Dd(10) uninvited from party

Oh please don't waste too much of your time pondering imaginary socially awkward moments of strangers on the internet, it's quite weird and probably unhealthy.

I'm sorry but on reflection I think the fact that there are only 8 girls and all would be invited except the bully moves the party into tit for tat territory. I don't agree with what the other mum did, but I think this is retaliatory at a similar level.

I had - for some reason - thought there were plenty of girls who wouldn't be invited to your dd's party. Apologies if i misread. Asking everyone bar one or two is always bad form imo. Its frustrating in this circumstance but still, on balance I don't think its the right plan.

I actually encouraged her to do it the day before the other party

I’m wondering if you often entirely misconstrue what people have said or misunderstand tone.

I think you’re having a go at the wrong parent but you do seem to be enjoying yourself.

I think the original post is mad.

If you want to throw a party then throw a party.. obviously.

But from your OP you are quite clear that the plan is to do a better party for your more popular daughter to leave the other child out in the spirit of revenge. Otherwise why mention the other party at all?

Oh and let your child decide who comes, perhaps she would like to fix things between this other girl and herself and that's okay. Have you even asked her?

Absolutely do it. A leavers pool party will be amazing. That means that otherwise your poor daughter won't get a party at all. No don't invite her.

Don’t invite her to the party- she sounds like a trouble maker & could go just to cause. Plus, who as an adult would throw a party and invite someone who’s been bullying and excluding them.

But that’s what the other mother has done. Are you seriously suggesting the OP should sit at home and do nothing. When her daughter was excited at. Party and her invite has been withdrawn about a boy. Age ten.

the OP is holding a party to show this mother she is absolutely ridiculous. And given the nature of the OP posts, she seems entirely reasonable and normal.

why would ANY a mother of a ten year old cancel a party invite over a boy.

what are we teaching our children.

Don't try and downplay it, you've been very clear on your intentions. You wanted to have a party for the sole purpose of inviting the whole class and excluding that girl, you originally were going to hold it on the same day. You're a terrible role model to have made this into such a huge drama. They are 10 ffs.

Good on you OP I hope your DD has a great party this weekend.. had similar with my youngest DD at this age and it seemed to set the tone for high school.

Well it does if it’s a last day of school leaver’s party. It didn’t originally need to clash, though, when OP’S DD was invited to go to it.

I’m over this ‘when they go low, we go high’ bollocks. When they go low, we go fuck that.

DD isn’t sending mixed messages or inviting and uninviting and bullying in the playground. She’s scheduling a party so she doesn’t sit alone on the last day of school in the knowledge that everyone is at a party she’s been purposefully excluded from. I’d say it would be a salutary lesson to the other girl on not being a bully and how everyone won’t just roll over for it.

ETA I’ve just seen that the party isn’t even on the same day, so even more reasonable. Though honestly, she should just do the party when she wants to.

But why? 1 girl in my daughters class was so horrible to her and some others that multiple parents made complaints. She repeatedly told my daughter and others that their mummy's were going to die in their sleep! She gets on well with all others. Should she just leave out another girl so the unkind girl isn't only one left out? That's ridiculous!

100% do. That girl was cruel, and her mother worse for not stepping in - clear to see where she gets it from.

I have one in year 8 going into year 9 next September and one in year 6 going into year 7. Just because the kids are going into the same highschool dose not mean they will need to be in the same circles. My DDs high school is very small by uk standards and she barely sees any of her primary school classmates. Her so called best friend for 7 years of primary was even in her form group but has managed to completely ignore and not say a word to my dd for 2 years. The other girl quickly found her new friends, my dd took a bit longer. I am absolutely not letting my 2nd dd be walked over that way, I was always the mum wanting to make things ok and be the “ better person” but other mums didn’t give a shit about how their kids treat mine so I now say just 100% priories your own especially when the other child and parent don’t give a shit about their behaviour.

i don’t think it’s fair to scare op into thinking she should allow her dd to be walked over.

And high school drama can be managed with the right parenting, my year 8 dd walks away and has been very happy and confident doing this even when she’s tried to be pulled in. The biggest part is she comes home and debrief to us which is really important. We only offer advice if asked but otherwise tell her she’s done the right thing to avoid it.

Well there is no issue then. Your daughter is entitled to have who she wants at her party. This girl sounds thoroughly horrible, as does her mum.

Hope your daughter enjoys it

Yes, two parties, two different days, each girl not going to the other. Sounds like it’s balanced itself out and no extra drama. They’ve got the long summer holidays ahead of them as well, I doubt either will be thinking about the parties at all a week later.

I think asking the same girls but excluding the bully is fine: that's just DD's list which the bully no longer features on.

But asking every girl in the class except the bully is moving into stooping to the same level. Its pretty basic that you don't ask the whole class and exclude only one and I think the trick to effective payback is managing to do it without stooping to the same level! Otherwise its just a stick-throwing brawl.

Honestly OP I wouldn't even bother replying anymore. Too many doormats would be happy to let their daughter get treated like crap and do nothing about it. And the ones who want you to invite the bully are on another level altogether.

Ah ok but no it wouldn’t be vindictive to invite the same girls and exclude the bully. How else is she supposed to have the party? She can’t exclude other friends she does like and she can’t be made to invite the mean girl.

No I'm not. If you scroll back I've been saying I'd go ahead and have a party and not ask her in response to people who said op should back off and not have a party.

It was just one comment by another poster suddenly made me wonder if the guest list op was proposing was everyone except this girl - in which case I think that does become stooping.

are you really suggesting that the girl, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, has to invite the girl who is being immensely mean to her or not have any end of year celebration with her friends at all?!