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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

515 replies

BBQDramaQueen · 13/07/2025 11:59

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 13/07/2025 17:14

I'm searching for the correlation between childfree and lentil sausages 👀.

Anyhoo, you and your husband make an equally ridiculous pair. And I have never met a vegan that could put me off a good sausage ✋🏾

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 13/07/2025 17:14

Kingsleadhat · 13/07/2025 16:55

This has also been my experience. People notice I'm vegan and go on the attack. It's weird . I was at a party once and the waitress asked who'd ordered vegan - I stuck my hand up. The man sitting next to (I'd never met him before) turned to me and said "I fucking hate vegans". I told him I fucking hated corpse crunchers but I'll only ever make a comment about other people's eating habits if they start it

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Mine too.

m00rfarm · 13/07/2025 17:14

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/07/2025 17:13

Might not need cooking or maybe the oven?

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Very true.

Evaka · 13/07/2025 17:13

Mind blown. Your husband is clearly 12 years old and has zero manners.

You should be providing vegan food for her at the bbq. Hosting 101.

Suspect you're well suited as a couple given how much of a song and dance you're making of her child free status which has fuck all to do with bbqs/mest/vegan diets.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/07/2025 17:13

m00rfarm · 13/07/2025 17:11

How is she going to cook it without it touching the meat? And definitely, if she is going to be preachy, then tell her not to come. Otherwise, no reason she should not bring her food.

Might not need cooking or maybe the oven?

m00rfarm · 13/07/2025 17:11

How is she going to cook it without it touching the meat? And definitely, if she is going to be preachy, then tell her not to come. Otherwise, no reason she should not bring her food.

esem · 13/07/2025 17:09

well they wont be will they - if they bring their own

pestowithwalnuts · 13/07/2025 17:09

So you know she's preachy and you still want her to come .?
Aren't you bothered that your friends will be a captive audience and have to listen to droning and preaching about veganism ,?
I'm sure they'll love it..lol

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/07/2025 17:08

Your husband is a dick. Is he usually this controlling? I would up uninvited him to your life until he could muster up some kind of resemblance to a reasonable human.

Not sure it’s relevant she’s child free
as a host you should be providing food

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 13/07/2025 17:08

Is it a bring and share bbq? If not, you should be catering food that she can also eat otherwise poor hosting on your part.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/07/2025 17:07

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 13/07/2025 12:24

Tell her to bring her own BBQ as well.
She'll make a fuss about her stuff being contaminated by being in contact with grill plates that might have meat juices on them.

Erm - what makes you think 'friend' is bringing stuff to be barbecued? As likely she'll be bringing chunky salads, humus, crusty bread etc.

isitme111 · 13/07/2025 17:06

It's a poor host who doesn't cater for all their guests. That besides I can't see the issue with her bringing her own food otherwise what would she eat if you're not going to cater for her ? Maybe your husband is worried that other guests will perceive you as crap hosts if she has to bring her own food.

SheridansPortSalut · 13/07/2025 17:06

What has child-free got to do with it?

PlacidPenelope · 13/07/2025 17:02

Bringing her own vegan food - fine. Although if your friend is as strict as you say the food will have to be cooked seperately to the meat products either before the meat is cooked for everyone else or on another bbq completely that is just used for her food due to cross contamination.

Any comments or preaching about the food everyone else is eating/is being cooked - absolutely NOT fine.

You say you don't mind her being preachy, etc., what about your husband and other guests? It will spoil the atmosphere for them. I can see your husband's point of view and agree with him on this point and to a degree on the faff regarding the first.

If you are happy to cook her food in the oven/grill and leave the bbq for the meat products and your friend keeps her opinions to herself then no problem.

SheridansPortSalut · 13/07/2025 17:01

Your dh is a really bad host. A good host would at least attempt to provide a vegan option of they'd invited someone who they know is vegan.

I think that the issue isn't the food, it's that he doesn't like her.

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 13/07/2025 17:00

Your husband is being ridiculous. Me and dh are veggies and always bring our own food to bbqs unless there is a large amount of veggies and we know we will be catered for. We do this so the host isn't stressed about what they pick and we can choose something that is actaully tasty. Works out well. Not sure why others guests would care!? The preaching I would find annoying maybe that's the real issue.

Carnation25 · 13/07/2025 16:58

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

This. And agree tour husband is a dick.

JustSawJohnny · 13/07/2025 16:57

DreamyRedNewt · 13/07/2025 15:02

I find the concept of inviting a vegan to a BBQ strange, I wouldn't do it. Mainly because if I was a vegan and saw meat as dead animals, obviously I wouldn't want to go to a party based all in that type of food. I've got vegan friends and if I invite them to mine, I only serve vegan food, I wouldn't be serving meat (even if only for my DH, DD and I).

Also curious, as well as others to know what has being child free got to do with anything?

I was a vegetarian then vegan for 15 years (20 years ago when there were very few of us) and it really doesn't stop you wanting to socialise at all.

Do you really think vegans are going to avoid BBQ's, buffets and Xmas dinner because there is meat there?!

If a vegetarian/vegan said they couldn't walk through a supermarket because there were 'dead animals' on display, you'd say they were being pathetic, and rightly so, but now you're suggesting they shouldn't want to meet up with friends if meat will be present?!

Make it make sense.

Kingsleadhat · 13/07/2025 16:55

beesandstrawberries · 13/07/2025 12:56

I’m vegan myself. She’s not expecting you to accommodate her by asking you provide her food which is kind of her but it shouldn’t be like that. You know she’s vegan, you’re providing food for everyone else so it’s not hard to get some vegan burgers or sausages. Birds Eye do cheap vegan burgers or beyond, this isn’t even Tesco own brand. I don’t see how you can accommodate everyone else but not her? She’s ensuring people don’t go out of the way for her yet you’re literally making it an issue that she shouldn’t have vegan food and go hungry??? Your husband is projecting his thoughts about vegans onto someone who’s doing nothing wrong and not forcing you to buy her food or anything. You’re weird.

in my experience as a vegan, we have a lot of people comment on our food saying ‘it looks disgusting’, ‘how can you eat rabbit food’. Then make the entire conversation about being vegan like ‘why are you vegan’, ‘no wonder you’re skinny’, ‘you’re not getting the nutrients’, ‘do you not miss bacon’. Then when we retaliate by replying to comments that other people bring up, suddenly WE are preachy???? Most of us mind our business and people are just commenting on us and make us being vegan a big issue. So I think you’re likely confusing her being preachy as her replying to comments made to her

This has also been my experience. People notice I'm vegan and go on the attack. It's weird . I was at a party once and the waitress asked who'd ordered vegan - I stuck my hand up. The man sitting next to (I'd never met him before) turned to me and said "I fucking hate vegans". I told him I fucking hated corpse crunchers but I'll only ever make a comment about other people's eating habits if they start it

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/07/2025 16:51

arethereanyleftatall · 13/07/2025 12:04

I cannot believe your thread isn’t about how awful your husband is!

This!

DiscoBob · 13/07/2025 16:50

maudelovesharold · 13/07/2025 12:21

Most people who are vegetarian/vegan and offer to bring their own food to a bbq etc. do it, not to be ‘rude’. but because they think it might make life easier for the hosts.
Also, it’s almost like you think her being child-free is why she’s able to indulge her little eccentricities. You can have children and also be vegan, in case you hadn’t realised. Who knew?! Hmm

Quite. Wtf has being child free got to do with food preferences? Absolutely bizarre to include that in the post. Like saying 'blonde haired friend with annoying diet...person who wears glasses with an annoying diet..etc'. totally irrelevant unless you think choosing not to/being medically unable to give birth and veganism both make someone an arsehole?!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/07/2025 16:49

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

Quite!

savethatkitty · 13/07/2025 16:45

Of course she should bring her own food!

What if someone has a food allergy? Should they just eat whatever is provided? Of course not.

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 13/07/2025 16:41

Ah, another ChatGPT rage baiting AIBU. Try harder OP

CharlieEffie · 13/07/2025 16:38

Shes not asking you to provide her food. To be fair i dont even know why she asked if she could bring her own food. Your husband is a dick

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