Dd(10) uninvited from party

Two wrongs don’t make a right. By holding it on the same day you are putting the other children in a terrible situation where they have to choose between your child and the other. And if you triumph and they come, the other child’s party is ruined that’s a lesson of revenge and that’s just awful making you just as bad as the original issue. If you don’t’win’ them your child is going to be doubly hurt.

hold a party but on a different day. Invite the girl in question, so you are teaching her a lesson that excluding people is wrong and never justified. Play some girl power songs and show both girls how to overcome social issues.

as Michelle Obama said’when they go low, you go high’ don’t teach your girl how to combat hurt with revenge it will never ever work out well.

Feck the higher ground! Do not invite the mean little bully to your home. Adults wouldn’t invite a bullying colleague over - why should the OPs daughter have to feel uncomfortable in her own home at her own party?

Will they both be going to the upper/high school?
If so, bringing drama into the move is not good.
I get why you'd do the alternative party but all of it smacks of mean girls.
I'd go back to the original girl's mum, say you think it's shitty, then WhatsApp all the other parents of the kids going to tell them what's happening and suggest that letting their Kids attend is complicit with bullying.
I too was bullied for teeth gap and being a bit different to every one else, high ground is best here.

I wouldn't invite the mean girl-bully?

How about some girls from dance also then if they are changing schools?

Have the party but don't leave out one child.

Great adulting 🙄

DO NOT invite mean girl. What some kids are missing nowadays is a healthy taste of their own medicine. A lesson needs to be taught, her parents clearly won’t do it!!

This is ridiculous from the other parent. They are 10!!! The girl and her mother sound absolutely horrible.

I wouldn’t absolutely have another party and not invite her, but I wouldn’t have it the same day as any decent person would honour the original invitation if they had accepted it.

Have it the day before or the day after.

Have the party, invite the boys AND her, then accidentally push her in the swimming pool with her clothes on.

Lots of things at school can cause a headache but in the wider world are nothing. Such a cliche to say must have an easy life, just because it’s not global headline newsworthy.

If I have RSVPd then they are going to the first party.

I’d don’t own party but not at the same time
as the other one. You’d be causing people a lot on angst!

If I have agreed for DS to go to a party, I wouldn’t cancel and go to another one. That’s just rude.

Rise above it. Make the party. Invite all the children including the mean girl. And the boy in question. Mean girl can choose to come or not if she doesn’t want to see your dd and the boy

I would have told my dauvhter to stop being mean and the party would be cancelled if i was the mother of the other daughter.
I would have the party. Make it amazing, but also invite the girl. And the boy. To show you wont stand for bullies and just generally are a nicer person.

Definitely do it, but invite the mean girl, that’s taking the higher ground whilst still celebrating end of school with your daughter so that she gets some fun too. You also need to share with her that despite some of the name calling she’s experienced if never pays off to exclude people on purpose in the long run. She might not come anyway given the circumstances and then you’ve really lucked out 😂

Would you actually be telling people why you are hosting a different party? Reading some of these comments it sounds like you would be or people are assuming you are. I would actually think both adults sound immature and in a popularity contest and I am not sure I would want my child going to either party anymore (however if I had to choose I would still say the first one as that was accepted first). Other posters have also made a good point about secondary school and not wanting to cause trouble if going to the same one. Also another good point is that they may have fallen out now but be best if friends in a week's time, so you will end up looking silly and the girls will both be blaming the mums for the drama!

I would absolutely not do it on the same day, that is unbelievably petty. And if my DC had already accepted an invitation to the first party there is no way I would let her swap for something else, really rude behaviour.
Obviously you could do something else fun with your DD on the party day, and then maybe do something separately another time, but don't teach your daughter to repay cruelty with cruelty, that is an awful lesson.
And it's not being weak, they don't have to be friends, it's jljust not being as awful as she was.

Do the party. Invite everyone.

I would make it clear to anyone who asks why you have decided to hold it.
I would also tell this girl's DM that you would never exclude a DC from a party due to a petty crush as it teaches DC ALL the wrong life lessons.

Fuck that kid and her mum. You’re not teaching your daughter to be spiteful, as per previous holier than thou poster 🙄 you’re teaching her you’ve got her back, not to accept shitty behaviour and not to be a pushover. Also that mean girls don’t get their own way. I’d do a pool party, same date, same time, all bells and whistles and really push the boat out. And invite every kid but the mean one.

I also expected everyone to be saying no!

How about having your party the day after? Still makes the point that actions have consequences because the other girl won't be invited (and kids will all be excited about yours and talking about it in school before they break up) but the other children won't have to choose between them, and won't make you look quite so petty as you can pretend you're taking the high road (no shade, I'd be very tempted to do exactly the same!).

If you had it the same day I'd feel bad for the few kids whose parents might (reasonably, I might do the same) make them honour the first commitment and thus be stuck at bitchy girl's on their own while the rest of the class had an amazing time at yours. Also ensures that more children will come to your dd's - I appreciate her best friend's mum is on your side but the others might feel too awkward to say 'Sorry, we've got a better offer' and dump the first invite.

In the past I would have said don't have the party. But why should your child be punished and miss out because of something she hasn't done and can't control. The other girl's mother should teach her daughter how to behave. Your daughter deserves to be included and have fun too.
People like this other girl's mother really are not on.

@freddiewini will this girl be at high school with her? A friend had something similar and the fall out at high school with the rumours and trouble caused by the other girl was immense

how about doing something special just with her best friend after school and the pool party another day

this

absolutely bloody do it!!!!!!!!!!

I would 100% throw a party but definitely not on the same day. Partly because it really lacks class to do that and teaches bad behaviour to your daughter but also because it could result in a poor turn out. Pick a date (ideally before the original party) and go with that

I personally would invite the mean girl because again that shows the higher moral ground and more class. She will either decline as they’re not friends and it would be awkward to come, or she will agree and have to come and behave and it will diffuse the whole situation. If you invite her, your daughter will have played an amazing power move, but with class. She will have shown that she has plenty of friends and can throw her own party and does not need this girl, but will have also demonstrated that there is no need to be mean and leave people out, but equally she won’t be a victim