To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

It is, but it's not her choice alone. If she is actively 'trying' for a baby and is still on birth control, it's a way of manipulating the relationship to retain her husband.

For two years, she's been lying to her husband. If she genuinely doesn't want kids and knows this could be a deal breaker in their marriage, what's her endgame plan here, hoping he'll stop asking questions, not want to go down testing options, IVF, etc.

Yes, it's her body, her choice, but she's also chosen to try for a baby while still on birth control. Would you say the same if a man removed a condom, didn't tell his partner and said it's my body, my choice?

Have a little grow up.

People are not always logical or sensible and the OP suggests that SIL has a history of creating drama. She may well have said this to get attention even though not true. If SIL is what is often termed a 'drama llama', the most unbelievable part of this story would be that she could keep this up for two years without blabbing to someone or making a fuss in some way.

yup its not the choice to have kids or not, its the lie.

You tell him because if he ever finds out you didn’t your relationship is ruined. Keeping secrets from siblings ends badly. If my best friend told me this about her husband I would keep my lips shut. As I wouldn’t want to be in there marriage issues. However a sibling affect your whole family. Tell your bro and asap your best friend is right!

Yes but he should also have a choice no?? If she doesn’t want kids that’s ok, but he does and he should have the choice to leave and find someone who does want the same things.

Well my vote went the wrong way. you really screwed it by asking the question twice, different ways around.

AIBU "To tell my bro"

AIBU "to keep this info to myself?"

🙄

Why would anyone pretend to be taking birth control if they weren’t? That’s not a “silly comment”, and under the circumstances of them trying to conceive it would be a bizarre thing to say just for a laugh.

Agree.
Pretty sure this level of deception is such that even in the Catholic Church, not exactly known for a casual attitude towards separation, this would be grounds for an annulment.

why would that not be a good option? Them splitting up I mean?

What if SIL turns round and says "Yeah I made a silly comment when I was under a lot of pressure but I didn't think you'd take it seriously and I told you not to say anything anyway. How dare you interfere with our marriage when it's hard enough that we've been trying for years with no success and I've got enough to deal with? Do you have no sensitivity at all?" Which she could very well do. Where would that leave things

Personally the SIL would sound unhinged to me. I don’t think the OP should add anything, like presuming this has gone on for years etc. Just repeat what was said to her.

Many posters are very sure here, on the back of one weird, off-hand comment to the OP from her SIL that doesn't seem to have been repeated, that the SIL has been maliciously and callously conspiring to prevent the OP's brother from becoming a father over a period of years.

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't go flinging any wild accusations around without doing a bit of digging first because I'd be afraid of ending up with egg on my face (and a ruined relationship with SIL and Dbro).

What if SIL turns round and says "Yeah I made a silly comment when I was under a lot of pressure but I didn't think you'd take it seriously and I told you not to say anything anyway. How dare you interfere with our marriage when it's hard enough that we've been trying for years with no success and I've got enough to deal with? Do you have no sensitivity at all?" Which she could very well do. Where would that leave things?

Your SIL didn’t ask you if she could burden you with a horrible secret. Had she asked, you could have said no thank you, talk to your husband not to me as I don’t wish to get involved.

There was no obvious reason why she did off load to you. The way you describe it, it was almost random. She dumped the fact that she was deceiving your brother on you out of nowhere in a giggly way and then said shush don’t tell in a light and breezy way that demonstrated complete indifference to your own feelings or those of your brother.
And she hasn’t come back to you to explain herself nor to remind you to please keep it a secret.

If you didn’t promise not to tell, you are under no obligation to keep that very worrying information to yourself. If they don’t have children, it will play on your mind for ever. He could be feeling sad for her month after month while she is delighted and thinks nothing of her cruelty to him.

I would tell him you have something you feel is only right he should know as it may be affecting his future and it may be something really upsetting or it may be nothing at all. So could he please think about whether or not, he wants to hear it. I’m sure he will then ask you questions so that you can reveal exactly what was said and the cavalier way in which it was said.

I wouldn’t keep this to yourself OP. It’s far too burdensome. You have no alternative but to allow him the chance to sort out how important it is to him.

I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. This is grounds for divorce. It's every bit as bad as if he'd had a vasectomy and was lying to her about trying to get her pregnant. It's monstrous. Also the giggling? WTF?

As for the people saying speak to her... no, don't forewarn I liar. It just gives them time to prepare a better lie.

She's allowed to not want kids. She's not allowed to waste his life by deceiving him, for fuck's sake.

Nah, that doesn't fly here. Her body, her choice, fine. But what is not fine is to lie to your partner about trying for children and actively prevent it without their knowledge. You have choice over your own body, not someone else's life choices through deception.

OP I would give her the chance to tell him first, but would definitely tell if she doesn't. Just be prepared for some fall out to come your way - what a horrible position to be in.

People can’t just tell others secrets like this in the manner she’s done it and expect anything. Especially when she’s the sister and the OP is not even close to her SIL. And like others have said there’s a burden put on you with secrets like this.

Have a talk with your brother and suggest he investigates the idea of fertility checks by talking about it with his wife- if she told you, she will probably admit it to him.

She is robbing him of his chance to have kids. You absolutely must tell him.

Ridiculous statement giving the context

Hi op,

I would say that you have been told « this » from « that person ».

that will teach them both 👌

Expect he’ll from both though. Don’t get more involved. Do say that if you are now aware…who knows when your brother will?or if he is already? Also mention that same as her, you will have to say to your brother the tales being told and from who as it isn’t nice and he should know!

take popcorn. Watch the truth unfold. Don’t assume she lies. Or that he doesn’t know. Or whatever other crazy stuff!

This isn't really to do with her body, though, it's to do with her morals.
OP's brother has every right to know that his wife is actively avoiding TTC.

Well we shall have to disagree about that. If you were my sister I would not be happy about you discussing something like this about me with a friend.

It's not "stuff going in the OP's life" - it's her brother's life.

I speak to my best friends about most stuff going on in my life. I wouldn’t create a forum thread for it. What are best friends for if not to offload problems you are carrying. I would trust my friend to not tell anyone else. Doesn’t everyone do this? I wouldn’t expect my friend to be burdened by the secret as it isn’t her brother.

If they never have a child and he finds out 10-15 years from now you knew she was sabotaging the process, you will lose your brother.

I would be VERY careful about saying anything - it might lead to them splitting.
In your shoes I would be gently suggesting to my brother that he talk to his wife as I was under the impression that she wasn't as interested as him in having children...
If that fails, I would talk to the SIL and point out that its a massive betrayal on her part that, if found out, could cause serious problems; she needs to be honest about her thoughts on children to save her marriage