Dd(10) uninvited from party

Ooooh poooool party! Don’t call it leavers party as pool party sounds so much better 🥳

Moved my DS a year early to a private school because of issues. Son didn't want to miss the end of school party so did it a year early. Hired a stretch limo to pick up all his friends. They then went bowling, a drive around some sights and back to our house for a hot tub party and BBQ.

The head was not amused apparently but the teachers were 🤣

I'd have the leavers party for ypur DD but I'd also invite the mean girl. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Why? Why should she invite a bully who uninvited her.

You’re a teacher and you're encouraging op to have a party on the same day as the ‘mean girl’? Anyway OP has come up with a good compromise that will keep dd happy with no need to lower herself to achieve that.

you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys

At 10 ??

@freddiewini apologies. I misread it.

As a teacher I see this sort of thing. Awful behaviour of the mother.

Noone wants to wait until the day after school finishes to have a party, they want it on the same day.

absolutely definitely have a party- on the actual day that school finishes. Invite all of the boys too and make it really inclusive. Order dominos. Invite all the parents for a drink too, encourage them all to bring a bottle. This is a big time for parents too and you have all been on a journey together. This is the kind of party we had for my DS finishing primary and it was lovely. At the end of the evening all the dds left to go to another house for a sleepover and all the DSs stayed at the host’s house for a sleepover and the parents went home in Ubers. You should offer all of the DD’s to sleep over at yours. Suggest to a mum of one of the DSs to do the same for the boys. Include the mean dd if you can bring yourself to.

The next day they will have had so little sleep they will likely all cancel on the other party anyway!!

"I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people"

how do parents know if their kids are 'generally more liked'
Also. retaliatory mean of you to mention the meanness

gawd I hated this part of primary school gate mums

Must be something in the water - my eldest daughter had exactly the same problem when 11, uninvited from a party in a tussle over a boy when she wasn't even interested in boys! The party that she got bounced from was a big spend item and a huge deal for her classmates - she was really hurt. We had a nice evening out on the evening of the party she was missing, just noodles and cinema, and then hosted a garden party and sleepover for about 15 of her friends the following weekend - put a big canvas yurt up outside, made their own pizzas and pancakes from scratch, all of the girls had manicures and pedicures and the biggest tussle of the evening was who got to have the dog next to them when they all crashed out in their sleeping bags downstairs. Several years on and in Uni most of them have reunited to go to a festival together and ended up hosting the group again for the night before departure - same girls, same downstairs crash space, and I was surprised how much they wanted to talk about our thrown together cheapo party when they were 11! (Incidentally none of them seemed to remember much about the big posh party that my daughter got excluded from, apart from the fact that the mum and dad were rowing all the time about the cost) Ended up with another mani pedi session in the wee small hours but with less pizza and more vodka - I did not appreciate being hauled out of bed to have my feet filed as I am an old bird now and need my sleep - but just goes to show that good memories do last from this age. Have a lovely time with your girl x

Yeah seriously! There's likely going to be a time where you have to suck it up and work with people like that, but doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to socialise with or host them!! Especially not at this age.

Yes I would.

I agree with all of this.

I would have been so upset if my mother had even considered inviting my bully to our home.

Sounds like you found a good compromise OP.

What the girl did is really not au fait with the sisterhood, not your daughters fault if a boy likes her, especially when she's not remotely interested anyway! The additional name calling and bullying also decidedly uncool, and the parent allowing their child to rescind an invite which then purposefully alienates them...bleugh!!! Can completely understand why you would want to help DD through that. Sadly these people exist throughout life, and so teaching your daughter to stand tall and do something else that day feels like a positive foundation for future, even better that her friend wants to come along and is standing with her.

Think with the bullying, if you were having an end of term celebration then this girl wouldn't be invited anyway regardless of the drama with her party. I think you just do you, have your pre end of term celebration, invite who your dd wants to invite, enjoy the day after term ends together and try to put everything to do with the girl out of your minds. Being resilient and not letting these people get to you is a life skill I wish I'd learned sooner. Now I'm confident in my own skin, people like this creating drama is such a non event (honestly a year ago a school mum wasn't talking to me and I was oblivious till someone else told me! Was revolutionary compared to a decade ago where i was hyper sensitive to the opinions of others), if only we could inject that sort of mindset into younger people. Would make preenage and teenage years so much more bearable!

I would only do it if it didn't clash and everyone is invited.

Agreed.

What's also shocking is that nobody here has the full details, yet folk are piling in - whoop whooping at the thought of a child being humiliated.

Absolutely not saying this is the case here (before I get jumped on). But, many years ago, there was a very similar thread on here by a mum whose daughter had been left out of a party.
MNers got whipped up into a frenzy, baying for the "mean girl", ramping up all manner of revenge for the hurt caused to the Op's DD - who, of course, was a lovely girl.

As it happened, I knew the Op of that thread, as my DD was in that very class.
Oh, believe me, the whole shitshow was completely different to how the Op had presented it!

Just worth bearing in mind when there are kids involved.

Yes great idea! Why should your daughter sit at home crying?! It is not her fault. The friend is being very cruel and mean. Let her host a fab party and enjoy herself! They'd have to be on the same evening, the day they break up from school.

To be fair @freddiewini you didn't tell us about the name calling in your OP - we thought this girl had a nuts mum who was teaching her DD poor life decisions.

Glad you are doing the party on a different day.

Hope the DC have lots of fun.

Ok sorry, that wasn't impression I got from original post, i thought your friend was encouraging you to have a party because you have a pool do would be better! Sorry for misunderstanding...

Does your DD have friends from the class who aren’t invited or attending the other party? I wouldn’t be trying go draw people away from the other party except DD’s bf. Have none of her friends stood up for her or declined the other event after the bullying? I’m not sure I’d want any kids who have supported the bullying.

I agree, find your inner Michelle Obama...way cooler!! Take your dd out somewhere special instead, het a takeaway so she's not sad whatever and just make peace with fact sone people are dicks, but dont be a dick yourself!

What thie girl and her mum did was super mean, and I'd be really upset and annoyed, but having a party specifically to exclude some sounds way mean!! Not sure you're teaching you daughter to rise above tbh...more real mean girl vibes going on (let's show her who's more popular and richer with out big pool and house!! Nasty!)

Awful, isn't it?

I mean, I'd be livid and upset for my child, but this baying for blood and encouraging equally spiteful behaviour from OP 's DD, is pretty shocking.