Dd(10) uninvited from party

This is the kind of thing I would want to do and my DH would talk me down. It is petty and bitchy, but I totally see why you want to do it.

On account of the fact you have a pool, I suspect you will win the popular vote. I know if definitely want to go to the house with the pool.

Two wrongs don't make a right. How is doing it back teaching anyone a lesson. It just descends into pettiness all round. Tit for tat. Isn't it better to talk to the teacher about name calling and bad behaviour. I always think distancing yourself from idiots is the best answer to bad behaviour.

Haha! Do it!

If there's ever a perfect time to be petty af, it's the final week of primary school. Your DD never has to associate with that girl again. Even if they're at the same secondary school, they'll be just one of dozens if not hundreds.

Don’t do an overlapping party, you’ll be teaching meanness is the response to meanness. Be the better person.

Of course have a party; the best party yet, the party that no one will ever forget.
And of course don't invite the bully
By all means have it shortly before, so those attending both compare the bully's party unfavorably to your daughter's. It is quite petty but no doubt satisfying.

But don't hold a competing party on the same day, that is incredibly mean (and may backfire) these are 10/11 year olds, the bully obviously has confidence issues and is immature, hopefully she will grow out of it without being traumatized.

Also the number of grown women on here relishing in the vision of a little girl sitting at home with a lonely cake and no one to play with because they are all at OP's house is a bit sick

Why should your daughter not get to go to an end of year party? I think organising one for this weekend now your daughter has been uninvited from the other party seems reasonable and she should invite whoever she likes.

Because it would teach her daughter how not to be a c#$t. It would teach her about resilience, self respect, kindness, and not retribution.

OP that would be a childish and arsehole thing to do. Don't do it. Find something else.

Absolutely do it.

Having a party on a different day to the mean girl’s party is a good idea. Not the same day! And raise the bullying with the school.

Why on earth should dd miss out on having an actual end of year party though?
She doesn’t want a meal out or a shopping trip she wants a party. She was happy to go to somebody else’s but now she can’t so she’s having her own.
I struggle to understand why dd should sacrifice her end of primary school wishes because of a boy-mad little girl’s tantrum. 🤷🏽‍♀️

the girl and her mother sound appalling.
i am glad you have organised your own party.

Doing it on the sane day is ridiculous as most parents will honour the commitment to the first party and probably choose a birthday party over a leavers. Definitely do it the day before or immediately after and use the time of the first party to plan her party with your daughter.

OP, do what is best for your DD. If my child had been bullied by another at school, no way would they be invited to a party - why would I want the bullying to continue? I think you’re doing right by your DD to let her have an end of term celebration with her friends - nothing to do with revenge, just a nice end to the school year for her and her mates.

@Tessasandersonso the OP’s daughter doesn’t get a party at all? So basically her daughter is being punished for something out of her control and she has to miss out now completely. Great early message to send to her daughter that her self worth is tied up by whether boys fancy her or not.

A last minute party 2 days before the original party, you sound 10 yourself OP.

Your DD could have celebrated with a couple of friends having a play date or trip into town.

To actually copy the other girl is sad.

What happens in high school when she's excluded?

Can you just say to the Mum that you are creating a party so that your DD can have a nice end of school celebration with her friends. That her DD is invited because you would never intentionally leave a child out but that you would prefer her not to come after all the bullying that has happend over the last few weeks and that your DD needs time to be around children that are kind to her... Or something along those lines?

Nope, i wouldnt have a revenge party. It sends all the wrong signals to your daughter. There will be other situations in the future where you wont have the control to kick back so hard against the bullies and this will just make your DD more vulnerable.

If it was me i would accept the support of her best friend and invite her over for an amazing day together. Her not going to this other girls party shows strength, friendship and solidarity. Above all else it also shows that you dont have to be petty against someone who is trying to be valid in your daughters life.

Bullies and their enabling parents tend to try to take up headspace in their victims heads and thrive on it. Move on and ignore. Chances are when the other kids hear how much fun the girls had they will be gutted they went to the bullies house.

Bully and her mum wont have any ammunition to have a go at you as you just did your own thing.

OP, have the party for your DD and definitely do not invite the bully. Ignore all the comments about 'taking the higher ground and inviting her', because this will only teach the bully that there are no consequences for her behaviour, so you'll be doing her no favours (or any others she gets to bully going forward). I'm shocked that so many seem to think it's o.k. to invite a bully into your home and play nice. Bizarre! Hope your DD has a lovely party with her lovely friends. x

I hate this kind of thing. The little sod. Invite her to the party too, then lock her in your cellar.

Agree 100%

There seems to be an expectation with some for youngsters to embrace and overlook behaviour that adults wouldn’t accept for a second.

I don’t spend time socialising with people who are horrible to me. Why should my children?

It’s fine for dd to have a party on a different day.

I was super bullied in my first 3 years of
secondary school. Even had a party for my 15th where no one came - but my scouts friends and my cousins came which saved the day and my self esteem. I remember fishing my pencil case out the bin.

as much as I hate bullies of any shape or form, and as Much as I hate mean people, to this day I go high not low.

bullies work on the asumption that they can flatten you. As soon as they realise they cant, they ve got no more power over you. I genuinely feel sorry for bullies and it shows on my face, what they must be going through in their lives to be like that must be hard.

my “revenge” for lack of a better word is always go high and then higher.
keep your friends close and your enemy closer.

i get that you dont want this girl in your house and you re protecting your daughter. But you ve got to model strength to her: you are not mean and you can let it slide and maybe forgive (not forget) because you know she s mean, possibly immature and insecure, and you re above that because your values are higher. Yes maybe some
people might think it s worst and quite passive aggressive but thats my way to dealing with bullies and this is what I tell my children.

in our families stand-byers and bullies are as bad as each other and no tolerance.

then if girl carried on, i would carry building my child strength and confidence to challenge bullies of any shape or form. It take a long time, it s hard but it works I promise you.
my children have challenged a few of those and I am so damn proud

No it teaches petty minded greed.

The lesson that the whole world is not set up for her, that people can be unkind and sometimes you just have to leave em to it.

That money and stuff and shit food won't solve your problems any more than bleating to the teacher and having a pool will.

The happiness that comes from knowing your parents love you and you have helped other people.

Awful isn’t it! Not inviting the girl to dd’s party is understandable but the lengths some mums are willing to go to for revenge is startling and depressing, all in the name of being a ‘good’ mum.

Having a party on another day and not inviting the bully, with no added drama or fanfare about it, is a totally rational and understandable thing to do.