Dd(10) uninvited from party

Your poor daughter! I also have no idea girls are interested in boys at that age, I certainly wasn't!

The other girl and her mother are behaving poorly. Speak to your DD's school about the name-calling so that can be stopped.

Holding a "rival" party at the same time as the other girl's would be mean.

Holding another party a few days before/after is of course fine. Are there others in mean girl's group who are joining in with the name calling/cheerleading the mean girl or just that DD is not close friends with? Inviting a smaller group of DD's friends to a party helps secure your DD's bonds with her friends, lets them have fun together and avoids any concerns that you/DD are stooping to this girl's level.

Exactly ! My mum was like these posters - she'd definitely have forced me to invite my bully to a party. In fact, she often did. She loved to feel all morally superior by acting like this. I'd have loved to have a mum who stood up for me and protected me and made me feel like my feelings matter and that they were in my corner. That's how OPs daughter will feel if she has the party and doesn't invite a horrible bully who verbally abuses her. I really pity thr children of the posters who say they'd force their child to invite their bully to their party.

Umm no - she's arranging a party because if she doesn't then her child will be the only person who doesn't experience any leavers party because her bully has excluded her. How is that fair? If OP has no party than neither does OP's daughter and she will feel gutted and left out.

I would never invite someone who has disinvited to me to a party because some man, who I had no interest in fancied me. And then had the audacity to call me names at work.

I have many lovely friends I don't have time or energy for bullies.

There have been many normal (rational) responses amongst the braying for blood lot.

I would have the party the same day. I would deliberately not invite the bully. Why are there so many parents who don't want to stand up for their child on this thread? it's so bizarre.

Thank you a normal person!! 🫡

Yes, great idea to invite ten girls, who are not invited to the other party, to a lovely pool party sleep over.

If it is a different night - you could include some of the other girls and maybe even the mean girl (but only for the pool party bit for her).

Yes definitely do it but invite the mean girl too.

That would be going high to her going low.

I was bullied at school and no way would I want them in my home. I think your resolution to the issue as per your update is a sensible one.

Do it!!!! 100%. Make sure it is bigger and better. I'd go fully over board and spend a fortune just to be a bitch and make sure the other girls party looks crap in comparison bit then when someone upset my child I turn a bit evil

I would have the party.. I would invite the whole class excluding anyone who is mean and bullies her. If its that one girl the so be it. She's entitled to have a party without the anxiety of her bully coming. If the bullies mum says anything I'd say sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to people calling them ugly and bullying them. Your girl doest have to be kind to her bully. I'd also do something o. The day of the party with your DD and her best friend.

WTF is wrong with people expecting OP to invite a child who has bullied her daughter? It's no wonder there are so many posts on here of people complaining about being treated like absolute door mats. Absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, don't listen to the the holier than comments. This is not about excluding someone- it's about making up to your DD being excluded. Go ahead with your party!

I'd do the pool party, make it fabulous, but also invite the other girl. It will make the child & mother think about their behaviour but you also get to take the high ground.

Yes! Go ahead. If the mum says anything just repeat "you know what girls that age are like"..

You can look at it that way.

I see it as, DD got her hopes up about a cool party. That was cruelly taken away and so the OP has stepped up to return her daughters happiness.

The timing of the party is important. It's an end of primary party.
The fact she can cater to more isn't her problem.
She doesn't have to limit the guest list for any reason.

It's fine to suggest to your daughter that if someone is mean to her she does NOT have to be friends with the nasty person

I think its another level to deliberately engineer a party at the same time as nasty girls party to take away from nasty girls party vibe. That's stooping very low. As low as nasty girl imo. And its teaching your daughter to be nasty

Have a party. Another time. Dont invite nasty girl because she's no longer a friend.

I think you have the party OP.

Your daughter was excited to go to a leavers party and now she's the only girl not going, and she had initially been invited so had been excited for it- she deserves a party!

And what happiness does her daughter get from that?

Skip the tit for tat party. Cancel the Dominoes and drinks.

Choose a favourite charity and make a contribution.

10 year olds? Boys? A swimming pool?

Oh dear, find something else to worry about.

It would be one thing if OP’s daughter was already due to have a party (etc upcoming birthday), and OP and DD decided not to invite this other girl. That would be quite understandable/reasonable.

Ditto, to want to do something nice for OP’s daughter to cheer her up after being disinvited and missing out.

But to organise a party the main/only purpose of which is to exclude a 10 year old, and to rub her (and her mother’s) face in it?!

Yep that’s stooping to the same shitty, petty, relational bullying level of the other mum and daughter.

Sloe hand clap for anyone that thinks that’s the solution here.

Yep.