Dd(10) uninvited from party

Well if your intention is to teach your DD to be a revengeful, spiteful bitch, go ahead and encourage her to have own party at the same time.

Yes it's gutting to see your DD treated that way, but deliberately going low and using the guests to punish her (which will also put them in an awful position) is even lower than what the 'friend' did.

Personally I think you should find your inner Michelle Obama, and have a party on another day.

ETA that we cross-posted. I'm glad you've seen sense.

But you aren’t depressed because ops daughter was uninvited and her mother couldn’t care less how that made her daughter feel ok

I don’t think you should set this example for your dd. By all means have a party and don’t invite mean girls but dont make about her.

I wouldn’t do it for that reason. If you want to do a summer party fair enough. But I wouldn’t want to behave at their level. I’d pick a select few to come and teach dd to choose her friends wisely. I.e the kind decent kids.

Id have the party, why should your daughter be excluded and miss out on an ens of year party because of some spiteful girl in a class she may never see again? Invite her best friend and any girls that want to come. What's the alternative? That your daughter sits at home upset because of this other girl. Why should your daughter have to be the one to set an example, be the martyr etc

@AliceMcK they are at the same high school and if the OP handles this wrongly it is the OPs daughter who comes across as a bully in this story particularly the using of a pool

High school girl drama is off the scale at the moment - it is far worse in years 7 and 8 than it was when DD (year 11) was that age. Luckily I have a DS who tells me about it

You definitely don't have a party on the same day, forcing other families to choose. I would invite the other girl, if you're inviting all the girls in the class, you have the moral high ground then - she won't want to come if you're inviting the boys too

I’m depressed by the number of adult women with children on this thread rubbing their hands in glee at the thought of getting one over on a child.

Please do it!

The plan is to have it next weekend. The original mean girls party is the Tuesday they break up.

Only reason i wouldn’t is because some of the girls might feel obligated to go to the one they’ve already rsvp-ed to meaning your daughter might be uninvited, and alone at her own party

Don’t worry about high school, they will all go their separate ways and the bully may even get her comeuppance. Same with dates clashing. Maybe if the bully childs mother had told her dd her behaviour is inappropriate and it’s not all about boys then I’d be less inclined, but why should your dd miss out.

I’ve actually arranged something for my DDs class, I’ve made it so it’s open to everyone including ones I don’t like regardless, especially regardless of crushes. I could have left out a couple of bullies (not targeted my DD) but have made it clear to all parents that this is a happy celebration and any signers of upset from anyone that I will be calling parents. I will be looking after 2 of my DDs friends who have been targeted and reassured them and told the bullies parents I don’t want any bother and don’t have an issue with everyone coming as long as there are no tears, first sign I’m done.

I would just do it. The other girl has decided not to invite your dd, so she cannot be mad for not being invited. Nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands and making sure she has a good time with her friends.

Don't invite the bully.
We must teach our daughters that they don't need to be doormats/people-pleasers or turn-the-other-cheekers.

I just don’t know how people have the time and energy for this bullshit.

Good opportunity to teach DD about (emotionally) managing self and others - not being mean and reactive. Talk to the school if the name-calling is a problem. Talk to your daughter about it. Organise a gathering another time if you/DD want - but do not get caught-up some kind of weird 10-year old revenge drama.

I would publicly be the bigger person and invite all the girls, including the bully, to a better party on a different day.

But obviously, don't chase up her RSVP. If mum or child whinges at any point, politely uninvite them suggest they stay at home for a rest as the poor love seems to be overwhelmed by all the end-of-term events. 😇

Have the party but don't let it clash with the other one. I wouldn't invite the bully.

Completely fine to have a party but I wouldn’t do it on the same day. That would be petty and you’d be no better than the other mum (who isn’t responsible for the bullying, but she hasn’t told her daughter that she’d be rude and jealous to uninvite your DD). I don’t think it’s a good lesson to teach that meanness should be responded to with more meanness (as you will be poaching guests from the original party)

Don't stoop to their level. Teach your daughter to be the bigger person. Have a party by all means, but don't use it as a way to get back at the other girl. 10 is very young. Her mum is in control, not her. Her mum should be teaching her kindness, and what is and is not OK behaviour. Your DD will probably have to interact with this girl in the future so don't set them up to be enemies now. If she wants this mean girl at her own party, then invite her. If not, then don't. You don't owe the mum any explanation. Prioritise your lovely DD and help her to navigate this and her future friendships by teaching her resilience, strength and kindness.

I feel like there’s an unpleasant undertone of “we’re rich so we’re better” in this. The whole “we have more room and a swimming pool” blah blah blah. Using your material goods to get the attention of DD’s classmates and pull them away from another child’s party is quite crass. You don’t really want her forming friendships on that basis, or developing that attitude herself.

You should also bear in mind that the other parents won’t have a clue about this little drama and will think that you’ve just randomly tried to spoil another child’s party.

This.

I would never forgive my mum for forcing me to invite my BULLY to my party. Can’t believe how many people are suggesting it. Absolutely shitty terrible parenting.

Do it. I have no sympathy for this girl if she calling your daughter names. This way at least your dd gets to attend one leaver's party.

Very mature 😏

I’d invite them all, even the mean girl, and then un-invite the mean girl. Then make the party bigger and better. Absolutely don’t let the mean girl win this one - awful that mean girls mum is allowing it to happen!