To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

Bet he'd be apoplectic with rage if you went to her home and she only provided vegan food, ranting on about how it's disrespectful to his beliefs that she isn't providing a guest what he wants to eat.

Does he feel threatened by her usually because she doesn't agree with him on everything and puts your feelings and needs as a friend above him, by any chance?

It means she doesn't eat children or animals.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol)

Is what you said above likely? Because personally I'd have no problem with someone bringing their own food, but major problems if she views other guests as an audience to be "preached" at

For me that would be completely unacceptable at a social event, and while you might prefer her to come in spite of it I'd consider the likely feelings of the majority and not just me

If this is genuine then I would just tell her she’s not welcome (as she clearly isn’t) and find a new husband who isn’t a dickhead.

You sound like you have no back bone and your DH sounds like a narrow minded awful person

100% this. What a nasty prick he is.

Please LTB.

I love vegan food, so set up a separate barbie for us nice Mumsnetters and we'll hang out with your vegan mate whilst having a right laugh at how much of a wanker your STXH is.

AND we'll help you get your ducks in a row once the barbie is over, leaving twatface to clear up all the fatty, greasy, meaty mess.

This.

Your husband is an ass. Of course its fine for your friend to bring food. I fact as a decent host you should have vegan foods for ger cooked before meat stuff

Why is child-free relevant?

If you invite someone to your home who has a dietary restriction of course you should cater for the. What does your DH think she should eat at this event out of curiosity.

Clearly she shouldn't be talking about dead animals and the like at the event, that would be inappropriate.

Your DH clearly doesn't like your friend.

Am trying to understand what the issue is. If it is simply that your DH doesn’t like that she is bringing vegan food because she is vegan but otherwise would be a perfectly pleasant guest then he’s being a right dick and you should be catering for her. A couple of vegan burgers or sausages, can be cooked separate or cooked in the oven and a salad is easy enough

If he doesn’t like that she is bringing vegan food AND she’s likely to have a go at all your meat eating guests then he has a point to an extent but her bringing vegan food isn’t the issue, her behaviour would be

Each to their own, but I personally would not invite a vegan to a barbeque. It would be like inviting a crusading teetotaller to a cocktail party, just not appropriate.

I think your DH can't wait to dangle sausages in her face then when she makes a comment she's a crazy preachy vegan.
Tell him to grow up.

She'd be more than welcome to bring vegan food if it were me...although id be catering for her (as I too love vegan food). However, if she started preaching about her beliefs there, she'd be swiftly shown the door.

But wtf has her being children got anything to do with it?

My God, of course you couldn’t expect her to eat what you’re having.
Are you so influenced by your husband that you really have to ask?

All of the above.

This feels like MN bingo:

BBQ - always contentious
Childfree friend
Vegan requirements
Arsehole husband
No replies from OP

Terrible manners not to cater for someone you've invited. Your husband is an oaf.

She's being very courteous offering to bring her own food.

And if being around people who don't eat animals puts him off his food, maybe he should deploy some critical thinking and ask himself why.

(I will tell you so you can pass it on to him:

• There is no difference in the emotional capacities of, for example, dogs and cats, and pigs and cows.
• industrial farming necessitates the torture of animals who live in anguish and despair every day of their brutal lives, before they are killed in terror and panic
• We choose to do this to them - it's nutritionally unnecessary for us to eat meat. )

She probably won't be back. It is bizarre though.

Really went for the rage bait there, OP. Should have made the ‘friend’ trans, for a real MN fury bingo-card.

If you invite a Vegan you provide Vegan food, its not difficult just grill some veggies and don't dress the salad.
Your H is awful by the way and it sounds like neither of you like her very much

Your dh is a twat.

Why does her being childfree matter?

And insists on bringing her 'fur baby' to the BBQ.

Which will obviously shit in the middle of the lawn just as guests start eating.

Bit surprised that a vegan who is preachy about it would accept an invitation to a BBQ in the first place. BBQ's are about grilling meat, not lentils! I had a friend (note HAD) who went to BBQ/Steak type of restaurant and then moaned constantly about the smell of meat cooking. What the hell did she expect?!

If she would do the performative face pulling and wafting and complaining about the smell alongside comments such as "Urgh I dont know how you can eat that...." then I wouldnt have invited her in the first place.

No, child free vegans should absolutely not be bringing their own food. Only child bearing ones can...and only if they are SAHM child bearing vegans. Working child bearing vegans aren't allowed to bring their own food either.... I thought everyone knew the rules.

I'm child free, but eat meat, eggs, cheese etc, I must be doing it wrong 🤣