Dd(10) uninvited from party

The girl does, this is exactly my point. You've given the girl power.

Can you not see how sad you sound? You'd spend a fortune to spite someone who doesn't think much of you and probably won't care or notice? Do you really not care what you are teaching your kids?

Me neither but my, at the time, best friend was mad about boys. I can still remember her saying let’s go to such n such restaurant (it was a bistro type place, an odd choice) and meet boys, we were TEN! The thought terrified me (we didn’t go) but she was a very precocious child (this was back in the early 70s, so no TikTok or SM influences, and an only child so no older sister influence). We lost touch after primary but I sometimes wonder where her teenage years took her. She wasn’t really mean though but quite bossy.

I’ve just remembered a mum telling me her daughter and friend had fallen out because they both liked my son (he was about 8) he was horrified as he wasn’t interested in girls then and very reserved. Horrified at the idea girls fancied him, not by the fallout 😁).

My Mum made me invite a girl to my birthday party who had been bullying me. She said what quite a few people in this thread had done. The party was awful for me, I felt so uncomfortable, didn't want to be there, felt upset everytime I saw this other child and have always said I would never put a child of mine through that.

Well, hope the boy doesn’t get wind of the power he wields.

DO IT!!!! Let her have the BEST end of year party!!!!!

I would also take her out somewhere fun when the other party is taking place. Maybe dress shopping or decorations for her party.

We have done this before. It is a good life lesson for the other girl and her mother. It’s extremely poor form to uninvite someone unless for a very good reason such as bullying.

Having your own party teaches dd resilience.

Do it!! DO NOT try and take the moral high ground and invite the other girl. Why on earth would you do that? Hopefully the OG hears about it and realises her actions have consequences.

Fuck the 'be kind' twats.
Have your party and have a great time!

All these #be kind or be the better person posts are making me want to throw my phone in anger 😡
Why the fuck should this little girl be kind to a child who has attempted to make her last days of primary school miserable?
Why should Op teach her dd to be a doormat all in the name of being “nice”???

You all think that bully girl and her cronies will suddenly get an invite to dd’s party and realise their wrongs and feel instantly guilty?
They won’t, they’ll see it as an invitation to keep dishing it out because dd will keep being “nice” to them.
life doesn’t work like a Disney film.

Op has already agreed she isn’t organising a clashing party (which would be tempting but probably a step too far) but there’s absolutely no reason why dd shouldn’t celebrate the end of term the way she wants to.
She shouldn’t sacrifice her own happiness so that the bullies don’t get upset.

She shouldn’t. Do the party OP.

You’re not “being spiteful”. You’re replacing the experience that your DD would have had but the other parent took away from her. And I do blame the other parent because she should have told her daughter not to be so ridiculous.

And why invite a bully into your home? Honestly some posters seem to care more about “keeping up appearances” than their own kids’ wellbeing.

Completely agree with all of this. Scary times.

The original post said the girl uninvited her when she realised that a boy she fancied - fancied the O PS daughter and then started being mean to her and bullying her.

If my child had been invited to a party by someone who was actively mean to them (and a 'bully') , think I'd have suggested they don't go to the party from the outset? Then the uninviting would not have been an issue.

Bit mean girl to go to a party of someone you don't like (and who is mean to you/bullies you) just because everyone you're more popular (sorry 'liked') and everyone else is?

Wonder if this is more the mean mums trying to out do the less popular/affluent mums (we'll show them who has the best party, best house with a pool no less and child is most popular)...

If it were me I’d do it to make sure my DD gets to go to an end of years party as well. Op’s daughter would have been really excited, to be disinvited and then bullied is shit. Why should OP’s DD have a shit end of year, she’s not done anything wrong.

Also why teach your DD to be a bloody doormat, if they aren’t nice to you then you have absolutely no obligation to be nice to them. Anything other than this sets up people pleasing. I know because my mum definitely made me into a people pleaser. Fuck that, it’s horrible, you feel like a coward all the time.

Go for it OP, I hope your DD enjoys her party, she has nothing to feel bad about.

All this rise above it and invite the girl wtf. This is just setting up a lifetime swallowing your feelings and taking shit you don't deserve. The other girl has got the excuse of being 10 and hopefully will learn. Uninviting your daughter was bad enough but name calling and bullying -why should your daughter have anything to do with her? Would the people who said rise above it invite someone who'd made disparaging rude remarks to them into their house? I certainly wouldn't and I wouldn't expect my child to.
Id have some choice words to say to the mother as well when she said you know what girls that age are like . I'd tell you yes well I know what my child's like But unfortunately yours seem to be a bully who's made disparaging remarks to mine all week and you feel that this is fine. If my child had uninvited another child and called them names I would threaten to cancel their party until they 'd apologised profusely and meant it and be prepared to follow this through.

The child and the mother need to learn their actions Or in the mother's case inactions have consequences.

For me going high is about taking the time to step back, consider where I want to be and how I want to feel, taking a longer view. It’s is about being kind - to me. Looking after my interests, not being reactive. Being strategic. Sometimes it means doing something that in that moment I don’t really want to

OP and her daughter are justifiably hurt and offended.

What would they both like? A happy summer, a positive end to primary school, looking forward to secondary school, learning to manage unpleasant, unkind behaviour? Or an escalating, tit for tat squabble

I have to disagree with this. I think I would have been physically sick if my bully was in my house.

I am struggling honestly that we are talking about 10 year olds here. My daughter was playing with dolls at 10. The idea a parent would disinvite a child because her daughter was upset a boy ‘fancied’ her….
i’d be honestly going off at the other parent about how utterly weird and inappropriate that is.

i can’t see why you shouldn’t have a party- why should your daughter miss out?

Is "going high" the new #bekind - or is it just in this thread it has been said ad nauseum so much?

Going high/ #bekind = women who spend their adult lives being people pleasers

Have the party. Good for you for standing up. for your DD. I hope you bring the bullying up with the school though. Unacceptable and needs sorting.