Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

489 replies

LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 19:05

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Healdgreen · 02/08/2025 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BrickBiscuit · 02/08/2025 15:50

FleshLiabilities · 02/08/2025 14:04

@LittleMarmiteQueen Did you ever resolve this? Or is your husband sectioned?

They rarely come back.

FleshLiabilities · 02/08/2025 14:04

@LittleMarmiteQueen Did you ever resolve this? Or is your husband sectioned?

okydokethen · 01/08/2025 20:53

Surely he knows something you don’t

Benefitbettyquestion · 01/08/2025 20:46

I'm curious what the outcome was

TherapyFrog · 22/07/2025 21:42

Wow …I have just come back to this thread and this must be absolutely awful living through this and trying to get some answers @LittleMarmiteQueen
The updates do indicate racism, or perhaps knowing her family. I hope he is able to be clearer with you soon so you can all figure this out and settle things before your son or his gf becomes aware

Tearsinheavens · 19/07/2025 11:42

@LittleMarmiteQueen please do update us if you can!

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 16/07/2025 16:04

This is such a weird one, I’ve been racking my brains for days now to try and understand what your H could be up to. Please keep us updated? I couldn’t let this lie if it were me! Hope you’re you’re okay OP

ThankULord · 16/07/2025 01:49

My first thoughts were:-

  • He fancies her
  • He tried it on with her
  • He suspects he is her father

With your second update:

  • He really really fancies her
  • He suspects he is her father
  • ??????????????racist, hmmmm, not sure

Your last update:

  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - he is her father
  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - did he have a thing with her, did he treat her badly, did they do silly things together, did he do silly things with friends of hers/family member(s) of hers
  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - does she have a secret on him
  • He tried it on with DS's GF
  • ???Onlyfans ( & he is just using the Facebook thing as an excuse)
DoggingDave · 15/07/2025 23:15

LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 19:40

To answer a few qs: no trauma that I know of, nothing in DH’s past that would make this make sense. He’s not usually like this, bit overprotective at times maybe but never this far off the rails. And yes, I do think he’s been spending too much time online lately, especially down some true crime rabbit holes.

Nothing about the girl seems dodgy to me. We don’t know her in depth but she’s not exactly giving off scammer/spy/serial killer vibes. DS met her at a party via mutuals, normal enough stuff. She’s still at sixth form. I did ask if DH had seen something online about her and he got all cagey and just said “I can’t put my finger on it” which is about as useful as a chocolate teapot tbh.

I do worry there’s something else going on, whether he fancies her (grim but not impossible, someone said it and I can’t unthink it now) or if there’s something buried like unconscious bias about her background. She’s mixed race and we are very white middle class suburbia, so maybe something’s been triggered and he can’t admit it even to himself? I don’t want to believe that but…

And yes, noted! Not “we”. He wants to hire a PI. I told him flat out I wouldn’t be a part of it but he thinks I’m being naive.

Honestly I’m tempted to warn DS before DH does something unforgivable. But I also don’t want to blow it all up unless I have to. What a mess.

Sounds like he needs to chill out something isn't right I'd say he has some sort of dodgy connection to somone she knows or somone he knows does.

Alltheyellowbirds · 15/07/2025 23:00

@LittleMarmiteQueen Hope you’re ok tonight, and that things haven’t escalated.

dogsflying · 15/07/2025 21:50

Wow wtf

almay8830 · 15/07/2025 21:23

FrenchandSaunders · 13/07/2025 19:07

He’s spotted her on his onlyfans account …

Yep

upandleftthenright · 15/07/2025 20:59

Just bizarre

ThePoshUns · 15/07/2025 20:43

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 15/07/2025 19:19

this potentially interesting thread is becoming almost unreadable with the unending stream of pps delivering the same ‘bold’ idea as if it’s brand new

Oh did someone call the thread police?

LilacPony · 15/07/2025 20:12

@LittleMarmiteQueen are you ok? this all seems very overwhelming

LunchtimeNaps · 15/07/2025 20:08

No word of a lie this happened to a friend. Best friend met a boy when they were teenagers and fancied the pants off him. Was telling her parents about him. Long story short he was the love child from her dads affair.

I think he knows something but cannot say how or why/what and is trying to find a way of getting the info out in the open without harming himself.

BeetledBrow · 15/07/2025 20:04

Sounds reasonable, @zaxxon …

zaxxon · 15/07/2025 19:50

Jc2001 · 15/07/2025 19:32

OK. Just to sum up. He's a racist who shagged the mother 18 years ago and is concerned that this might be his love child, who also has her own Only Fans channel.

Don't be ridiculous – that's so far-fetched! It's obvious what the real story is.

He's clearly an immortal being, Highlander-style, and recognises the GF as an incarnation of his arch-nemesis, who has shaken off her transdimensional prison shackles and tracked him to Earth in order to disrupt his comfortable incognito human life by alpha-brainwashing his son ... through her OnlyFans account.

Motherland2624 · 15/07/2025 19:39

Do you think he is her secret father
and your son is her half brother that’s why he is so panicky

Jc2001 · 15/07/2025 19:32

OK. Just to sum up. He's a racist who shagged the mother 18 years ago and is concerned that this might be his love child, who also has her own Only Fans channel.

KateMiskin · 15/07/2025 19:21

Yes, I need an update on why he's so nuts.

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 15/07/2025 19:19

this potentially interesting thread is becoming almost unreadable with the unending stream of pps delivering the same ‘bold’ idea as if it’s brand new

whiteorchids44 · 15/07/2025 18:26

Sorry to hear you are in this predicament OP.

Maybe you can casually invite DS's GF and her mum to lunch with your family. Then you can observe how your DH is.

PerthesMum87 · 15/07/2025 18:13

Trying to think of motive here…

is it possible he knows the mother of the girl…