably become the outdated or socially unacceptable term of yesteryear. Some of us have decided to no longer play the game.

Drowninginconfusion · 14/07/2025 09:38

FrenchandSaunders · 13/07/2025 19:07

He’s spotted her on his onlyfans account …

Omg it’s something like this isn’t it? Got to be but he can’t admit it so he needs to ‘find out’ in a way that’s not his fault.

Either that or he’s mental.

Digdongdoo · 14/07/2025 09:37

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 09:36

The problem with racism is, because it's everywhere, people see it even where it isn't.

Yeah, that's the problem with racism.....

yellowdress34 · 14/07/2025 09:36

The problem with racism is, because it's everywhere, people see it even where it isn't.