Dd(10) uninvited from party

Absolutely! Go for it! Hope she has a fab party.
For those saying that you’re teaching her to be a mean girl - you’re not. You’re teaching her her worth and just because some boy obsessed little madam excludes her out of jealousy she can still have her own party and her own friends.
Think about it - one of your colleagues deliberately excludes you from an event. Do you then warmly invite them to your home? Of course not!
And it may do the other kid a favour - and teach her while she’s young that ditching your pals for boys doesn’t work out well and can isolate you.

Throw the party, that's a great idea. But let DD decide whether to invite the girl or not. Its her party, her friendship group and should be her decision.

So if your DD does something wrong and mean that makes it okay? I don’t think this girl has acted well but it’s her party and not beyond the realms of comprehension, esp as your DD is already more popular, more fancied, and from a wealthy family with a pool etc. Feels like a major bitchy move to do what being vaunted. Sure it can be justified but it’s still a low move. There are other ways to lift your DD’s spirits without being vengeful, dramatic and making this insecure girl feel publicly humiliated.

Primary school kids fall out all the time. I've always been quick to talk down any bad mouthing. It usually passes so quick. Next minute they're best friends again.
In your case OP, absolutely host a party for your DD. Sorry, but I'd be petty and not invite the other girl, unless your DD was gracious enough to invite her of course.I wouldn't be talking her into it though.

I read your post as throwing a party on the same day which I would not do personally. I find it just as toxic as what that girl did uninviting your daughter.

I feel ike it's teaching your daughter to waste her time and energy getting wrapped up in revenge on people who don't matter.

Presumably they aren't going to the same secondary school as could backfire and cause more conflict between them.

I just don't see revenge as a healthy way to manage conflict.

If you mean throwing a party on a different day then sure, I think that's empowering, teaches your child to take things into her own hands, not let a bad experience spoil things and also you are free to not invite the mean girl because why would you after she's been so mean and it will teach her a well deserved lesson.

10 seems very young for fancying other DC.

A party is a great idea, just not on the same day. And don’t feel that you have to invite the other girl. Perhaps follow your DD’s lead on this one, but I wouldn’t encourage her to show ‘kindness’ by inviting her bully into her home.

Absolutely do it!! Your daughter doesn't deserve to be left out and the only way that will happen is if you throw your own party.

Do it. I’d even do it on the same day.

Another vote for do it, but invite the girl, also the boy that caused the bother.

It should teach your daughter that bullies can't have their way, but also to take the high ground and include people in what sounds like a small school/ local community.

Much better than teaching her to be a mean girl and show off her 'nicer' things

Why wouldn't you OP? The mean girl doesn't own the concept of a end of term party does she? Don't let your DD be excluded.

I would, as long as it didn’t clash with the original party.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

Almost feel sorry for her for having such a mum!

There’s nothing wrong with holding another party as long as it doesn’t clash, but I wouldn’t exclude any of the children. Either the behaviour is wrong, or it’s fine. If it’s wrong (which excluding a child clearly is) then I wouldn’t be teaching my daughter that it’s acceptable.

Take your daughter out for something really fun on the day of the party that she’ll be missing!

Just to add - if someone did this to a child in DD’s class and I got a new invite that clashes with the one I already accepted, I actually would pull out of the first party because of how they have treated your daughter. And I would tell the mother that too. No way would I go along with such spiteful behaviour.

Unless there is a backstory and you and your daughter are a nightmare 🤣

I would do it, on the last day and I would include the other girl so you have the moral high ground for any parents who feel bad about coming to yours after agreeing to go to the other girl.

Edit - surely the mum would have to politely decline anyway after excluding your dd. If not at least it will be super awkward for the mum. The dd is being horrible but it is the mum not correcting her behaviour that is the real issue.

I would 100% have a party and not invite the other child. But I wouldn’t do it on the same day. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Did you respond to the mum? I would have to say something about it, she’s behaved appallingly. Her daughter has clearly learned her behaviour from her spiteful mum. How pathetic.

Im astounded that this is even coming up at this age? Dd is just leaving primary school and this wouldn’t even occur to her. Some
of the kids in her class have been boyfriend girlfriend but it’s been so innocent and very random. I’m not sure they even fancy each other 🤣

Be the bigger person here.
Yes organise another party but doing it the same day just looks petty. As others have said it could also backfire. If my child came home having already accepted an invite to the first party then I would not be letting them suddenly go to another party instead.

It sounds like this is an unofficial thing anyway and just what some mum has decided to do rather than a school event as you mention only some boys have been invited and not all, so your DD won't be the only child not going to this event.

This is why these parties become ridiculous with it becoming a popularity contest and parents competing!

My brain was trying to do the maths as well.

OP, I’m not sure I would take advice from this poster on what spiteful behaviour is, given they are displaying it themselves.

The children may prefer to go to your daughters party, but bare in mind a lot of parents wouldn’t let their child go if they had already agreed to go to a different party, because it would be seen as rude.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

Eh? They're 9! What an inappropriate comment. And to encourage interest in boys over kindness to her friends is just gross. Sounds like your DD is so much better off without them.

Have a great pool party.