To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

Has your dh always disliked her?
She sounds very reasonable actually, knowing that barbecue generally means stuff she can't eat, she'll bring stuff she can and save you the headache. Your dh is a bit lot of a bellend for having an issue with that.

Are you allowed to disagree with him @BBQDramaQueen or does this go much deeper than the vegan at a meat feast issue?

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol).

Never heard such bs about eating food at a bbq in my whole life. Your husband is stupid. All the poor woman did was ask if she can bring her food. Your answer op should have been absolutely not.. tell me what you eat and ill get it for you. You and your husband are a right pair!

Let your friend eat whatever she wants. Put your DH on the BBQ.

Were you already planning on providing vegan food for her when you invited her?
Of course it's fine for her to bring her own food!

I'm rather puzzled as to why you would invite a "sometime preachy" vegan to a meat BBQ though!!!

Yes to all of this.

"Tbh she can be a bit preachy"
That is the only relevant part of your OP, in which case I would just ask her not to preach to the rest of your meat-eating guests at your BBQ because that would be very rude of her.

Is it her preachiness that your husband actually objects to, rather than her 'bringing her own food'? That her bringing her own food gives her a platform to preach from? Has she pissed him off in the past because she preached to him just a bit too much?

@BBQDramaQueen she sounds like a lovely vegan! OMG if only all vegans offered to bring their own food - that would be so helpful!!

It's quite normal for picky eaters to bring their own stuff.

But if you have a vegan attending, then you should make sure you also have vegan food available. I'd tell her to bring her own "burger" equivalent, then make sure you have plenty of vegan salad options.

A child free vegan!! What will the neighbours say?

Your DH is being unreasonable. Whilst it would be pretty rude to pitch up and lecture the guests, if you can’t take hearing about meat being dead animals that are probably kept in miserable conditions and then killed, don’t eat it.

Your dh is an idiot. Your friend is not unreasonable to want to bring her own food, eat her own food, and not eat what is provided. Is he normally a bullying knob?

I assume that if your friend tries to turn a family event into some sort of lobby for veganism, she will quietly & politely be asked to leave. I think the fact she checked with you first suggests she is not so ill mannered.

Maybe mentioning twice in the OP that friend is child free is to let us know that due to being vegan she didn’t eat her young.

Lentil sausages?

Your husband sounds like an arsehole.

Hosts should try to cater to known dietary needs, that she tried to take that off your plate is nice of her.

Why mention that she's childfree?

Yep.
I’m starting to see the fake posts from a mile off now.
Bloody pathetic and sad if you ask me but hey ho, people will bite.

Let your friend come and
Bring her own

Or follow your husband and loose a freind

What has her being child free got to do with anything? Also, it’s good manners to cater for ALL your guests, so I’m assuming your dickhead husband is suggesting you get some vegan food in for your friend, not that you expect her not to eat anything from your meat filled bbq?

Would your husband feel the same if a recovering alcoholic brought zero alcohol beer to the bbq? Or a parent brought gluten free burger buns for their child so they could be part of the fun and not feel left out?

This.
You both sound awful and like you don't actually like her at all.

It really depends on whether you were going to provide some vegan food/dishes for her? It you were going to do that then I think it's reasonable to say to her, actually we've catered for you so you don't need to bring your own food. If however your DH is expecting her to eat meat/fish/dairy then it's very reasonable for her to bring her own. Just in the same way as it you were catering for people who don't eat beef or pork for religious reasons you wouldn't make them eat it, you would be polite and cater for them. That doesn't mean everyone else can't eat meat etc but you should make an effort to cater for all guests. Seems like she's being thoughtful and saving you the bother.

You should be catering for her as with any dietary needs. Would you expect a Muslim friend to eat your sausages? I do hope not!
I wonder what reaction she's had before from you/DH that she feels obliged to bring her own to make sure she can eat...

You should provide vegan meal for her!

You should tell your DH that fixating on what another adult puts into their mouth is not a good look.

Controlling AF.

I was going to say her husband’s a knob but same difference.

Your husband is wilfully ignorant, such a turn off in an adult (I’m not vegan or vegetarian).

Tell him to engage his brain and stop being an arse (or dick or knob).

You should be providing her with vegan food as you're the host.

People can be so weird, she is a guest and therefore you should be providing her vegan food never mind her bringing her own