Dd(10) uninvited from party

Avoiding mean people doesn't make a person mean themselves. It's called asserting your boundaries and not tolerating people in your life that don't add to it. A valuable lesson to learn even at 10.

Did you hold the party OP? How did it go?

Or they'll think "ha! They were so bothered I didn't let them come they had to organise their own emulation of it."

I'd honestly just strike out on your own terms and do something different and better op.

And you really think the parent/child will think in that way? Bullies aren't nice people. They will be thinking "ha, I got two parties and she only got one" or something along those lines. You're giving them too much credit.

Had your dd had her party? I hope it went well for her and that the meanness at school stopped.

I agree with those saying have your own party and invite the other little twerp. Take the high ground and shame the mum in the process for the horrible choices she’s supporting her daughter in making.

Glad to here it. I have been trying to follow all the comments on this thread but wasnt clear about the date

She's not having the party on the same day. The OP has stated this many times.

Of course you can, but obviously not on the same date...that smells of revenge and will probably have unwanted fall out for you and your daughter.

If my 10yr old DD had told me they wanted to uninvite anyone for that reason i’d cancel the party before I did that. The mum is ridiculous.

Funny you should use that term. I actually know of a party that became known as the "revenge party."

The facts were a bit different, but the upshot is even the children clocked it for what it was and it didn't leave the revenge party thrower looking victorious; I think everyone felt faintly pitying that they had felt the need to go all out in an OTT way and at great expense to recover their dignity (in their own mind). I think everyone remembers it more for that than anything - and the size of the obvious hurt they were feeling ( which I do feel sorry for) kind of got immortalised rather than forgotten. The bigger the party, the bigger the memory ...

But NOT on the same day. You dont have to invite the girl, but she can have her own party another day. That way it doesnt sound like a revenge party, which it would do if you hold it at the same time.

The one at fault here is the girl's mom for permitting this kind of behaviour, but you dont have to condone it retaliating in the same was. They are 10/11 for heavens sake, not 15 and far too young to take boy crushes seriously.

I would however mention to her mother that she is bullying your daughter at school.

It’s not pandering to the behaviour, it’s rising above it.

If you let mean behaviour make you mean, you have given the mean person power over you.

Oh and no harm, op, in including that boy in an alternative treat ...

No I think that's a misread of some posters, and also a massive over-simplification.

I'm definitely not in the camp of pandering to the bully. No way would I be inviting her. I actually think that borders on the ridiculous.

I was in the camp of saying just have a party and don't invite her. I actually didn't quite even see what the dilemma was or why op had posted - until I realised that the party was effectively all the girls except the bully.

I don't think it is an unusual standard of decency that most people think in any kind of situation where there is a formal delineation of a group (think class, NCT group, book club etc) its just bad form to invite almost everybody. I'd say a general rule of about half is reasonable - though obviously the numbers differ depending. 20 invited from a class of 37 I'd think was fine. Its just a case of not making the exclusions pointed.

This behaviour standard isn't about the bully or what she "deserves"; its about the op's DD. It's so pointed you might as well say to everyone:" oh you will of course notice x isn't coming, there's a reason for that which you all well know: she de-invited my DD." And of course they probably all know. But its beginning to get petty and unedifying.

My stance on bullies is don't let them make you do anything you don't want to do. I wouldn't want to be that petty person. So i wouldn't do the all-bar-one party list. That kind of justification for behaving differently out of spite has no limits: well she killed my cat first ... and so on. I just wouldn't be teaching my dc that. It feels empowering at the time but has actually instilled a pattern that isn't healthy. DH beats you up and abuses you? So abuse him back? No: know your worth and walk away, Find a better life. Be who you want to be not who the bully has tricked you into being.

I'd personally be picking a loyal friend or maybe two and doing something as amazing as you can afford for a treat op. Shame the numbers make a party tricky - but that's life, and, I suspect, why you posted in the first place. If there were 30 girls to choose from of course you could go ahead and have a cracking party.

But I would choose something else. And deep down I think you would too or you wouldn't have seen a reason to start a thread.

The world is divided into two camps it seems. Those whose response on their child being badly treated is to think sod you I’m having oir own party for my kid with people she likes and you mean girl are not one of them.

Then those that (inexplicably in my opinion) want to pander to the mean girl and actually invite her into their child’s home and shower her with treats in the misguided view that this makes them Michelle Obama or something. The mean kid would probably be baffled herself by this.

10 year old girls falling out over boys is crazy.

It teaches her to go high and not low? It stops this developing into a feud which could impact her throughout her school career? It teaches her the importance of being kind? It's outrageous that the mum has backed up her daughter in "uninviting" a child to her party because the boy she likes likes another girl(!!!???). Perhaps do something lovely with DD on the day of the party, something that's quality time with DD reinforcing that she's loved and even if other people reject her, she is still loved and can still have a good time and good life.

Moral of the story: When you’re treated unfairly, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who value you.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Have the party, it sounds fun.

Invite the other girl. Don’t repeat the behaviour that you found so unacceptable. That would make you as bad as the other mum.

Also, excluding her would burn bridges and create bad blood that would probably echo down the years into the future. Possibly escalating with ever-bigger tit-for-tat retaliations.

Also, it’s the mum who’s an idiot, not the girl, so try and teach the girl better ways. What mum agrees to uninvite a friend because the boy you like fancies her? And why is this ten year old so sexualised?

And…..
so the OP and daughter stoop to the same level. They still get a party, a happy 10 year old and a mother who will see her daughter included in her own soirée.
Moral of the story: When you’re treated unfairly, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who value you.

Please do it and make sure you invite that boy too!!

Can you hold your party the day before?

This girl has been horrible to OP's daughter. I hope she enjoyed the party without her.

DO THE PARTY!! Also invite the whole class including this girl…

her mum is ridiculous for encouraging this “aah it’s liking boys” nonsense . They are 10/11 years ago. They all just all friends .