Dd(10) uninvited from party

Yeah definitely - I've seen it at 7.

Teacher encouraging op to sabotage the other party?

This thread is pretty depressing .....

Hmm... I'm all for kindness but actually in this scenario I think I'd do what you suggest, even if your DD only gets a couple of friends coming over.

It would be easy for others to justify boycotting mean girl's party by saying that she's been really horrible and they are staying away out of solidarity for your DD.

If the mother complains you just say 'You forced my hand - I didn't want to.'

You've missed my point, I was talking about unintended consequences, but nevermind 🫠

As a pp said, no adult woman would be encouraged or guilted into inviting someone who's treated her badly, to a party. So why should a child have to?

Yes, and the repercussions for mean girl is that she doesn’t get invited to nice girl’s party? I also think there are repercussions to being a doormat as well. Speaking from experience.

Well exactly that's why I don't get the point of throwing a party and inviting everyone except 'mean' girl. But all I'm saying is it could also have repercussions

@Isitreallysohard They are all going off to secondary school - they will likely form new friendship groups anyway. You can't live your life worrying about not including nasty kids in case they bully you. The fact is that if OP throws another leaver's party on a different day (which she is planning), then her dd gets to celebrate end of primary with her friends. It isn't stopping the other girl from having her party too.

Also what happens later OP? If mean girl is a proper mean girl aren't you putting a target on your DDs back? What if mean girl is popular girl in another school year? Perhaps think about some of the unintended consequences. By all means have a party and don't invite her, but you can approach it in different ways, some will make you come across much worse then others. Personally I'd say this "gossip" will spread like wildfire, and I'd be encouraging my DD to avoid both girls

Can't believe you are a teacher encouraging this behaviour.
Surely working in a school you see these fall outs all the time. It's always the girls who have these issues.

Questions for @freddiewini Why didn't the school organise a leavers event? Is it because this year group are known as being challenging? Or based on this thread, the parents are challenging?
Schools near me generally support organising a party to make sure all children are included (as going back to the OP not all children have been). Staff don't attend but they facilitate the communication between parents and not all will know each other.
Though from a friend I know it does still become bitchy as even though the party is for everyone you still get groups trying to out do each other with hiring a limo but only for certain children.

Also you mention DD being bullied by this other girl. What has been done about that? Like everything there is usually two sides to every story. You say your DD is more popular, you mention you have a pool so could do a pool party, so does she also lord it over the others that she is better than them? There is clearly more than just one fight over a boy going on here.

In general I am sure it's the parents who get overly involved and wind up situations that are likely to blow over if children were left to sort it out themselves.
For all we know mean girl might not have said anything about DD not going, it could all be the mum.

Are you prepared for the invitees not turning up and choosing the other party? The kids might want to but as you’ve noticed, it’s the parents that have the power…

do yours earlier and invite the girl

doing later after school is done is a sure way of not having people come as once school is out, association with school is done (if it were me)

Wow...such wit.
Such a way with words. I'm so in awe you've completely changed my mind.

Dramatic much 🙄

So even more chidlren get the joy of this experience.
The OPs daughter had this dangled in front of her and then ripped away. The OP would just be stepping in to cover the gap caused by someone else.

Obviously the girl wouldn't be invited...you dont invite someone who hurt you to your home, that's common sense.

Bitchy? To create your own happiness and contentment outside of the control of others?

Why are you teaching your daughters to be doormats and welcoming abuse in relationships?

The whole class wasn't invited, although many are suggesting that OP invite the whole class but not this girl. Says alot, why women tear themselves apart over a men except in this case they are 10 year old kids 😣 What are you teaching your daughters, sad! And it is extremely bitchy behaviour. Both of these women will look like a joke to all the other (normal) parents, no one will think good on OP. So many of the responses on here are bordering on hysterical 🤣

So every other child gets the memory of an end of primary party....but the OPs daughter?

I haven’t read the whole thread, just the gist and op’s replies, but my first thought upon reading the op was that this would be petty revenge and without knowing the full story I think it would be unwise to provoke further issues. If your dd has a birthday next month, op, I would have a party then. By all means don’t invite the girl (I understand your anger, I’d be furious too) but at least it won’t seem quite so tit for tat if you bide your time. Revenge is after all a dish best served cold.

it might also give your dd and this girl time to resolve any fall out because I seem to remember girls that age fall out one day and are best friends the next. I completely see why you don’t want this girl in your house op but as the adult I do think you should be the bigger person here. 😬

Mean girl and mean mum would not be sitting at home thinking “aren’t nice girl and nice mum so kind, I feel terrible about uninviting this girl and teasing her and to think I said it was just kids being at that age”. They will absolutely not be thinking this, they would show up with not a smidge of apology, just being entitled a-holes. Have a party, have a great one!

No, it's not being the bigger person to teach a girl to tolerate abuse and welcome trauma.
Teach girls to hold boundaries, to not accept being treated poorly and to know that they and their feelings matter more than someone else's.

She isn't responsible for her bullies feeling and poor choices.
And i know I'd feel better and more empowered knowing that I chose me and myself over someone who would openly hurt me.

Ok, let’s take the kids out of this, say it’s a group of school mums, should mean mum who uninvited another mum A be invited to party that mum A is having on a different day. Screw that. Have your party, don’t invite the mean girl and should this result in a re-invitation in exchange for including that little
girl then that’s up to you guys.

Ive made my daughter do the “right thing” before and honestly the mean kids just keep on being mean and the mums ignore it, and carry on. I say have your party and don’t invite mean girl.

Nah you absolutely should do this. Teach the little cow a lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if the boy the friend likes was the first to accept the invitation. So rather shot herself in the foot there.

It's definitely not on you to "be the better person" or any such nonsense, people can make up their own minds if they want to come to yours or not. Don't let your daughter be treated like a doormat.

I'd have it definitely. Do it on a different day & invite all the class.

If you get kickback from the other mum just say you didn't want your DD to miss out on a leaver's party so are doing your own, no worry, it's on a different day.

I absolutely believe we should teach our kids to be proactive without being nasty. Too many times we sit in the corner and cry & the bullies win!! That's not the high road, imo.

Throw a “pool party” on a different day. DD gets to invite anyone she wants, she doesn’t have to invite the mean girl. It stops this escalating & appearing spiteful. (Just make sure your party is better 😂).

That sounds awesome, a really memorable fun time for everyone.