To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

If she doesn't want DC then she should tell him. I'd be telling her I'm not prepared to lie to my brother or see her lying to him so she tells him it you do.

My loyalty to my brother would easily outweigh the feelings I might have towards someone who might literally become an ex-member of the family and a basic stranger to me - absolutely. Not to mention, she's clearly in the wrong.

I would say to her, you tell him or I will - I won't let you deceive my brother. And accept the fall out as being less bad than this woman depriving your brother not only of potential children, but of a marriage in which he is treated with decency, honesty and respect.

Is this a reverse?

I couldn't let my brother live in vain hope, perhaps thinking that he was infertile and maybe lose the chance to be a father. I'd tell his partner that and say that if she didn't tell him the truth, I'd feel obliged to say something. It's hard to understand why she thought it was ok to tell you. Does she have siblings? Can she understand the implications of what she's doing? It's a huge deception.

But that's the whole point of the thread. The OP's brother is telling her they're trying for a child and he's so excited. The OP's SIL is saying she is using contraception but "ssh don't tell him". The OP is worried that the SIL is lying about TTC.

Did you misunderstand the original post?

I don't take someone not wanting a pregnancy as tricking someone. Unless they're literally lying to the person's face that they want TTC while not wanting to.

The double standard:

I say it's not ok for a wife to trick her husband. You say we shouldn't "get involved in other women's contraception choices."

I ask is it ok for a man to trick his wife. You say "of course not".

Honestly that's so cruel on her part. PP says her body etc but to be deceitful is pretty low.
I just don't understand woman who think its okay to lie about contraception either way.

Give me an example of my 'double standards' please? I said I made an assumption and it could be wrong.

What wonderful double standards you have.

There is nothing in OPs story that hints at the brother being abusive. If nothing else, why would the SIL be giggling and telling people if she was terrified of her husband finding out?

In any case, the OP can first talk to SIL and warn her that she'll be telling the brother. That way the SIL has a chance to share her side of the story.

But helping a woman to lie and steal years, potentially a lifetime, of being a father from this man is horrific. I truly don't understand why you and other posters think it is ok to do this to anyone, man or woman.

It’s certainly her body, her choice. However, she does need to communicate that choice with her partner who believes they’re actively trying for a family. If she doesn’t want kids, he may want to move on to someone who shares his values like having a family for instance.

In answer to the last part no. Of course it's not.

I guess I'm running with the assumption that the woman doesn't feel able to tell her husband she doesn't want a child. Why? Then I'd go to the feeling he could be coercive or bullying. As normally you'd hope she'd just be able to say no, I'm not wanting a kid.
I could of course be wrong.

Say nothing, you could put her in danger. What if there is some reason why she is holding off breeding with this man? May be she is working out a way to extract herself from the situation.

You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Some people are good at masking.

The SIL can use whatever contraception she wants. What's not ok is lying about it to her husband.

I can only imagine the emotional pain the brother is going through. Really wanting a child, hoping each month that this will be the one, the crushing disappointment when it comes to nothing, the worry that there's something wrong with him.

It's immoral to lie and put someone through that. Do you think it would be ok if the brother had a secret vasectomy and yet pretended to his wife that he really wanted a child?

It's not OP's place to get involved in other women's contraception choices.

I said 'If...he was an abusive cunt'. Not that he definitely was one. I've never met him.

What an utterly ridiculous comment
She is not being honest with her husband

If his wife is really on contraception without your brother knowing then that’s pretty abhorrent. I would tell him, tbh. Your loyalty is to him.

His life, his choice. He wants kids, she doesn't. That's fine if they're both honest. They can find a compromise or break up. What is never ok is lying to your partner, pretending to want kids while actually doing everything you can to prevent having them. Anyone who does this is a deeply immoral person.

I mean in your position I’d have told my db within 30seconds of hearing it. I wouldn’t otherthink.

I’d appeal to her better nature and say how upset my brother/her husband seems. I wouldn’t accuse her, I’d put it delicately even if I felt angry about it so it didn’t sour our relationship.

OP you have to tell your brother or give her the ultimatum to tell him herself. Family always come first. Not only that but the relationship is based on lies. Your poor brother imagine the psychological impact if wanting a child, choosing to have and want a family then thinking maybe is there something wrong with me? Why isn't it working? Am I the problem? Its disgusting the fact she giggled and laughed too. If your brother finds out u kept this from him it would ruin ur relationship what a vile person he is with of she doesn't want kids just say it or if she's not ready just tell him and have the conversation. I'm disgusted by this girl but please don't keep ur brother in the dark

I wouldn’t say anything.She has made the decision for a reason.

Only read the first page but everyone saying she should tell her brother bought another thread to mind where the lady she was from Pakistani heritage & was being abused physically & emotionally she was going to try & see her doctor to prevent pregnancy, so I would be very hesitant in offering advise to OP imagine if the OP told then the husband hurts his wife, this is only one side of the story.

I would be telling my brother he needs to talk to his wife. I expect it’s one of those situations that his wife went into thinking she could get away with for a bit and then it carried on. He isn’t going to be happy I expect. The bigger question is why did she do it.