Dd(10) uninvited from party

I’m not at this stage of parenting yet, but I’d be inclined to kill them with kindness - it’s not weakness, it’s acknowledging pathetic behaviour for what it is, and that ppl can change (especially kids). With a dash of psychological warfare 😁

I think throwing the party the weekend before the last day of school, inviting the girl and the boy, and making it an incredible party will:

• upstage the girl’s party (much deserved imo)
• show up the true colours of the girl and the mum when ppl realise and ask why your DD isn’t invited (won’t the girl be mortified if everyone knows why she uninvited your DD?)
• give an opportunity for the girl to rethink her truly awful behaviour towards your DD, she’s fully the unreasonable one here

Do keep us posted! XOXO, as they say

Then I would tread very carefully with this then given they are high school together - she has shown you who she is and how she reacts and drama spreads quickly in year 7 and try to extricate DD from her without fuss

Definitely host the pool party!

I didn't advocate for a separate party.

i would 1000% do it if it was my child.

Jesus. They are 10 years old. Like they’ll give a shit in a few weeks time.

it’s horrible to be excluded from things but neither mum is setting a good example. First child already has issues, that’s clear. Why pile it on ?

First mum sounds like a Cnut and her daughter is going the same way. Be a bigger person, and don’t let your daughter think that this behaviour is acceptable, you have the pool party and don’t invite child 1, you’re as bad as they are.

I wouldn't really want my child involved with either of these families.
One mum wanting to exclude one child because a boy likes them.
Another mum then wanting to humiliate the girl by trying to better her party and host it on the same day. Which is just as bad.

People are still ignoring the fact that this isn't an official end of school leavers party and not all the class are invited anyway.

I would think both families are batshit and would hope my child would make better friends at secondary school.

Another vote for a different date.
I wouldn't invite someone who is actively bullying my child, but would perhaps keep the numbers so they were not the only one not invited.

do it., but before the other party 😬

Haven't read the thread but I'd take the moral high ground and have a better party but invite everyone. Mean girl probably won't even come

Don't you care about bullying? If so I think I would avoid you too.
If my child was involved with kids who's parents encouraged it I'd want to know.

I'd say hold the party, but on a different day.

As others have said, if they clash then there's going to be a dilemma for parents who have already accepted.

Can you do it and invite the girl that’s being mean ? And the boy she fancies !! That would send an interesting message.

I would host a party another day and definitely won’t invite the bully. Just because of the situation it might create for your guests. Do something nice with your DD on the day of the other party.

I would prob have the leavers party the night before - ie if the last day is the friday I would have it on the Thursday after school.
You won't look spiteful but also all the girls at the friday party will be talking about your party .... so you are being sneakily spiteful.

Hmmmm what does your daughter want to do? I’d say this is key.

Without getting into the already widely discussed moral/ parenting angles a rival party on the day is going to take some social nerve and confidence to carry off heading into secondary. If the other kid has form for meanness, name calling etc and they are heading to the same school she won’t hold back and with a much bigger pool of kids who don’t know your daughter she could cause problems in the first day that could take months to clear. I know mine would opt to do something else nice on the day and a trip or pool party with close friends at a later date.

some of this ‘advice’ is exactly why children become adults who can’t solve issues without being nasty ‘teaching them a lesson’ it’s utterly heartbreaking. If we approach every issue with compassion maybe the world would not be so full of haters.

Do it! Especially that it's on a different date, enjoy it!

Rather than a party could she just invite one or two of the girls, her best friend for a really fun day out (that rivals the party) or something similar? Rather than holding a statement party, explain to those mums the situation. Might be better than a full on party and taking all the guests but enough to make your daughter feel less rubbish and have something to look forward to rather than feeling rubbish about it all.

It might be best to remember we are all adults here - I am parent to a DD. It’s not an American film, it’s real life and these are ten year old girls. As an adult parent, I behaved like a decent adult parent. I would have let my almost 11 year old DD decide who to invite to her leavers’ party. As someone 40 years older, I don’t really remember the mean girls from primary school, but I certainly remember the mean Mums.

I'd tell DD she is welcome to invite some friends round on the day of the party that she has been disinvited to.

If kids are invited to both it's then their choice. She could also invite her dance class friends maybe? Make it a focus on celebrating her GOOD friends that are kind.

If I was mean kid's mum I'd be telling her no to be so mean and petty. "You're not invited to my party anymore" is such year one behaviour, and even then it's not acceptable.

Throw a party op. Why should your kid be sat at home sad knowing the bully is having a lovely time.

Get off your high horse, you tit.

If I got a message like that I would think both mums are insane and want to avoid them both!

Yes in England it’s 1st Sept to 31st Aug.

If asking a 10 year-old to choose between two parties gives somebody a headache, yes, they must have an easy life.