To think overnights at their dads will have to stop soon?

Do you now 🙄

I agree that they need their own beds, even just 2 camp beds

I don't get this logic. Camp beds are not beds, they are temporary and uncomfortable. A proper double bed is much better for a good night's sleep. A pillow wall and separate duvets.

If you share a room you don't have privacy, regardless of having a bed.

On the other hand I see a lot of threads where mum's ( not theOp. paticularly) try to stop contact for no good reason with some posters egging them on.

General opinion on mumsnet is really captured by the MRA fathers for justice movement. (As are the family courts which is scary). So they totally fail to see that most mothers just want the best for their children, and see everything through a lens where men are victims of their controlling ex.

YANBU OP. Id keep checking in with your kids at least to make sure they are comfortable with the arrangement and getting enough sleep. You can reevaluate if they start expressing discomfort. If it comes from the kids maybe your ex will start taking it seriously on his own.

I'd guess that he'll get away with it for a few more years but then the kids will become vocal about staying if they're still having to share. Perhaps they'll start alternating visits?

But I'd stay well out of it. If they're safe, fed and enjoy their Dad's company, there's a lot to be said for that.

I agree that they need their own beds, even just 2 camp beds.

But this isn’t something you can stop access for.

I would wait until they start complaining about it and then either say it to him or get them to say it to him.

I obviously don’t know his situation but it sounds like he has a chunk of money that he could easily use to make it more comfortable for when they’re there.
So he’s being selfish but he’s still providing them with a bed and roof over their heads and so no court would accept you refusing him access and you might end up creating tension and more issues.
But if they start not wanting to go because of it - then that’s a different story.

If either of the boys was inclined towards abusing the other, there would be many better opportunities than in a one-bed flat with their dad in the next room.

I think there a big difference between choosing not buy your children separate beds and not genuinely not being able to provide a separate bed. I think it would be unreasonable for your ex not to provide separate beds, even it was a bunk bed.

If their relationship is good enough they will figure it out amongst themselves like a normal family without you getting involved. Assuming dad isn’t a complete idiot.

Same-sex siblings sharing a bed is normal in many parts of the world and was normal in the UK until relatively recently. It's not idea but better than not seeing their dad. As they get older they may insist that he sorts something out and vote with their feet if he doesn't. I'd leave it.

Yet again people seeing social services as some kind of panacea that will solve all issues.

Having a father in their life is more important than having own bed- if you had issues with the overalls parenting you would have been focusing on that not the bed.

What???

My son's would rather share a bed together than be on an air bed.
The father isn't sleeping with them, they are the same sex- a large pillow down the middle, it isn't much different to sharing a box room- my sister and I couldn't walk between our beds.

@TomatoSandwiches you appear to have your own very troubling agenda. I wouldn’t dream of trespassing on your own private distress or experience but I would suggest you step away from this thread which does appear to be triggering you.

I think social services are busy enough. What a complete waste of their time this would be.

Honestly, I think that yanbu

If he was hard up because he was trying to support you living in the house with the kids, then you would be

But you gave him a decent settlement and hes just squandering the money on himself

Yanbu and were too generous imo, but that's done now x

Your just making stuff up.to suit your very weird agenda .

You are planning for a future problem which is fair given you are their mother and care about your children. Their lives with their dad will unfold whichever way it does and if he is savvy enough he will realize that the sleeping arrangement isn’t sustainable for very many more years and then if he wants to keep seeing his boys, he will have to make a plan. If his relationship with the kids is good enough they will figure it out on their own and use their own voices without you having to speak for them.

Im concerned that the potential risk is not being addressed, its not normal or appropriate for siblings this age to be made to share a bed, children deserve privacy as well.
People dismissing this concern are the ones that have a problem, get yourself heads out of the sand for your children's sake.

For goodness same there is absolutely no evidence of child on child sexual abuse apart from in YOUR head I find it really concerning that you are trying to turn a very normal situation into something sinister.

Exactly!!! Have you watched the news recently regarding homelessness. I work in a local authority. We have families in one bedroom flats. No one is going to worry about a dad, having his two boys and the sharing of a room or bed. Some of you need to look outside your middle class bubbles and see what is really happening out there. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s reality.

You are assuming that the father isn't concerned with their child's wellbeing. No evidence of this.

As I've said, the contact visits are for their father to organise, it's up to him. I'd stay well out of it otherwise you could be accused of interfering.

Because shes concerned about her children's welfare, her 7yr old has expressed discomfort about sleeping at his dad's house and sharing beds for their ages is not appropriate.
She's their parent, she has the right to question something she thinks is wrong, just like the father is entitled to do the same.

Im really shocked at how many posters think this is fine and think I am being silly or ridiculous or even making aomwthing up in my head when I have quite extensive experience in similar situations.
Child on child sexual abuse IS a thing that unfortunately happens (more than you'd think) and is why there a reason guidelines on bed sharing.

Lord forgive a parent being concerned about the wellbeing of their own child 🙄

You’re thinking of meddling, hence my comments