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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

515 replies

BBQDramaQueen · 13/07/2025 11:59

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

OP posts:
Smallsalt · 13/07/2025 13:57

Husband. Wanker.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 13/07/2025 13:56

Also curious as to why her child-free status is relevant, and why you didn't offer to cater for her but, more than that, although she's your friend, why oh why did you invite a vegan to a traditional bbq?

DottieMoon · 13/07/2025 13:56

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:00

Your Dh is a dick.

Yep, agree

JoyFractal · 13/07/2025 13:55

Vitrolinsanity · 13/07/2025 12:01

Of course it’s fine for her to bring her own unless you are going to cater for her (which as she’s a guest I would).

Of course she can bring her own food - she will be much more uncomfortable seeing people eat meat. I have a ton of food allergies and eating anywhere is extremely stressful.
Also, why mention that she is child-free? That had no bearing in the matter. Bit judgemental.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 13/07/2025 13:55

EmpressaurusKitty · 13/07/2025 13:52

I’m a veggie, @Grumpyoldpersonwithcats, so my guests get vegetarian food as standard. But obviously I cater for vegans & people with allergies, including giving them the option of bringing their own food, because it’s only polite.

I would never expect a vegetarian or a vegan to provide meat products were I to visit them.

I should have more accurately described myself as an omnivore 😁

UnintentionalArcher · 13/07/2025 13:54

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 13/07/2025 12:13

Vegan and child free.
Drip feed wll be she parks in p&c spaces at Tesco.

Lol. Actually laughed out loud at that.

MightlySlad · 13/07/2025 13:53

Nannyfannybanny · 13/07/2025 12:05

I don't eat meat, haven't done for about 40 years, don't expect any fancy treatment. Happy with salad,veg, roll. People used to say I was really difficult and fussy. I would be happy with a lump of cheese and bread. I don't eat vegan artificial crap, I had to have a number of abdo surgery pre veggie, and there's lots of things I can't eat. I don't have any issues with other people eating meat, but I certainly cater for all my guests. The vegan would get veg and salad.

Its not very nice to not provide something a bit more substantial than leaves when catering for someone surely. Id be starving! Especially having told them not to bring their own.

TheLemonLemur · 13/07/2025 13:52

If I invited vegan friends I'd at least have veggie sausages/kebabs available so YABU to invite then not cater for her. Your husband sounds like an arse

EmpressaurusKitty · 13/07/2025 13:52

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 13/07/2025 13:48

This early post is all you need to know.
And reserve an area to cook vegan/vegetarian food separately so it doesn't get contaminated with meat products.

I'm a meat eater, but have no problem with extending basic courtesy to all my guests and have always done the above at our own bbq parties.

I’m a veggie, @Grumpyoldpersonwithcats, so my guests get vegetarian food as standard. But obviously I cater for vegans & people with allergies, including giving them the option of bringing their own food, because it’s only polite.

DontReplyIWillLie · 13/07/2025 13:50

Seeing as the OP hasn’t been back, I’m guessing we’re being taken on a trip to Mumsnet’s favourite destination, Goady Old Shitsville. But on the off-chance this is real - OP, see if you can guess which of these is an unacceptable answer to a childless vegan asking if she can bring her own food:

  1. “Oh no, you don’t need to do that! We invited you - of course we’ll make sure we’ve got something you can eat.”

  2. “You don’t have to; we’re quite happy to provide vegan food. But if there’s something you’d particularly like then of course you can bring it.”

  3. “Who the bloody hell do you think you are, hmm?! Bringing your own bloody food?! As if it isn’t bad enough that you’ll be prancing around flaunting your flawless fanny and showroom condition womb while the rest of us scramble around on the ground looking for our pelvic floors, now you want to bring your own Quorn burgers!! Well you can fuck right off, madam! You can eat a slice of cow in a bap like the rest of us or you can piss off and die!!”

Thehop · 13/07/2025 13:49

Your husband is a nob and you're bad hosts expecting her to bring food poor lass.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 13/07/2025 13:48

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

This early post is all you need to know.
And reserve an area to cook vegan/vegetarian food separately so it doesn't get contaminated with meat products.

I'm a meat eater, but have no problem with extending basic courtesy to all my guests and have always done the above at our own bbq parties.

Dogaredabomb · 13/07/2025 13:47

HelloGreen · 13/07/2025 13:45

Why do people respond sincerely to posts like these? Obvious baiting.

There's very little else on here these days

Miyagi99 · 13/07/2025 13:46

GarlicMetre · 13/07/2025 13:05

@Miyagi99, you're vegan and you eat halloumi???

No, I said I don’t eat meat.

Dogaredabomb · 13/07/2025 13:46

Nowimhereandimlost · 13/07/2025 13:43

Really sorry about your husband op.

That made me laugh and feel enraged at the removal of the laughing emoji simultaneously

savagedaughter · 13/07/2025 13:45

GarlicMetre · 13/07/2025 13:04

Hang on, is she one of those vegans?

going on about lentil sausages and dead animals ... Tbh she can be a bit preachy

Obviously you can't make her eat meat - and you really should provide some tofu, falafel and whatever. But if DH's point is really that she's a pain in the arse, he might not be wrong.

I have no idea what being childfree has to do with it Confused

He might not be wrong to say she can't bring food she can eat because he doesn't like her? Better just to not invite her then.

HelloGreen · 13/07/2025 13:45

Why do people respond sincerely to posts like these? Obvious baiting.

Dogaredabomb · 13/07/2025 13:45

What's up with Mumsnet these days? If it's not a fake OP it's a bot in the middle of the thread derailing it. Are the posters people or AI? I actually believe nothing on MN these days. I may even be a bot myself 🤷🏼‍♂️💃💃💃

Mirrorxxx · 13/07/2025 13:44

You and your husband sound awful. Her being child free is so irrelevant it makes you sound insane

Nowimhereandimlost · 13/07/2025 13:43

Really sorry about your husband op.

FieldsOfPotatoes · 13/07/2025 13:43

Child free and vegan? Why not make said friend born male just to get the trio of things Mumsnet hates

Venturini · 13/07/2025 13:41

Nice attempt at a wind up OP.

Away2000 · 13/07/2025 13:40

If You invite someone to a BBQ then you should be providing food that they can eat. She’s been very nice and offered to bring her own. Not sure what being childfree has to do with it. Are you expecting her to find some children to bring and eat meat for the day? 😂

NewGoldFox · 13/07/2025 13:39

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

This - why would you invite her if you’ve no intention of hosting her.

Mumofsoontobe3 · 13/07/2025 13:39

I wouldn't have any issue with a friend bringing their own food to enjoy. However, I would ask and expect they didn't vocalise their views on eating animals whilst others are trying to eat their meal. No need for anyone to be put off their food or to feel guilty for having different preferences and food taste.

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