Dd(10) uninvited from party

You’re right. I’m sticking with the my bunnies (and not just because it’s too late for me to edit 😂)

The bunnies would probably give better advice than the “be kind / go high” numpties on this thread!

😄 I was going to say bullies or bunnies but I’m fine with the bunnies, actually,

"Never take advice about bullying from bunnies"

The best, if not the most bizarre, advice of the day.
🐰

Totally agree. You only have to look at threads on here. Not just relationship ones, but people with horrible friends, colleagues who are totally taking advantage, siblings who walk all over them, but they don’t want to seem “mean” or “unkind” so they put up with it.
I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could argue with the idea that you don’t have to invite the person bullying you to your house.

I just think we have so many girls who go on to be women that put up with abusive behaviour due to societal conditioning. This thread is rife with it and I’d say a lot of the posts themselves have a bullying, faux-sanctimonious tone towards the OP. Never take adevice about bullying from bunnies. Nobody is telling OP’s daughter to bully her bully, they’re just saying she doesn’t have to invite her to a party. A party she’s having as she’s not allowed to go the original party.

I’d actually go on to say that, if you were actually going to take advice from a bully, I’m pretty sure if they were honest they would tell you not to be a doormat. That way leads… more bullying.

Is it a grudge? Or is it just not wanting someone who is unpleasant towards you to come to your house? That would been considered reasonable for an adult.

ETA - and the best way to show approval of the bully’s behaviour would be to invite her!

Huh? Tacit approval for a bully’s behaviour would be inviting the bully to the victims party, just to try to look like you have some kind of moral highground. It’s not petty to tell girls they don’t need to ‘be kind’ to bullies. If we actually want to be kind to bullies then we’re better off not tolerating their behaviour so they don’t turn into nasty adults.

I’d go as far as saying that telling a victim that they have to invite their bully to their party is actually a form of bullying in itself.

Exactly! She didn’t take her own advice there did she!

And actually, MO didn't go high when she didn't turn up to Trump's inauguration.

Do as I say and all that....

I wouldn't. It's giving tacit approval to 'mean girl' behaviour. If you want to demonstrate how to do this, have the party, invite this girl, show her and her mum that petty grudges are only for petty people.

The fact that your dd's party will be better will the silent lesson taught.

Agree it’s mental!!! Why is bully girl allowed to be really really mean and shitty to ops Dd yet ops Dd has to be a paragon of virtue and “go high” and pander around bully girl and still invite her to her own party ?! Absolutely fuck that! Makes no sense.

If I did something so mad Dh wouldn’t allow it anyway he has really really high standards for how he and our dds are treated which some on this thread would be horrified at no doubt. Bully girl wouldn’t cross our threshold..

But why? Her daughter was invited to a party, uninvited, then bullied by the girl in the playground. She can’t go to the leavers party on the last day that all of her friends are going to, through no fault of our own, and when everybody else is celebrating with the girl who publicly bullied her.

So her mum has decided to schedule a party a few days later so that she does get to at least celebrate with her friends at some point. She’s not inviting the girl that did the bullying. Literally, how could anybody object this? It’s so strange.

Just to reiterate, on the last day of school, she will know that everybody is going to a party that she isn’t invited to. Everybody else knows this, including the bully’s mother who is OK with it. And she’s supposed to invite that girl to her own party a few days later? Really?

You need to teach kids especially girls to have high self esteem and higher standards for what they will put up with. They need to be careful and tough when navigating their relationships with other kids Teaching the be kind / go high nonsense they will be a lambs to the slaughter at secondary navigating year 8/9.

Absolutely right, but they’re having so much fun sticking the boot in while simultaneously calling the OP a bully that I’m not sure logic is going to work.

Shhhh they’re enjoying calling you a bad parent and you’re ruining it with calm logic

You’re comparing someone to (convicted felon, rapist, dictator, I could go on…) Trump, for having an opinion on a party, but also asserting the moral high ground about bullying. Uh-huh…

I'm truly baffled.

Some posters expect the OP's daughter to extend an invite to a girl who is ostracising her? It's madness.

So far as it being obvious that only one girl will be missed from the invitations...Well, it's hardly the fault of the OP and her daughter that the class concerned is mainly male. ISTR that not all the boys in the class are being invited, so the one girl will not be the only person who doesn't have an invitation.

Same especially girls - setting them up to be doormats for the Andrew Tate generation of boys 🙄. “Going high” by putting up with bad disrespectful treatment. Bring your daughters up like that if want but I’m bloody not.

What a great post. I utterly despair of some of the responses here, really I do.

The number of women confusing “kindness” with being an utter wet wipe and doormat is actually quite concerning. This behavior doesn’t make people like you fyi.

or she is taught to seek revenge and put all her energy into someone who thinks very little of her

How is teaching revenge? She's having to have a separate celebration because this other girl is 'seeking revenge' due to something outwith OP's DD control, so DD is learning boundaries that she should not have to entertain anyone who who calls her nasty names. Are you saying DD shouldn't be allowed to enjoy her own party because there will be someone there putting her down and making her feel uncomfortable?

Revenge would be having a party on the same day and taking guests away from the other girls party - which is not what is happening.

Maybe the other girl will learn that actions have consequences. I wouldn't let mine exclude someone over a boy, but if my 10 year was excluded for that petty reason, you best believe I'd be ensuring she still got to attend a party to celebrate the transition.

As for your comments about how people agreeing with OP have low IQ and EQ, and are bringing up the next generation...I am highly educated and my children are good, decent people, because I've taught them compassion but also not to be walked all over. Coincidentally, my 10 year old just received a special end of year award for kindness and compassion towards others. So your remarks are both inaccurate and, dare I say it, unkind. I hope you haven't passed on your passive aggressiveness/sweeping generalisations to the next generation.

I’m absolutely baffled by the number of posters who have suggested that you invite your daughter’s bully to her end of year party, my mind boggles! I’d love to know if they would do that with their own children! I think you’re being absolutely more than reasonable. From me it’s a resounding YES to the party, and NO to inviting the bully. Surely this is the only sensible solution?!

Hope your DD has a great party and the Bully understands to be nice in future. You reap what you sow

I'd just ignore any message from the mother. I doubt there will be one unless she's the most tin earred person on the planet. I hope your daughter enjoys her party.