To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

Goodness, as a childless single woman I knew I was a bit of a pariah, but thanks for confirming it.

I thought this.

What an awful man your DH is.

Your DH is an arsehole

This. What a judgey thing to say when it’s clearly irrelevant to the issue. If you know she’s vegan and you are inviting her then you should cater for her ie tell her no need to bring her own food as you’ll have something available, ask her what she likes if unsure. If however she is going to bang on about veganism in front of the other guests and has form for that you shouldn’t have invited her to a bbq in the first place as that’s just plain annoying for all involved. I’m fairly big on animal rights and also a vegetarian but I’ve had to unfriend a vegan friend before as every single meal she’d make a song and dance of it - oh that ham sandwich/cheese/roast dinner looks so delicious, I just WISH I could eat it, cue other people asking why she couldn’t and the whole lengthy spiel. Infuriating and attention seeking.

So DH expects her to break her (guessing) 30 year commitment to not eating meat for your BBQ? He sounds well thick

Four love, I got Accused on this post of serving people a couple of leaves,that would be starving,I'm treating them like children
Have already said I cook veggie burgers from scratch which are completely suitable for vegans, they are extremely Labour intensive. I wonder how many posters actually cook the beef burgers from scratch!I have a friend with a serious egg allergy, which is a challenge as nothing must cross contaminated..

Yep, sounds like OP and her DH have pigeon holed this woman to death. Child free and vegan.

I don't see why the fact that she doesn't have children is relevant to anything.

If she's such an annoying preachy vegan that she is constantly going to lecture everyone about dead animals, you shouldn't have invited her to the BBQ. You did invite her, so presumably she's not that bad. In which case, not allowing her to bring her own food would be incredibly rude of you.

Fine to bring your own food. It's all very easy to say OP should have catered separately but if she's a militant vegan she won't want "her" food anywhere near the other food or in a position where some meat fumes may waft across it - separate barbecue, separate tools, separate plates. Pain in the arse, far better she brings something else.

However if she does start making remarks about dead aniumals that is very out of order.

What do her reproductive choices have to do with her food choices?

That’s what I was going to ask.

Your H is a prick, by the way @BBQDramaQueen

There's nothing weird or wrong with bringing your own food if the host isn't providing something that fits your usual diet. However, if she makes a point of saying impolite things about non-vegan food, I can see why you husband doesn't want her there. I don't want someone talking about meat being murder while I'm tucking into a burger. So it really depends on what your friend is like. I wouldn't rescind an invitation, but if she does start saying something, I'd change the subject or pull her aside and ask her to give it a rest. And I wouldn't inviter her to my meatfests again.

I have been in a similar situation although without the husband.

She refused a vegan dish I suggested and arrived with her Tupperware of beans, grains and weird sprouty things, picked and poked at it ( refused my offer to decant into a bowl) and generally cast a damper.

Also appeared to have some sort of contamination phobia as she arrived with a small backpack which she handed to me, and I set down on the floor next to her. She got very upset at that.

The poor woman had significant issues and I think the veganism was a symptom of that. I think a hearty barbecue was just too much for her.

Preaching about food choices is annoying, but bringing your own food with no expectation of others to accommodate you is far less rude than inviting someone to a bbq and giving them the choice of eating something they don’t want to or starving. Is your dh always this vile?

YABU to state it’s a “casual family bbq” then reel off a list of folks “mostly neighbours, friends, school mums and mates” as it is completely contradictory since non of these are family members.

I also don’t understand the relevance of her being child free either.

That aside, you should be catering to the needs of all your guests or not inviting them, not expecting them to cater for themselves. The friend sounds lovely offering to cater for herself saving you the hassle and cost. I imagine anything she brings will be cold or pre-cooked as I don’t know any vegetarians or vegans that would be happy having their meat free food cooked on the same grill as meat. Your DH is being a complete dick.

Clearly BBQ= just eating raw steak like Barney Rubble 😂

Your DH is an idiot. Your friend has dietary preferences, either cater for her, or let her bring her own food. He is the rude one

Your husband is a tosser. Ignore him.

I find the concept of inviting a vegan to a BBQ strange, I wouldn't do it. Mainly because if I was a vegan and saw meat as dead animals, obviously I wouldn't want to go to a party based all in that type of food. I've got vegan friends and if I invite them to mine, I only serve vegan food, I wouldn't be serving meat (even if only for my DH, DD and I).

Also curious, as well as others to know what has being child free got to do with anything?

I mean shes a vegan and if you aren't providing vegan food she should be allowed to bring something for herself it isn't fair to put her in a position where she can't eat. However if shes preachy and tries putting others off their food I'd be telling her to go home and not inviting her again.

What on earth does her being child free have to do with anything?? Both you and your DH sound pretty awful.

Let her bring her own food but make it clear that there will be lots of meat options and her preaching isn't welcome.

Are you only providing meat? Nothing else, no salad etc going to be a bit dry isn’t it😆

Let her bring her own food or provide a vegan bowl.

What is the relevance of her being child free?

It would be annoying if she came to the BBQ and spent the whole time on her soap box about how eating animals is evil whilst other people are trying to enjoy their burgers.

But if she's happy to come along, bring her own food and just socialise normally then I really don't see the issue. Your husband is being a dick.

"Would you eat a human if it was served at a BBQ?"
"Yeah, if it came with barbecue sauce."

Maybe just tell her, for once in her vegan life, to not bang on about animal rights?