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Original poster

To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

306 replies

MyameVyce · 13/07/2025 18:41

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

OP posts:
Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 15:05

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:54

Creepy wouldn't be my first choice of word. "Toe curlingly twee" would be mine.

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Obviously you’d use a phrase you didn’t find twee. Point is that it’s not creepy to discuss with your siblings the fact that you want to have children and are trying to make that happen. Some people discuss these things with their families, it doesn’t make them creepy. It’s such a strange word to use.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:54

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 14:49

I nearly asked the same question if it’s any help, because it seemed an odd take. Why shouldn’t you tell your siblings that you’re trying for a baby? If you’re close to each other and talk about important things in your life. It’s certainly not “creepy”.

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Creepy wouldn't be my first choice of word. "Toe curlingly twee" would be mine.

MsDDxx · 14/07/2025 14:54

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

Ridiculous advice.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:53

Thatsalineallright · 14/07/2025 14:46

I just asked a question, I didn't demand answers or attack. Don't know why you're being so snippy.

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Why ask your question if you didn't expect an answer? Do you have a problem with different points of view?

I find the "ooh we're trying for a baby" discussions toe- curling. I have a child so does my sibling.

Bigcat25 · 14/07/2025 14:52

I would 100 percent tell him. She's perpetuating a an extremely serious deception on your brother. You can't just stand by.

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 14:49

Thatsalineallright · 14/07/2025 14:46

I just asked a question, I didn't demand answers or attack. Don't know why you're being so snippy.

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I nearly asked the same question if it’s any help, because it seemed an odd take. Why shouldn’t you tell your siblings that you’re trying for a baby? If you’re close to each other and talk about important things in your life. It’s certainly not “creepy”.

Thatsalineallright · 14/07/2025 14:46

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:38

Yes to both questions (not that it's any of your business)

I see you've no thoughts on the OP blabbing and gossiping to her best friend about a matter which absolutely is not the business of the best friend.

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I just asked a question, I didn't demand answers or attack. Don't know why you're being so snippy.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:42

Daleksatemyshed · 14/07/2025 14:07

Do you like your DSIL , or more importantly does she like you? If you tell your DB what she said and it's not true then this could blow up in your face Op

OP are you going to tell your brother you've already gossiped about this to your friend?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 14:38

Thatsalineallright · 14/07/2025 13:35

I'm curious, do you have any siblings yourself? Are you on good terms?

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Yes to both questions (not that it's any of your business)

I see you've no thoughts on the OP blabbing and gossiping to her best friend about a matter which absolutely is not the business of the best friend.

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 14:19

Daleksatemyshed · 14/07/2025 14:07

Do you like your DSIL , or more importantly does she like you? If you tell your DB what she said and it's not true then this could blow up in your face Op

If SIL made it up that would be really odd. But whether or not it’s true, if it all blows up that is not on OP. She shouldn’t have to keep this secret from her brother for fear of that.

Imagine she DOESNT tell him. They “try for a baby” for years and he gets more and more sad about it, and then one day he finds out wife has been on birth control the whole time. He comes to his DSis for comfort who then lets slip that she knew all along and hadn’t told him…

Daleksatemyshed · 14/07/2025 14:07

Do you like your DSIL , or more importantly does she like you? If you tell your DB what she said and it's not true then this could blow up in your face Op

Thatsalineallright · 14/07/2025 13:35

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 11:56

Each to their own and depends how it's said. Vague ,"yes I'd like children some day" ok but I find talking about "trying for a baby" a bit cringe-making.

But aside from that OP had no business blabbing to her best friend about any of this.

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I'm curious, do you have any siblings yourself? Are you on good terms?

OldLondonDad · 14/07/2025 12:54

MyameVyce · 13/07/2025 18:41

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

He's your brother, not just some friend. So yes, I think you can and should tell him.

Mookie81 · 14/07/2025 12:53

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/07/2025 07:05

Murdering children isn't the same as keeping female reproductive choices and medication confidential.

HTH.

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Shes not a medical professional, she has no obligation to keep anything confidential and her loyalty is to her brother.
HTH.

Flossflower · 14/07/2025 12:49

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 11:56

Each to their own and depends how it's said. Vague ,"yes I'd like children some day" ok but I find talking about "trying for a baby" a bit cringe-making.

But aside from that OP had no business blabbing to her best friend about any of this.

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Exactly. So OP tells her friend, friend tells a friend…..

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 12:05

That’s your BROTHER. How could you consider keeping such an awful secret from him? And how could you discuss it with your friends before him?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 14/07/2025 11:56

LurkyMcLurkinson · 14/07/2025 11:44

I find it really really sad that you can’t imagine a sibling relationship where talking about a wish to have children is not creepy. I hope you’re ok.

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Each to their own and depends how it's said. Vague ,"yes I'd like children some day" ok but I find talking about "trying for a baby" a bit cringe-making.

But aside from that OP had no business blabbing to her best friend about any of this.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 14/07/2025 11:44

Flossflower · 14/07/2025 08:45

Maybe your SIL was joking! Perhaps it is her way of coping that she is not getting pregnant.
I find it really really creepy that your brother would discuss him and his wife starting a family with you.

I find it really really sad that you can’t imagine a sibling relationship where talking about a wish to have children is not creepy. I hope you’re ok.

KimberleyClark · 14/07/2025 11:43

LimitedBrightSpots · 14/07/2025 11:35

Everyone responds differently to different situations.

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Butt responding to her SIL in such a way that could cause massive damage and fall out if it got back to her husband? Really?

Original poster
MyameVyce · 14/07/2025 11:40

Flossflower · 14/07/2025 08:45

Maybe your SIL was joking! Perhaps it is her way of coping that she is not getting pregnant.
I find it really really creepy that your brother would discuss him and his wife starting a family with you.

What an odd comment. He's not giving me intimate details.

OP posts:
LimitedBrightSpots · 14/07/2025 11:35

KimberleyClark · 14/07/2025 11:27

I cannot imagine making this sort of joke when I was struggling to conceive. Makes no kind of sense to me. I have heard of childfree people pretending to have fertility issues to deflect questioning, back when not wanting children was seen as weird/selfish, but never the other way around.

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Everyone responds differently to different situations.

KimberleyClark · 14/07/2025 11:27

LimitedBrightSpots · 14/07/2025 09:27

This. It may even have been an ill-judged attempt at a joke when upset to brush off not being able to conceive. If the OP tells her brother that SIL is on contraceptives and then it turns out that SIL is genuinely struggling to conceive and not coping well with it, it's going to strain their relationship a lot.

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I cannot imagine making this sort of joke when I was struggling to conceive. Makes no kind of sense to me. I have heard of childfree people pretending to have fertility issues to deflect questioning, back when not wanting children was seen as weird/selfish, but never the other way around.

FairKoala · 14/07/2025 11:20

Blessthismess2 · 14/07/2025 08:01

If this were the case why would she casually give the game away with a giggle to her sister in law?? Makes no sense.
I know the evil woman casually lying to her husband about contraception is the quintessential patriarchal fantasy and all..

I’m another who thinks there is likely to be more to this story, whether it’s embarrassment about fertility or a stupid off hand comment- maybe it’s something she did once because she was tired of the disappointment, could be anything.
OP I’d tread extremely lightly before you run roughshod into your brothers marriage. Maybe start with a conversation with your sister in law.

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I’m wondering if she has found someone else who also doesn’t want children and is hoping that by letting the cat out of the bag to her dh’s sister she can get sister to pass on the message and have the conversation that will end her marriage and then when the dust clears she has (in her mind, and can spin it) someone to blame for her divorce.

Blessthismess2 · 14/07/2025 10:15

GiraffesAtThePark · 14/07/2025 10:09

I don’t understand some of these hypothetical situations.

If you’re insecure about having fertility issues why would you bring it up with people to make jokes about?

And if the brother was abusive why would you tell his sister who you’re not close to what you’re doing?

If you were so calculatedly deceiving your partner for such an extended period of time with such high stakes involved, why would you casually joke about it with his sister?

GiraffesAtThePark · 14/07/2025 10:09

I don’t understand some of these hypothetical situations.

If you’re insecure about having fertility issues why would you bring it up with people to make jokes about?

And if the brother was abusive why would you tell his sister who you’re not close to what you’re doing?