Dd(10) uninvited from party

Wow, pulling at straws now?! So people who would rather take the high road are now parents of bullies themselves? Sheesh. I don't understand that logic, but people really can justify anything, as this thread shows.

Absolutely. If this girl came and sincerely apologised to your DD without prompting, re invited her etc then I might consider inviting her your DD wanted to, but if not it would be a hard no from me.

It's this 'go high' rubbish which seems to be an open door for women to be treated like doormats. No wonder there are so many threads on here 'my husband does nothing around the house and I'm exhausted'. We need to teach our girls to know their worth, have boundaries to protect themselves, and to only accept people into their inner circle who treat them with kindness and respect.

This isn't being a bully back, its making choices to protect OP's daughters mental health. I can't see where OP's daughter has been hitting or saying unkind things to this girl. She had just made a choice to not invite someone who had been mean to her to her party, she has set a boundary. As adults, we don't by choice invite people to our home who are unkind to us, why should children be any different. There seems to be this thing where children can hit others, break their things, call them names and the victim just has to 'be kind' 'be the bigger person'.

In life you reap what you sow. I always tell my girls be kind to everyone until they show you their true colours, and then pick the ones who build you up and leave behind the ones who pull you down. And if someone changes forgive them, but don't forget. One of my daughters friends turned on her and was pretty mean, so my daughter left her alone and played with others. This girl after a few weeks came and apologised with a card saying sorry. Previously my daughter would have said 'that's ok', but she has learnt boundaries and her response was 'thanks for apologising, you really upset me, we can be friends but don't do it again'.

I'm petty af so I love this. I think you're taking the high road by not scheduling it the same day tbh. Let us know how it goes!

Another vote.absolutely do it!!

My life’s motto when excluded or treated badly is then to do something or form a group even better than the group / thing I am excluded from! Has always worked well. Success in the best revenge.

OP, I think you should go ahead and plan a lovely leavers party for your DD and any friend she wants to invite.

You are teaching your daughter that she doesn’t need to sit and mope on her own when she is bullied and excluded, I wish my mother had done something similar for me when I was little, honestly.

If the other mother had been kinder and more mature, it would never have been a thought in your head.

Also neither of mine are still friends with any of their primary school friends they got to secondary and massively upgraded - sure your girl will too so I wouldn’t worry about repercussions.

100% agree.

All it does is let bullies think they can treat people awfully, and STILL get an invite to a party 🤔enabling at its finest

Really don’t understand where this masochistic doormat “we go high” wet parenting style has come from? Like hell would I invite that kid to my dds house and give her a fun time after how she behaved! Any mother that would do so is frankly weird. .

Appeasement never works anyway look at Neville Chamberlain! Have a great party on a different date and obviously don’t ask bully kid. Let her learn that if you live by the sword you die by the sword.

Good for you op.
bullies and their parents should be taught a lesson.
Loving all the do gooders who put their kids through shit teaching them to be the better person 🙄

I think if you want to fix things, you need to speak to teacher and other girls mum and ask that bully apologises to DD.

Yes
having had 2 daughters go through this age I would do it - have the party give your daughter a lovely leaving memory.
be prepared for the mean girl to retract and redact and suddenly want to be dd s friend - and for dd tk want to invite her possibly (it s an absolute minefield at this age navigating these relationships)
you can have a plan with dd for in case this happens.
or it may escalate mean girls s behaviour to further jealousy and meanness.
just consider what the next steps will be in these scenarios.

seperately I would be having many many conversation with dd around self worth , friendships, external validation

it s tough

I think your response to this is perfect OP. Why should your daughter miss out because of the awful behaviour of this girl and her mum, and she definitely should not be inviting a girl that is bullying her to her party. Hopefully the girl will learn what happens when you are mean. And either way your daughter won’t have to feel she’s being excluded and missing out, or having to be be kind to someone that’s being horrible to her, or worse, invite the bullying into her own home.

Oh, there we go, you read my tone accurately. You’re absolutely right in that case, I should really stop giving people the benefit of the doubt 😊

I hope your daughter has a brilliant time at her party OP!

It's not tit for tat. Tit for tat was if OP's daughter planned a party, invited the bully, uninvited her, called her names and mocked her appearance.

Just not inviting her to a gathering is not what has happened to OP's daughter.

As PP so eloquently put it, it's "tit for tat" 🤷🏼‍♀️

You were expecting everyone to say no because in your gut you know it's the wrong thing to do. You're letting a whole bunch of MNers who as you know have unhealthy relationships, awkward social skills and often not many or any friends influence your decision.

They're both as bad each other, if anything OP is worse. That's kinda my point 🤨

Choosing not to include a bully in your party isn't bullying.

If you victimise and exclude someone else and they turn out not to be such a victim as you thought and arrange their own thing, and if the people around you choose to spend their time with that person instead of you, you are NOT the victim and you have NOT been bullied.

You should really be doing another job, you have no place influencing the minds of young children with sociopathic tendencies

Being a bully back, isn't a good thing to teach your kids 😑

And 10 is a good age to learn that when you act like a nasty bully, there's consequences.