To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

The Op.said her friend was very vocal about being a vegan
Which would put me off.

I also wanted to add that my stuffed mushrooms (albeit veggie, not vegan) were scoffed by vegetarians and meat eaters alike

YBU to invite a vegan and not cater for them. Especially as she’s a good friend. It’s not hard to make salads/buns everyone can enjoy alongside the meat and buy a pack of vegan sausages or burgers for the vegan. But sorry to say your DH sounds like a dick!

So your husband either hates your friend, feels he can coerce people to his view, wants to provide suitable Vegan food as a good host.
Why is her child free status relevent? Is anybody cooking their children?

I thought making a contribution to food is generally what happens at BBQs?
I hate BBQs, so not clued up on etiquette, but I wouldn't have a problem with a vegan friend bringing their own. Have you got a spare BBQ to use for her food?

Part of being vegan is to "enlighten" people. But you could ask her not to get into it this time. I'm sure she'll be OK with that.

The friend didn't even say she is planning on lecturing anyone.
OP's husband came up with that.

So to now go tell har what you advised seems really over the top.

A few points really.

First, your husband is a knob who talks out of his posterior.

Second, I’m not sure what relevance your friend being child-free has to anything.

We would cater for her. A lot of people tend to be veggie/vegan so i would have an option available anyway. I think it's quite rude that you didn't offer to cater for her when she said she would bring her own food!

This is madness. If you invite your vegan friend to the BBQ you have to provide some vegan food!

Your DH is astonishingly rude!

Came to say this! I have a family member who is vegan, I wouldn’t imagine inviting them to a bbq / meal and not catering for them

And again- does this ever actually happen? I don't eat any red meat except wild venison. I don't eat chicken, pork, crab, lobster, squid or octopus.

Unless you (general you) bang on about it , or try to make me eat any of these (" go on, it's lovely, you don't know what you're missing") you won't hear anything from me about why I don't eat.

Why don’t you just have some veggie sausages? There will surely be other people that want them

Sometimes we like to socialise and have no interest in what other people choose to eat <gasps> ----

I don’t understand this - if I invite someone into my home I do my best to cook things they would like to eat. We have a whole array of allergies and dietary preferences in my family and a few weeks ago I hosted a BBQ for 20 making sure there were things that were vegan, vegetarian, egg free, and making sure options were safe for the two with nut allergies, the one with a seafood allergy, the one with the kiwi allergy, and coeliac friendly.

They are a massive pain in the arse tbh but I invited them so I cooked veggie and vegan stuff first, made sure the fish stuff was cooked last and that everything that touched the bbq was gluten free and spoons were labelled for side dishes to prevent cross contamination. I made sure there were dessert options for everyone and that everyone attending felt catered for. I did not make anyone bring their own food or feel uncomfortable.

What a terrible host your DH is

Not wanting her to bring her own food is weird and self-centred. Saves you preparing of paying for her food even if she were not vegan, that still saves you some money. Not wanting her to come and spend the BBQ preaching about all the non-vegans are murderous sinners, is totally fair enough if you know that is what SHE is like, not just that in your opinion that is what a stereo-typical vegan would do.

Can you even trust your dh to make your guests welcome? Given his stinking attitude.

Why is it relevant that they are child free? Your DH is a dick

An adult should deftly be able to handle any conversation and especially one so benign like food. If you are uncomfortable eating animals or feel the need to explain then maybe examine your own food choices and ethics. Otherwise you just say that’s nice like any other polite person, and let it go.

Really odd to invite a vegan friend to a meal and not provide vegan food options. Of course she should be able to bring her own food if you’re not providing anything suitable, it’s not rude at all. Your DH’s comment was silly because she obviously isn’t going to eat what’s provided. I assume she’s not that preachy or you wouldn’t have invited her/she wouldn’t have agreed to come to a meat barbecue

You should be catering for her as good hosts and why are you being so rude about her child status, what does it matter?!

Yes. Preaching about how everyone should eat meat is very annoying indeed, I agree.

Your DH is being a terrible host. She’s your guest and it’s your job to ensure your guests feel welcome and are treated well.

All of this.

You and your husband should have discussed the guest list before inviting anyone. Now you cannot withdraw this friend's invitation without being, or at least appearing to be, just as rude as him (and as ignorant, if she discovers the reason). Don't invite her again, though, as it's not fair to her since she's so unwelcome.

Agreed. Not a great friend by not providing food she can eat and even worse telling her not to bring her own !!