To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

OP please send your friend this thread so she can stay away from both of you

Perhaps your DH doesn’t want to be reminded of what he is eating, which he would be if she was present, even saying nothing? Guilty conscience maybe?

If I invited any vegan / vegetarian friends to a barbecue I would be mortified that they needed to bring their own food. Lovely of your friend to offer but it’s not difficult as a host to have a few vegan burgers / sausages available, loads of choice nowadays and plenty of plant based sauces, dressings for salad etc.

I would personally provide some vegan sausages, veggie burgers etc and id also cook those 1st to avoid any cross contamination onto her food

Surely you knew what your friend was like ? You already know that she'd be banging on about dead animals and the benefits of eating plants? So I am unsure why you invited her in the first place?! If she was someone who kept her opinions to herself and not spoilt it for the other guests, then I would have said you should cater for her needs. But if she is likely to preach to your guests and make them uncomfortable I think you need to find a polite way to cancel on her. The fact that she wants to bring her own food seems to me that she's getting ready for her sermon on veganism. If it was a medical need such as an allergy i'd totally get it. There's a big difference between a medical need and a lifestyle choice. Maybe host a bbq with vegan food for her only one weekend? If you do decide to host her next weekend I hope you have a guest or two who'll have no qualms in putting her in her place if she were to get preachy. I kind of see your DH's point.

Your DH is being ridiculous. It’s very good of her to bring her own food - tbh I think a good host & hostess who invite someone they know is a vegan should provide a vegan option, just as I always do for the vegetarians in my family. When you invited her, what did you expect her to eat?

If you really feel you must, I suppose you could ask her not to go on about it to your other guests, though I’m sure they could cope.

Your DH is entitled and weird. You are holding an event where one of your guests can't eat the food and he is offended that she wants to actually eat!

Of course she should be able to bring her own food. I always have a vegan option available if I am expecting a vegan guest. It isn't hard. She isn't even asking for that, she is being helpful by bringing her own. Your DH sounds a complete intolerable prick. Also why is her child bearing status relevant to this?

I think your DH Is being really odd! When we have a BBQ, we ask for dietary requirements and cater for vegans if there are any (e.g., cooking their food first, BBQ veg / vegan burgers, etc etc). It's so considerate of her to bring her own food as she's a guest! It seems so mean of him to tell her not to.

No idea why her being childfree is relevant, your husband is a knob, as the host you should be making sure you cater for all of your guests. HTH.

I cooked extra - people always like a vegetarian option as a side dish!

I have vegan and vegetarian friends (I’m neither), if they come to my house for dinner I’d make sure they have something to eat. I wouldn’t expect them to bring their own.
The fact that your friend is offering to bring food I think is actually nice and polite, but I’d still make sure I provided something she can eat.
Your DH sounds like a bit of an idiot tbh.

As for preachy vegans, yep I’ve met 2, neither were friends of mine. I just smiled politely and found someone else to talk to (although I’d say they were talking at me rather than to me tbh). But my friends are not preachy at all.
Surely she won’t attend a bbq where she knows the majority of people are meat eaters and then start lecturing people? . If her feelings are that strong then surely she’d avoid something like this.

OF course she should bring her own food if you're not catering for her vegan-status! WTF is wrong with your husband?

Your husband is an idiot. Cater for the friend with a couple vegan dishes and also let her bring her own food that she can eat! What do you expect she will eat a sausage cos your husband can’t take a difference of opinion?

My experience also. In my last job, i'd been there six years before anyone found out I was vegan, and as soon as they did the stupid comments started. "Think of all the animals that get killed in the fields that grow your plants". The 'preachy vegan' thing is a bit of a myth, imo.

Why is her child free status relevent? Is anybody cooking their children?

😂😂😂

If anything, I actually think she’s being thoughtful by offering to bring her own food rather than expecting you to cater for her specific dietary needs. That’s considerate, not rude.

The only person being rude is your husband — it’s not like she’s demanding everyone eat vegan, just quietly sorting herself out. I don’t see why anyone else would be bothered unless they’re actively looking for something to be offended by.

As a host, it’s nice to be inclusive where you can, and honestly, it wouldn’t hurt to have a couple of decent veggie or vegan options anyway. It’s 2025 — people eat all sorts now, and making everyone feel welcome is kind of the point of a BBQ, isn’t it

Do you really think you are a friend to her?

It's her choice what she eats.

Your DH is a DH and you're hardly the sharpest tool in the box if you're listening to the DH!

When my friend who is vegetarian comes to my house for food - I always make sure she was food she can eat provided! Feel that’s polite if she is invited

Your husband is being a right twat….. however she shouldn’t preach!

Exactly what I thought. Only one post from the op, vegan and child free to get everyone frothing, I’m surprised the op didn’t include a trans partner just to really get everyone going.

It's become the norm now for our HR department to issue polite reminders at office barbecues/ pizza nights/quiz nights etc that if you didn't mention when accepting the invitation that you wanted vegetarian or vegan could you please not take stuff your face with the vegan and vegetarian selection?

If you were good hosts she wouldn't need to bring her own food. Your DH is a dick.

Bet he wouldn't say that if it was his mates

That's ridiculous 😂 she's bringing her own food so you don't have to worry about catering to her, that's just polite. Bloody hell

Surely if you invite someone for a meal you provide food for them? It’s not hard to buy a vegan protein and to make a couple of the salads/sides vegan.
As to what being child free has to do with this?!?!?!

Yep people have this unfathomably weird reaction to veganism. In my experOnce it’s always the meat eaters who set about mouthing off. Look at all the twats who go on vegan recipe pages posting pictures of dead pigs saying Mmmm bacon.