Dd(10) uninvited from party

I think it’s an important life lesson that the young girl doesn’t need to get petty revenge every time she’s wronged. If this was my DD I would have the party on a different day and tell her she can invite whoever she wants to. If she doesn’t want to invite the mean girl, she’s old enough to make that decision.

Oh - but it’s not a party. It’s so hot - and you thought it might be nice to ask a few kids to come and have a swim while DD is at a loose end….

You were planning to hold a rival party on the same day or have I (hopefully) interpreted that wrong?

I’d hold the party, 100%.
As a back-up, prepare your DD in a “we’ll have our own party but don’t worry if they don’t turn up, they might have already said yes to the other party” just to soften the blow in case the other kids/their parents make them stick to the commitment of the first party.

I wouldn’t even call this spite or revenge, your DD has been uninvited because of the most ridiculous reason for a 10 year-old. This is, if anything, a lesson to your DD that her Mum has got her back.

Sorry, completely not the point of the thread but where do you live that a 10 year old is leaving primary school?

As long as it’s not on the same day, then I don’t think not inviting the girl is behaving in the same way at all. Behaving in the same way would be inviting her, then uninviting her and then bullying her in the playground?

I would have the party.

There was multiple leavers parties when my child left school.

That is incredibly rude and mean of them to uninvite your DD. I agree throw a party if you like. Girls of that age and all that.

Yep! Another vote for go for it! Maybe this will teach the mean girl a valuable lesson BEFORE she becomes a NASTY teenager!

Personally I wouldn’t as you and your dd will be behaving exactly the same as them.

And what if the girls that had planned to go to the other girls party still go there, then your DD has a party and no friends…. Unless you plan to invite different guests?

I would.
Fuck the moral highground.

Please just do it!

I'm a bit confused, only one pp had said no when you posted this?

If you have the means and energy to do it then have a party. Why not? Bullies shouldn't win

Definitely do a party but not on the same day. It puts so many kids (and parents) into an uncomfortable situation and you might not like if parents without the full story pick a birthday over a ‘just because’ party. Bringing the pool and bigger house into it is definitely a draw, but to be frank makes you sound a bit dickish/buying friends (which I’m sure isn’t your intent).

On the party day take DD out, have a nice time, etc etc. but don’t sink to the competing level as that’s no way to end a school year (or let that fester into high school!)

This is true - she owes her nothing. I wonder if they are going to the same high school?

I’d do it the day after.

Would be awful if the invited kids were talking about the pool party during the leavers party.

But I’m in a bad mood today. I RL I’d do it at the weekend!

@BoredZelda

It helps by supporting her in not sinking to the mean behaviour.

Doing something nice with her whilst party is on would help. Organising a pool gathering or two at over the summer and having an end of summer, pre secondary school party would be good.

Teaching her that poor behaviour is a good response is not helpful. It will not be the last time she encounters this kind of behaviour. Recognising ‘mean girl’ stuff and not descending to retaliatory unkindness is, in my view, a good skill

You’re right - OP’s daughter should have the choice about whether to invite the mean girl.

Do it! I would, no hesitation.

Then I change my answer to no. In your OP, you said this weekend not next Tuesday.
Doing it on the same day makes it into a popularity competition and this child sounds like they have shitty self-esteem as it is, if they need to be validated by the opposite sex
TLDR: weekend fine, same day not

First poster has it.

I can be a bit petty but even i wouldnt do it same day.... I'd do on the last day of school so the day immediately before the other girls party.

I'd def do Pool and pizzas and say a small prayer everyone is telling mean girl how lame.her party is vs your dds.

This girl is bullying the OP's daughter - inviting her isn't taking the moral high ground, it's prioritising someone who's been really unkind over her own comfort in her own home.

And why should this girl get to choose whether she attends or not - she's not a friend and shouldn't have the power to make the OP's daughter feel on edge at her own party. At 10, shes old enough to understand that this is the natural consequence to her behaviour.

I wouldn’t invite the mean girl, you don’t need to invite people that have bullied you to your party. In fact, that’s really encouraging her to have no boundaries whatsoever. Being mean would be having the party, inviting her, then uninviting her, and then bullying her in the playground. Your DD is just having a leaving party given she’s not able to go to the other one that’s been scheduled.

Oh and it wouldn’t come across as DD being the ‘bigger’ one given the mother and her daughter clearly don’t have the same standards. I think being the bigger one sometimes is akin to the dreaded ‘be kind.’ Girls don’t need to be kind to people who are not being kind to them. She owes her nothing.

I wouldn't want to teach revenge and spite myself but there's no reason you can't hold your own summer party at another time to this one. Whilst horrible for your dd it's these experiences that allow them to learn. Choose good friends who don't behave like this and hold your head up and recognise the other person is at fault.