To think overnights at their dads will have to stop soon?

I agree. I detect an under-current of trouble making from the OP, no matter how much she protests otherwise

I really don't see why they couldn't sleep in the same bed, siblings have been doing so for hundreds of years.

If they don't like it, they will complain to him, it is really NOYB.

The evidence is that he can't be bothered to get them appropriate furniture. He sounds utterly useless.

Kindly, Yabu. Asking children if they want their own room at dad’s doesn’t mean they should get it. Otherwise, ask them if they want to go to disney land 😂

I know they are I was replying to a pp.

God just ignore these people OP.
I think most parents would have the same thoughts in your situation. People are just so unbelievably harsh on mums on here xx

I understand your concerns & in an ideal world you XH would have a house/flat with 2 or 3 bedrooms so that your DCs can have their own room/s. However, for whatever reason he's chosen not to do this. At the end of the day that's his decision & not your concern. All the evidence is that he's a loving & caring parent. How he choses to parent on his time with your DCs is not your concern. Your children will probably get to the point when they have other things going on in their lives & will want to spend more time at their home with you doing their hobbies, meeting girlfriends etc.

im not syaing long term its a good idea but some kids have to share permanently its not really worth the aggro right now

I don't think you have an agenda at all, privacy is important to children, especially as they get older. He's had the opportunity and means to make changes but he's chose not to. I wouldn't stop them going, you won't need to, they'll vote with their feet as they will naturally start to feel uncomfortable.

yes that’s fine where there is a choice

another matter entirely when it’s forced upon them

my twins regularly share a bed but they have their own should they want them.

the fact is the dad isn’t living in a hostel and this is “fairly recent” where bed sharing amongst families was common. This is 2025 where the dad got a 6 figure divorce settlement and seemingly doesn’t care about the dignity of his own children

This nails it, I expect it’s really to do with finances

I wouldn’t worry about it. My DP is in his thirties and grew up in Ireland with a LOT of siblings. He shared a double bed with 3 brothers the entire time he lived at home. It was fine, none of them are mentally scarred, all perfectly well adjusted adults who are doing very well in life. In an ideal world yes their own beds would be great but nothing bad will happen if they have to share.

I totally get how tricky this situation is, and your concerns as the boys grow are completely valid. Wanting them to have proper beds and a good night’s sleep is not unreasonable—it’s about ensuring their basic comfort and dignity as they get older.
That said, cutting off overnights might be a bit drastic right now. From what you’ve shared, their dad seems committed and consistent, which is so valuable. Many kids would love a parent who shows up regularly, even if the living space isn’t ideal.
It’s easy to feel frustrated that he hasn’t resolved this yet, especially if he had a good settlement to work with. But being self-employed can be unpredictable, particularly post-pandemic or during tough economic times. Sometimes even with the best intentions, things don’t go as planned, and he might just be overwhelmed or stuck in survival mode.
Maybe it could help to approach this as a shared challenge instead of setting a strict deadline. For instance, you could say something like, “The boys are growing and finding the current setup tough—I want to support their relationship with you, so let’s brainstorm ways to make the space more comfortable.”
Would he consider bunk beds or fold-out wall beds? A little creativity and compromise can make a big difference in small spaces. Even if he’s not open to it right away, planting the idea gently might work better than giving an ultimatum.
From an emotional perspective, having stability and time with both parents is so important for kids. If your older son seems okay and your younger one is just having some trouble sleeping, maybe small adjustments like improved bedding, blackout curtains, or earplugs could help in the short term while giving their dad time to figure things out.
Honestly, I sometimes feel that Mumsnet can be a bit harsh on fathers, even those who are doing their best in tough situations. It doesn’t always seem like the most neutral platform for balanced perspectives on shared parenting.

This sounds like a situation that is less than ideal, but nowhere near bad enough to justify stopping overnight stays with Dad. OP, did your younger DS raise the bed issue unprompted or only complain about trouble sleeping when you raised the subject of beds with him?

It’s not ideal but my dc regularly share a bed through choice (all three in a king size and all aged 13-17). 17 yo is less regular with sleep overs with her sisters because she’s out a lot. Dtds share a bed most weekends. If they were sharing a single bed that would be different but I think you’re looking for an issue the boys don’t see and putting thoughts in their minds.

Right back at you.

Schools and social.services have far more important things to do.then pander to this,there are whole families living in one room,
Kids being neglected and not being fed ,they have neither the time.or the resources to be bothered by this.

Sure. demonstrating the point I was making.

Yanbu. Of course they need their own bed. He's being a dick if he expects them to keep sharing.

So he doesn't pay child support, doesn't ensure they have beds or any space of their own in his 1 bedroom flat (instead of finding suitable accommodation with the generous divorce settlement and continuing to work sensibly) ... suspect he's riding out the child support years and socking money away while you do all the financial lifting for his children.

I'd quietly float an inquiry to your schools family's worker or social services about the bed situation and your concerns.

Surely its up to the kids? A friend of mine had a nervous breakdown and he and his wife split up amicably. He moved home but is clearly not back on his feet however he still sees his children and adores them. They come and stay with him, he sleeps in a mess of a room, they have one to share. But they love him and want to see him regardless of how they have to sleep whilst with him

Yes I do🙄