Dd(10) uninvited from party

I hope your daughter has a lovely leavers pool party

anyway the original party is still going ahead: its not harming the girl who un-invited dd. She's getting what she wants.

I'd normally agree but ... "you know what girls that age are like" is the winning phrase for op here!

This!!

We are only getting one side of the story about this girl being 'mean'. It seems to happen all the time with girls falling out and calling eachother names then being mates again a week later.

@freddiewini you still haven't said whether there is an official school leavers event which everyone is invited to.
There are some still missing the fact that 'mean girl' isn't hosting a party for everyone and that not all the class were invited anyway. People seem to be making a big thing about this leavers party but it's simply another mum that has offered to host some of her daughter's friends.

She wouldn't need a last minute party if she hadn't been disinvited to the one she was invited to. Why should she miss out on celebrating with all her friends at the end of school because some nasty little bully and her mother think it's OK to exclude her? The amount door mats on here that think it's fine to just let people Walk all over you.

No wonder there's so many threads of women being treated like shit by their partners /mother in Laws/ Sisters and Co Workers is because they've been indoctrinated to turn the other cheek and take the high ground from being children.

I wouldn't invite the bully.

I mean she wouldn't want to go to the party of a girl she doesn't like would she?

I really don't think you can invite someone to a party, who has been bullying you. It would be miserable.

Objectively, it's not a party to exclude the other girl, it's a party so that DD can celebrate end of year, having been cruelly dumped from the one that is already happening. If you're going to have a party, might as well make sure it's a good one.

Why would anyone pander to a bully? I wouldn't want one within 50ft of my daughter.

Am I the only one concerned about an 8 year old being so into boys that she uninvited a girl to her birthday because of a boy?!

Go for it OP, enjoy your party and putting your DD first, she’s done nothing wrong and there’s also nothing wrong with you wanting end of year party for her friends.

I'd have my own party. Mum is in the wrong for reinforcing her daughter's behaviour.

I completely disagree with the points you're making.

But what's actually wrong with being mean?

It's such a childish insult.

You are so mean.

And usually directed at girls.

But that's EXACTLY what you want to be! You WANT to be mean! You WANT revenge, on behalf of your daughter. You want a bigger, better party. To show this girl what? That you can outdo her on the party stakes? That you've got a 'bigger pool anyway so ner ner ner!' Showing someone you're being friendly DESPITE what they're doing to you, throws them completely! They can't handle it! And to all the world watching, YOU are being perfectly lovely, so there's absolutely no comeback!

I agree with you about most things generally, but in this case I do not.

Dd does not need to prove to anyone that she is a ‘nice’ person, she already is. Teaching her to be nice to school bullies will be viewed as weakness by certain types of people, and she could very well ruin DD’s party, because she can, after all no one seems to be able to stop her currently from behaving poorly.

No child should be so rude and jealous, and remain unchallenged. The other girl is being let down by her parents, who should be raising her to follow through with her guest list in full, and not to disinvite others.

Her parents should also encourage some exploration of her jealousy towards her peers, maybe her self esteem needs some attention, her confidence and sense of self developed. Given she is only ten years old I would also be questioning the need for a boyfriend and where that idea is coming from.

What is needed here are boundaries around what dd is willing to tolerate and a problem solving approach. Good life lessons are available in this situation

Yes, surely the whole point of bigger, better is that it is conspicuous. There are some daft responses on here.

Inconspicuously or do you mean conspicuously? I don't think it would make OP's point if it was inconspicuous.

I am baffled by the posts suggesting that OP’s dd should take some kind of high road, and miss out. Hosting her party is not a reaction or an unkind gesture, it is a solution to a problem. Why should she not celebrate leaving her school just because some other child has been incredibly rude and uninvited her? Of course she must celebrate the milestone, and enjoy a party just like the other children. it has nothing at all to do with kindness but just plain common sense.

You must not invite the rude girl op, this would only encourage more poor behaviour. It would teach her that she can behave poorly and still be rewarded with invites.

Have the party. Invite the girl. Show everyone that did is the bigger person

Agree

What on Earth are you talking about?
Are you OK?

Anyway Op have your party your daughter deserve it. And definitely don't invite the bully.

I think for me the tipping point is the DISINVITE. Had she not invited her in the first place, for some reason, different scenario. Rise above it. Blah blah.

However, for an adult to go as far as retracting an invite for a child, over such nonsense. No chance I would be any part of that.

I would be very factual, and very brief, but host her a party, with whoever she wishes and have a blanket accurate response to anyone who questions it.

her daughter is being punished

She can have a dip in the pool, be OK

I wouldn't say your response is bullying, but it certainly is looking down on, belittling and insulting people. If you think #bekind isn't nonsense, then why not practice it.

Exactly this. Bullies thrive on getting headspace and attention from their victims. Being strong willed and not giving bullies your time or effort is much more powerful in the long run. Not all bullies can be dealt with by a quick punch on the nose, especially when you are older. Standing up to bullies can also be a lot more dangerous than it was in the past.

Teaching your DD to be confident and not resort to trying to 'beat' the bully is more important. A party given as a reaction is not really the basis for having fun

They're already "the better person" by not being a bully themselves. They don't need to prove it.

But it's not #bekind nonsense, that's what many posters don't seem to realise. It's about not stooping to someone else's level and giving them the power. This is an important "teachable moment". So OPs daughter either has a fun day with her friend, or she is taught to seek revenge and put all her energy into someone who thinks very little of her. Think how this then plays put for the rest of DDs life. The thread has been enlightening and shows how people can't even fathom a mature or reasoned avenue, and also is a good indicator of the low IQ and EQ of the majority of parents raising the next generation

I miss the laugh emoji.