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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

306 replies

MyameVyce · 13/07/2025 18:41

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

OP posts:
Truetoself · 13/07/2025 19:15

Of course you need to tell your brother! But give her a chance to tell him first. Did she really expect you to keep this to yourself?

Fragmentedbrain · 13/07/2025 19:15

I don't really believe this happened.

Flashahah · 13/07/2025 19:13

DisplayPurposesOnly · 13/07/2025 18:52

I would tell her that I wasn't prepared to keep that secret and that I would tell my brother.

This, she either needs to tell him or you do.

Very unfair of her.

GivingUpFinally · 13/07/2025 19:12

Honestly- I wonder if she's told you so you'd tell him and she wouldn't have to. Whatever she says i wouldn't trust her she's proven a liar. This is a huge betrayal for your brother. I would tell him. Sounds like she wants out of the marriage but is too chicken shit to do it herself. I can't imagine why else she would have disclosed this to you. She's also knowingly put you in a shitty situation and is intentionally causing conflict. She's a nasty piece of work.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/07/2025 19:12

I think you have to tell him. I’d worry that she’d deny it and it would end up damaging your relationship with him. But it’s an absolutely despicable thing to do to someone and I couldn’t sit back and see my sibling treated like that. Would you tell
him if she’d confessed an infidelity?

Teenmumgoingcrazy · 13/07/2025 19:11

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

Whilst I agree with you about her body etc, lying and deceiving your husband is totally unforgivable! If you don’t want kids then that needs to be an honest conversation. Can you imagine the other way around and her losing the opportunity to have children because of his deception! It’s unforgivable.

Givenupshopping · 13/07/2025 19:10

I agree with the vast majority OP. Speak to your SIL, tell her you've been thinking about what she told you, and you think she is being extremely unfair on your brother. Tell her that if she has decided she doesn't want children, or doesn't want them yet, then she needs to tell him, and if she won't you will.

LittlleMy · 13/07/2025 19:08

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 13/07/2025 18:52

I would speak to her and tell her that you are concerned that she is lying to your brother.

100% was just going to say exact same.

This way at least you give the wife the opportunity to respond and then you can set an ultimatum by which time you will tell your brother because she’s now put you in a compromising situation. He is blood and this is no ordinary secret. What if he finds out somehow later but by then he’s in his 50s and a good chance his opportunity to have kids is forever gone?

MissyB1 · 13/07/2025 19:07

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

But the Sil didn't keep it to herself did she? She joked about it to OP - as if its funny ffs! If she wanted to keep her nasty deceitful behaviour secret she should have kept her gob shut.

OP repeat the conversation to your brother.

cannynotsay · 13/07/2025 19:06

It’s your brother, ride or die! You tell her she tells him or you do! This is a massive betrayal

susiedaisy1912 · 13/07/2025 19:06

She dumped an awful secret on you without giving you a choice. Talk to her and let her know you are extremely uncomfortable with knowing that she’s deceiving your brother. If your brother finds out years down the line when there’s still no baby he will have a hard time forgiving you

happinessischocolate · 13/07/2025 19:06

Imagine he finds out that you knew!

would that harm your relationship? Would you regret not telling him?

Cynic17 · 13/07/2025 19:05

OP, you shouldn't have told your friend - that's outrageous.
And you shouldn't tell your brother either. This is absolutely nothing to do with you - keep out of it.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 13/07/2025 19:05

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

Yes its her choice but she needs to be responsible and tell him that shes doing it! Its almost like tricking him into staying married to her, if he wants kids desperately if she doesnt then she needs to woman up and be honest and face the consequences if he doesnt want to stay.

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2025 19:04

What did you say to her when she told you?

ManchesterGirl2 · 13/07/2025 19:03

I think it's an obvious answer. Morally he is the wronged party as she is lying to him, and also your first loyalty should be too your brother rather than your sil. Unless you're worried he won't believe you?

Skyrise · 13/07/2025 19:02

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Don't keep it to yourself, OP. It's the ultimate betrayal and he should know. She wouldn't have told you if she didn't want you to tell him. She's just a coward.

Lavenderfowl · 13/07/2025 19:02

That is a wicked betrayal of the man she is supposed to love. I've been through years of infertility and it hurts like hell, every month...and she's doing it to him on purpose?! Unbelievably cruel.

2chocolateoranges · 13/07/2025 19:01

I’d be telling my sil that she is lying to my brother and that she either tells him or I do.

not a secret I’d be willing to keep from my sibling.

tripleginandtonic · 13/07/2025 19:01

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

2025ismybestyear · 13/07/2025 19:00

What sister are you? You're literally choosing your SIL over your own brother. Awful.

CarlaLemarchant · 13/07/2025 18:58

FrodoBiggins · 13/07/2025 18:50

Ugh your poor brother. I would tell my brother but I don't think it's an easy choice. Awful!

I think it’s a really easy choice. Huge betrayal. OP must tell her brother.

Cheepcheepcheep · 13/07/2025 18:56

To give her an enormous benefit of the doubt, does she know you know everything? I’m wondering if she’s trying to put a brave face on struggling to conceive.

But assuming that’s not the case - yes I agree you should tell your brother.

SparklyGlitterballs · 13/07/2025 18:54

That's an awful betrayal. I'd be telling her that you love your DB and she can't expect you to keep such an awful secret. Give her the choice of telling him herself first, or you'll do it for her.

GuevarasBeret · 13/07/2025 18:54

I think you can say “are you OK with that? It doesn’t sound like she’s really bothered about having kids if she doesn’t want to have any investigations.”